


A Life Worth Living

by Esperchild



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, Homosexuality, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Physical Abuse, Romance, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Torture, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2018-10-29 18:55:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 42,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10860009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperchild/pseuds/Esperchild
Summary: Feron, former shadow broker agent turned traitor. Left broken and lost, body and soul disconnected after his rescue. No reason to go on, only darkness was left. Until he meets the son of Shepard's lover. A story of healing and finding a reason to go on. Kolyat x Feron. Trigger Warnings Apply.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

Two years.

Eight hundred and forty six days to be exact.

The actual number only discovered after he had been rescued by Commander Shepard.

Yeah... _that_ Commander Shepard. Survivor of the Skyllian Blitz, Hero of the Citadel. The bringer of swift justice and even bigger punishment if your luck was not in her favor. Just her name alone would make someone hesitate. A specter. The council's personal bad asses operating above the law.

Not like him. He had only ever kept himself right below it. Operating in shadows and in the bowels of the underground. He was no one. He should have died that way too.

Friends complicated things. Caring about something meant that there was an existing substance that could be used against you. The target didn't matter. Survive, move on. No attachments. Get your credits. On to the next one.

Liara T'Soni, a passionate and pushy asari that had him scrambling to find Commander Shepard's body. He was supposed to double cross her. Bring Shepard's body to the Shadow Broker instead, but that was before he had found out about the collector's. That, and Liara's unwavering belief.

Commander Shepard could save them. Her conviction had somehow sunk beneath his scales.

Eight hundred and forty six days worth of it.

He could have never kept count even if he wanted to. Mornings, night and days, all melding into one. A constant unending chain of misery, an eternity of screams and despair. Until he could take no more and the agony left him falling towards unconsciousness. His only salvation when pain was all that was left. Awake long enough to keep his throat raw from screaming. Feinting when his body could take no more. Awakening to start again.

Patches of scales had slowly been ripped from his body. People forced to watch from the upper platforms. Many he had worked with on previous missions. Knife cuts left open to bleed out. Bones broken and mended only to be broken again. He had tried to starve himself but that only resulted in forced feedings and electroshock, water torture and needles under his fingernails. Hung by his wrists without food or water for days, only to be dropped down weakly for agents to beat the shit out of him. Past close coworkers motivated by the death of their families for noncompliance. Healed to start the process all over again. More forced feedings and drugs. Mind games and psychological torment. No one was coming, and the pain would never cease. He had sacrificed himself for a cause that was only a small bump to be paved over quickly.

The most painful was the chair. The Shadow Broker’s favorite toy. Strapped into it for days and weeks on end. Shocked every hour or whenever he had started to fall asleep. When he had tried to bite his tongue to let himself bleed out, agents had shoved metal rods into his mouth to force it open, cutting into his jaw and gums. Vomiting bile when no food and only blood had filled his stomach to the point of sickness.

Every time his heart had stopped, he had found himself a moment of peace, only to be jolted back, to start the process again. It took everything for him to hold onto that small dying hope. Commander Shepard would live again, and one day, even though he wouldn’t survive to see it, she would stop what was coming. Liara believed it. She had made him believe it too. Perhaps if fate was lucky, someone would eventually get to the Shadow Broker and blow up his shitty ship, skull fuck him for good measure. That small thought was the only one that brought a grin to his lips.

This is what loyalty got you. Years of perfect loyalty. Of being one of the best, turning down every job opportunity out of that single feeling. Perfectly belonging somewhere. Knowing your place. Being looked at by colleagues as an example of what life could be like for perfect service.

He had been made into the perfect example alright.

Eight hundred and forty six days of examples. 

In the end, this was what he deserved in his betrayal… for believing in something. Letting someone get to him.

Pain never ending.

* * *

The first night free he didn’t know what to do with himself. Unable to find the comfort or peace he had desperately longed for. His body and mind had trouble easing into the quiet, tensing every few seconds, waiting for the impending pain or shock. His nerve endings confused as a dull ache took over his entirety. Body, mind and soul. What was left of it anyway…

He had trouble comprehending his rescue. Liara and Commander Shepard had come for him. They had killed the Shadow Broker, took his base and killed the staff that was still loyal in the process.

Eight hundred and forty six days worth the wait.  

Without thinking he had pulled his wrecked body from the medical bed, yanking out the IV’s and medication lines pumping whatever miracle shit they had been trying to give him. Some of the same people who were forced to torture him, now trying to turn savior.

He didn't need their help. They had already done enough.

Immediately his body had given out, legs unresponsive as he grunted and hissed in agony slamming himself against the clinic floor. Resigned to drag himself to the showers. Trails of blood and grime, things he didn’t even want to imagine as he moved, smearing the ground as he went. Blood soaking his hospital gown.

Could you bleed out from yanking several IV lines?

Eventually he had made it to the showers, pulling himself over the rim, crashing heavily upon the tiles, exhaustion consuming him. Appendages unused for eight hundred and forty six days. The brutal fresh welts of newly healed flesh puckered and raw, stinging as he forced his body to reach towards the knobs. Grunting and hissing as he cursed trying to get to them on his own. He had blasted that water with full heat on, and laid there in triumph as it hit his body like a wet sun, a dying animal left out in the rain.  

He had watched in morbid fascination as dark liquid spiraled down into the drain, feces, dirt and blood, swirling into the tiny opening. If he had just enough strength, a piece of clothing perhaps, than he could plug the small hole and drown in the three inches that would be required to fill the rim. How long until someone would see the water spilling out? How much time would it take for it to fill? Would it be enough for him to slip into a memory and not choke enough to bring him out of it until it was over?

Medical staff had found him just as he had wriggled one arm free of his gown.

* * *

Why did healing always feel worse than dying?

He had trouble focusing on Liara as she spoke, her mouth moving but only jumbled sounds of incoherent words and sentences that didn’t make sense coming out. She was the new Shadow Broker. Normandy. Commander Shepard. Severe nerve damage. Better medical staff.

He was done with the Shadow Broker base. There was nothing here for him now. He was done with everything; everyone. At least he had lived long enough to know that the Commander had been brought back. His last hope had not been in vain.

His world now only held colors of black and grey.

* * *

The first night he had been transferred to the Normandy the human doctor had been kind and gentle. Making him as comfortable as possible. So concerned about his well being, it made him sick to his stomach. A forced smile on his lips, worse than all those countless times he had vomited blood. His quiet and curt reply to her questions giving the illusion that he had just needed some rest. Leaving him in peace long enough to palm a tiny instrument from her tray table as she moved everything away bringing him to a comfortable position for sleep.

He never slept now. Nightmares were worse than the emptiness of being awake.

He had stayed unmoving, waiting patiently for the ships night cycle, pretending to be asleep when the rest of the medical staff had checked on him one last time. The head doctor nowhere in sight as the lights dimmed just as he slipped the tiny blade free. His hand convulsing so violently he thought he might drop the knife, the shaking preventing him from lining the blade against his vein properly. The rise of blood over his scales wrong when he attempted to move the edge and try again. His senses so focused on the task, he never realized someone had come in until a firm hand had gone over his to steady the trembling. His whole body tensed and retaliated from the touch, but the hold never wavered, calm against his raging storm.

“Are you certain this is the action you wish to carry out?”

There was no judgement in the voice. Just gentle understanding as he glanced up at the unwanted intruder. Thane, the other person who had rescued him. He had heard whisper’s that he was Shepard’s fal harahl. That they were deeply in love. Being near him now, he could smell her all over him.

It tasted like dead hope and empty dreams.

Tears threatened to escape his eyes, hand slackening in Thane’s hold, frustration squeezing his lungs. Not enough to suffocate him though. The small knife was taken from his grip easily as the last of his built up strength slipped away. All his courage going with it. Thane released him as his nerves immediately relaxed without the contact while he moved to the opposite side of the room and placed the missing utensil on the tray he had taken it from. He moved his fingers slowly, aligning the metal flawlessly with the others before slipping his hands behind his back turning to look at him, standing up straight and proud. The pose natural to those trained in the compact. A pose he had taken during his own childhood countlessly.

“You know…” Feron started, trying to find his words. Swallowing roughly before slipping a natural smile over his lips, a practiced coy grin. “If you want you could help me. Save me the trouble of trying to get that again later.”

“Siha would be most displeased if I let you die under her watch.”

Feron licked his cracked lips and turned his head away from the male’s penetrating gaze. _This fucking guy._ He couldn’t have waited a few more minutes before coming in?

“I can pay you.” The thought occurred to him. That’s what the compact still was, wasn’t it? Everyone valued credits over everything else. He only knew greed, and double crossings. Everyone had a price. Even him in the end. A single human woman and her crazy asari friend, a change of heart that had cost him everything he had worked hard for. “You used to be an assassin, right? I heard you were freelance for a while. If it’s just money, I can-”

“That life is no longer mine. Weather you live or die is not my choice to make.”

“Then who’s is it?” He bit out venomously. “Since you clearly just indicated by your actions that it’s not mine either.”

Thane glanced down thoughtfully before blinking and glancing back at him stoically. He turned slowly, every movement calculated, nothing wasted or done unnecessarily. He picked the scalpel back up and approached him. Every step a heartbeat of eternity. Feron took a deep steady breath, the pain in his ribs excruciating. He closed his eyes. He was ready for this. It was way past his time.

Thane touched his hand gingerly. His arm automatically jerking away without volition but Thane persisted and coaxed his clenched fist free. Sliding the instrument back against his palm before letting go. Feron met his eyes in confusion, trying to find something upon his calm and unreadable face. Nothing to be found. He tried to get his fingers to work again, shaking as he grasped the cool metal within his hand. No footsteps as Thane took a step away, watching him with a weight that could crush a black hole.

“Entropy does not always have to win. Make the choice now. Make it later. Many don’t even get that.”                                                

“So what? I should consider myself lucky than?”

“We are all here for a purpose. Do not rush so quickly to Kalahira’s shore when fate seems to have other plans for you.”

“Plans? Fate? There is nothing left for me but death. That’s the plan. That’s _my_ plan.”  

Thane blinked again slowly slipping his hands behind him. Green irises trailing over him thoughtfully. Something hidden within their depths shining through for a brief moment before disappearing back within obsidian darkness.

“Everyone has a reason to live. You need to give yourself a chance to find what makes yours worth living again.”

* * *

“No! No!” He screamed, tears coursing down his cheeks using whatever strength he could muster to fight the nurses who were trying to hold him down, restraints being put around his wrists. Multiple hands trying to hold him down to tighten the bands to the sides of the bed. The flash of white panic blinding him to everything but the pressure on his arms. His couldn’t breathe, a fire raging in his chest from the lack of air. He lashed out, catching one of the assailants in the chest, pushing him with all his strength. A loud crashing sound as they hit something on their way down.

_Three more to go._

He yanked his arm free ready to strike at another, the sharp jab of a needle in his throat snapping his eyes wide open, another burst of fresh tears spilling over his frills just as his senses got blurred. Waves of light and muffles words. He groaned and grimaced fighting through the murky waters beginning to swallow him whole. He still couldn’t catch his breath, couldn’t think. His sights growing dimmer.

_The choice was made for you now. This was what you wanted, wasn’t it?_

_You deserve this._

He leaned back against whatever he fell on, staring at the ceiling, hazy and blurred unblinking. Why was he even here? All his thoughts leaving him. Why was this happening?

“What the fuck is the matter with you? Get those off his wrists now! Get Chakwas in here! Move your ass!” He heard someone yell in anger, vaguely aware of them rushing forward. His personal angel of death. Her hands nimbly unlatching whatever held his hands down, his body weighted with stone’s. Green eyes of his personal deity burning in wrath and fury.

_Kalahira has finally sent someone to take me._

“Commander. We found a scalpel in his bed, blood on his wrist and sheets. This is for his own protection.”

“Christ.”

“Siha, I can explain…”

Feron blinked at the voices trying to comprehend the rest, words getting jumbled. Gravel and sand sliding down a mountain side. Verna…

' _Soft wind grazing over my skin, feet sliding over stone, speed increasing. Laughter escapes, muscles straining, coiling to stay afoot. Fingers slacken over the hilt of the knife. Bio-luminescence flickering disapprovingly, my laughter gets louder. Grey eyes glance up in confusion, my legs spring with all my strength. ‘Catch me!’ my voice rings out higher than I intend. The human male turns towards me in alarm, arms raised. I leap, reach for him. Hands tightly coming around me protectively. ‘What are you doing here?’ voice full of concern. ‘Thanks for catching me’ I smile, his eyes dulling, hand tensing, blade sliding into his sternum.’_

* * *

The next day Thane had entered when everyone else had already left for the sleep cycle. Feron didn't even acknowledge him, just kept his gaze transfixed on the ceiling. His body and mind completely drained, still trying to find his way back from whatever was injected into his neck the morning prior. What they still kept giving him.

Everything still felt like a dream. Like he was looking through a fog, his body swimming through a tide as he fought to stay afloat. Did the male change his mind? Was here to help kill him? His pathetic state giving him a reason to show mercy? Feron’s eyes filled with tears again, a sigh of relief. He wouldn’t be able to do anything now. The drugs they kept pumping into him keeping him suspended in a place of nonbeing. He just wanted the emptiness to end. The darkness to take him. No more pain. No more anything. He just wanted to find peace.

He heard the gentle scrape of a chair as he stayed unmoving, not even caring if whatever was going to happen would hurt. Nothing could hurt worse than what he had already endured. The pain of having to live one more minute. An ache in his entire being that never ceased. He closed his eyes patiently.

_Kalahira, Goddess of inscrutable depths…whose waves wear down stone and sand…_

After a few moments of silence he suddenly heard Thane's voice, soft and gentle.

"Arashu goddess of motherhood and protection, this one’s heart has been emptied and obstructed from your light. Arashu, mother of devotion and purity, this one has come to you in darkness seeking light. Arashu, mother of all who-"

Thane's voice became muddled to his ears as the tears fell in heavy bursts drowning out any hope and slipping him further into despair.

He didn't want hope...

He wanted death...

* * *

“I’ve been meaning to ask you something.” Feron murmured just as Thane was entering another prayer. His habit of coming in every night expected but still unwelcome. He wondered if perhaps Shepard was on a mission, or if Thane was just bored. Shouldn’t he be fucking her or something, anything other than wasting his time reading his prayer book to him every night for the last fifteen sleep cycles?

He stopped reading and looked up at him. Patience and years of seeing the horrors that this galaxy had to offer. Did he ever feel lost? What made him keep going before Shepard had entered the picture? He was lucky to have left the compact like him. Many of the drells that served never lived to whatever the hell his age was. Older. Older than him. Like daddy old to Shepard. Or maybe that was just the illusion he gave because of his quiet stuck up personality.

“You told me to find a reason to make my life worth living. How do you keep going, when you can’t feel anything?”

“You are disconnected. I once was too. I walked to my death. Accepted it as you do now.”  

“Yeah?” Feron tilled mockingly. “You don’t seem resigned to death anymore. Shepard gave you that hard on and you were ready to live and fight another day?”

Thane blinked slowly, Feron knew he had struck a nerve. A moment of silence before he spoke again. “Arashu gave me a second chance. Two gifts to make my life worth living, awakening me from my battle sleep.”

“Two? I thought I was greedy.”

Thane chuckled deeply, closing the prayer book upon his lap before rising from the chair, bowing in departure. He placed the book upon Feron’s side table before the weight of that unending stare met his. How the hell did Shepard even fall for a guy like this? “I will be leaving with Siha on a mission tomorrow. Hold on to this for me.”

“Sure. They won’t give me my omnitool. There’s nothing else to jerk off to around here anyway.”

The disapproving till in Thane’s throat was worth the blasphemy and any punishment Kalahira would give him for that statement.

* * *

“You mentioned two reasons.” Feron cut Thane off in the middle of a prayer about healing the spirit or some other shit he wasn’t fully paying attention to. He hated the fact that he was actually looking forward to the company of the other male now and the dull conversations they sometimes had. Philosophy and spiritual… whatever the fucked his small exchanges had him opening his mouth about. Feron’s new past time was trying to think of something outrageous to catch him off guard with.

“I have my genius moments but it doesn’t take one to figure out Shepard is one of your reasons for living. What’s the second?”

Thane didn’t answer him, nor gave any other indication that he had heard him other than slipping into silence. Just like all the other stuffy people trained by the Hanar. Or maybe it was just an annoying Thane habit.

_Unreadable prude._

“It’s something stupid isn’t it? Something spiritual? Asari candy? Volus porn? You like to splosh?” Feron turned his head and grinned shamelessly. “That’s disgusting by the way. I figured you more for the S & M kind of guy. I’d rather eat food. Not wear it, but everyone has their thing. Even if you secretly liked to be spanked.” 

The other male ignored him as he continued reading silently, waiting a long moment before he finally answered. “My son.”

The eventual reply surprised him and he felt a flood of questions rise to the surface. This guy had a son? How old was he? Where was he? If he was with Shepard now, obviously the mother was either dead or had released him from the bonding. Did he give his son to the Compact? Or was he holed up somewhere for safe keeping? Was he on the ship? How the hell did he freelance and keep his son around? Was he being philosophical and not referring to some spiritual shit about blah, blah, blah, prayer and hope for his son’s memory or something, or was his son actually alive and well? Goddess forbid… there was another stuck up Krios around?

“You amaze me Feron.” Feron looked at him and purred for clarity, unsure of his words. Thane avoided his stare and closed the book quietly before rising, his words coming out with unembellished venom. “Even you can be made to shut up every once in a while.” 

 Feron glared at him and growled aggressively. “Not that I love your visits or anything but you’re lucky I can’t walk, because you’re an asshole.”

 Thane’s lips quirked just as he left the room.

  _Smug fucker._

* * *

"How old is your son? I’ve been really curious about this. I mean you’re not exactly spritely but he's still a child right? Where is he?" Thane ignored him and continued reading. “Come on… you’re not going to talk about him at all? Does he have your charming personality too, or do people actually like him?”

After another moment of silence Feron huffed in aggravation and fell back against his pillows sighing dramatically. He stared at the ceiling blinking several times before Thane’s voice trailed over to him quietly, the prayer of calling drifting from his lips like a lovers whisper. For a single heartbeat Feron could feel himself wanting to join in. Instead he closed his eyes and listened to the males tone and pitch. Smooth sand wearing down stone. Kalahira’s once faithful servant. Not his death bringer though. 

Feron could hear the belief so strongly in his voice. The love and purity of his prayers. All that hope and devotion pouring out of him like a beacon. He continued listening, he didn’t have a choice, but this time unlike all the others, he gave in and allowed the prayer to wash over him. Just a moment, a single painful moment, until emptiness was the only thing he could feel sucking away every fiber of his being.

He hated Thane in this moment. Hated him because he had found himself. Hated himself because he would never feel any different. No matter how much breath of prayer was wasted on him.

Nothing… that’s what was left for him. His only reprieve.

Opening his eyes he blinked back his rising hatred, fires bubbling like a pit within his gut, grasping onto the handrails he pulled himself up to a sitting position, pain shooting through every nerve ending. He grunted and adjusted himself trying his best to will his legs to work, his feet to move. Sucking in sharp breaths when lightening ceased his lower back giving him pause. Just long enough to make eye contact with the other drell as he waited for the pain to subside.

"It's not too much to ask if you could bust me out of here, could you? I've been in this bed for weeks. Or at least throw my ass out the airlock or something? I need some excitement. You’re really boring, no offense of course.”

“Of course.” Thane answered dryly. “I do not think the doctor or Siha will agree to either of your requests."

“Come on, you whipped? I won’t tell anyone. Promise.” Feron purred coaxingly only resulting in a blank stare from the other male.

“The answer you are looking for, is no.”

Feron sucked his teeth and growled in disgust. "So what are you, my babysitter; my caregiver? Thanks dad. I promise I'll be home for dinner." Feron snickered yanking back the bed sheets before grasping the railing again pulling himself to the edge of the bed. Fuck this guy. No omni-tool. Nothing to do but read that stupid prayer book. He could recite it word for word from memory now.

He slowly moved his legs until they hung from the bed, gauging the distance from where he was to the counter. If he pushed himself he could make it if his arms held the weight. Normally it wouldn’t have been a problem, but that was before his muscle deterioration from starvation and his exciting two year vacation. Every day he could feel himself getting a little stronger now, a little sharper, a little more stir crazy. That human doctor Chakwas said his body was healing nicely. That it would take some time for him to get back to where he was, but it would happen.

It was taking too damn long… and now he was just a prisoner under a different circumstance because of it. They wanted him to heal? He needed something to do. Unfortunately, you couldn’t die from boredom, but he was losing his fucking mind because of it. His hands itched to feel a computer board again, some kind of tech to run beneath his fingertips, something to dabble with and keep his attention.

"Your IV's are going to get caught." Thane stated plainly breaking him from his thoughts. Feron looked down at his arms noticing the tangled lines, several drips of medication. One, probably the drugs they were still giving him to keep him calm, sometimes forcing him to sleep. He ripped out one of them immediately, a purr of disapproval resonating from Thane’s throat as blood trailed down his arm heavily. He ignored him and pulled himself against the railing revving up to make the leap to the counter. If he gauged it right he could shimmy himself over it and towards the other bed, reaching the wheelchair from there.

Fuck Thane. He could make a break for it without his help.

His muscles coiled as he moved his hands, a shock of pain and panic choking him in alarm when he felt something wrap around his arm. He swung blindly, recoiling like he’d been burned, slamming against the bed as agony shot through his spine. Groaning in a sharp intake of air from the shock of the twitch his mind perceived the oncoming lashes; a breaking bone; a slash of a knife. Holding his breath it took him a minute to realize that the strike of agony was a phantom pain, his senses left baffled from the missing strike. Blinking back a rising memory he focused on the male who had caught his fist easily. A cloth pushed against his bleeding scales. Black scales concealing a flash of emerald, unending patience within a calm ocean of unending mystery.

He did his best to bring his breathing back under control before he pulled his bleeding arm against his chest protectively, out of Thane’s hold. His other hand back against the railing, clutching it like a life line preventing him from sinking into the abyss. The prison of his mind where everything waited in memories of horror. A fingerprint away from making him lose himself.

"Don't touch me." He murmured heatedly not in the slightest ashamed when he hissed in warning viciously.

Thane narrowed his eyes dropping the cloth on the bed before holding both of his hands up carefully easing his way from the bed. Feron hissed again, sucking in quick heavy breaths. He knew his eyes were probably blazing and he could only focus on trying to bring his anxiety under control, as he was on the cusp of losing his shit.

He licked his lips and let his hands fall to his lap, swallowing down the stones in his throat, feeling all his cares slip away once again into the void. Closing his eyes he took a single deep breath, before releasing it in jagged bursts, his eyes snapping open when he heard Thane shift before him making a move to sit back in the chair he previously occupied.

“I changed my mind.” He gurgled, forcing his voice to the surface, swallowed up by the oncoming tidal wave. “Can you leave? I just want to go to sleep now.”

The male hesitated, eyes roaming over him critically. Feron hummed his intentions, the lie easily slipping from his ribbing from years of practice. “I’m ok. I’m just really tired now.”

“I can stay with you a little longer.”

“Doesn’t your woman miss you?”

“Shepard is on a mission right now.”

“And she chose to leave you behind.” Feron snickered coughing as he choked back a laugh.

“I chose to stay behind.”

Feron held his breath from the emotion that slipped upon Thane’s features. Care and kindness, something else that made him hesitate, something never directed at him before. No… that wasn’t it. Thane pitied him. The only reason he was probably even here was because of his connection to Shepard. Feron had sacrificed himself so Liara could escape with Shepard’s remains in order for her to be brought back to life by Cerberus. She was here because of him. Now Thane was here, because of her. He didn’t want anyone to feel as if they owed him.

_No attachments. Just move on._

“I’m tired Thane. Please don’t make me sit through another prayer. Not right now.”

Thane nodded slowly and rose from his seat leaving the prayer book on his side table as he moved to the entry way. Dimming the lights he bowed his head politely and finally left him in peace. An immediate sigh of relief releasing from his chest as Feron fell back against his pillows in reprieve. Didn’t anyone understand that he had just wanted to be left alone?

For a long while he just stared at the ceiling trying to clear his mind from everything that still haunted him. A thousand memories desperately ready to dig their claws and drag him back to a moment of helplessness. He had spent every waking minute since, consciously making an effort not to get lost in the bad. How much longer could this go on before he lost himself completely? Muscles constantly twitching involuntarily, waiting for the anticipated pain that no longer came. There was no one… no reason for him to go on. No destiny waiting for him beyond tomorrow. Disconnection completely setting in now. The hollow feeling in his chest spreading into every nerve ending of his being. Soul completely closed off.

He felt like a shell existing in limbo.

Feron searched around for the IV line until his fingers clasped around the needle rubbing the moisture from his eyes to see clearly. The tip blurred as his perception was distorted from the unceasing moisture, the sound of waves rushing in his ears.

_Kalahira, Goddess of inscrutable depths…_

_Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand…_

He found the spot and pushed the needle beneath a patch of scales.

* * *

It was hot and perfect. Stretching his neck he tilted his head back against the scorching heat of the sun, smiling as a feeling of bliss calmed his soul. Shielding his eyes he opened them sluggishly, blinking past the bright lights and blinding rays. Taking a moment for his eyes to adjust he glanced down at his bare feet, sinking into the hot sand beneath. The grainy texture squishing between his toes as he wiggled his feet, a smile spreading across his lips in delight.

He hesitated and glanced around trying to pull upon where he was or what he had been doing. Nothing able to be recalled. The waves caught his attention, the perfect clear blue of oceans never ending upon the horizon. He crouched down and stuck his hands in the sand, grabbing it in large handfuls in glee, creating a small pile before he sat down ready to move more sand compacting it together.

“You have no idea where you are, yet the first thing you do is try to build something in the sand?”

Feron glanced up at the unfamiliar voice, blinking in hesitation from the unknown presence. His frills heating as soon as their eyes met, stomach fluttering uncomfortably. He chuckled and glanced back down at his small mountain of sand, embarrassed at getting caught but nowhere ready to stop.

“You could help me you know. I’m sure we could build something really great together.”

He looked back up at the male nervously, his irises brightening as a soft smile fell over his lips. The blue and green undertones of his scales catching the light making them shimmer just like the oceans beside him. Slowly the male fell to his knees beside him, picking up a nearby seashell ushering him to move over. Feron scooted over a little giving him room to work off of his already started project. Both of them working in silence watching the other as they took turns creating different shapes and piles adding small rocks or shells for decoration. Feron didn’t know why, but something about this male felt safe. Perfect and warm, just like sun and sand. His beautiful scales and black strips stunning against the white material of his linen pants and sleeveless vest. His frills growing warmer the longer he stared.

“I’m Feron by the way.”

The male glanced at him and smiled just as they finished placing the last shell down taking a moment to admire their work. “How long are you planning on staying here?”

“What do you mean?” Feron asked tilling in inquiry unsure of this males question. Did he have somewhere else to go? For some reason he had trouble recalling what he was doing before he got here.

“You don’t belong here.”

“Well that’s rude.” Feron snorted watching the male wipe his hands of the sand, blue eyes softening beneath his black ocular scales as he watched him. “I mean you didn’t even tell me your name and already you’re basically telling me to take a hike.”

“Are you sure you want my name? Can you give me a reason?”

Feron blinked at him slowly, his chest tightening when a sudden pain laced through his side, a gasp escaping his throat. He coughed in confusion trying to catch his breath, an urgency to know this males name taking over him. “I…” He started again wanting to be witty, the need to see another smile on this males mouth driving him on.

Another sharp flash of agony bolted through his chest and Feron grasped the front of his white linen vest bunching the material in his palm as he leaned forward in shock. A slight reprieve before another wracked through his lungs like an erupting volcano. He gasped in terror, confused by the pain that jolted through his body, a hand on his chin guiding his face up to the stoic gaze of the male before him. Fingertips grazing over his frills intimately bending down to brush his lips gently against his before moving them to his ear.

One more explosion of agony tearing through his chest ceased all breaths as he keeled over upon the sand before the other male, crushing the castles they had spent so much time just building. He did his best to blink back the edges of unconsciousness, the feeling so familiar as he tried to make out what the male had whispered to him. Darkness taking over completely. The name and where he had just been, leaving him forever.

_Kolyat…_

* * *

"It was a good thing we had another Drell aboard- a miracle really that you were the same blood type." He felt a brush against his scales. Silk tracing the back of his hand like a mothers testing caress. Voices far away and barely heard. Was this a dream?

"How long did his heart stop for?"

"Chakwas said forty-three seconds... I thought he was doing better."

"I believed it as well."

A pause. Another caress. Too much. The shift of cloth. A heavy exasperated breath. “He needs real help Thane.”

“I know, Siha.”

Mumbled words. Body like stone. Eyelids sealed shut.

“I just told Joker to take us back to the Citadel for resupply. I’m going to make arrangements with Huerta Memorial.

“That is best. I will contact Congregation as well. Have them reach out to him. I..."

"What is it?" Voice tender, filled with emotion he couldn't ever comprehend.

"There is something else. He... he said a name. I wish to discuss it with you when we retire."

  _A name? What name?_

 A moment later darkness embraced him and he succumbed willingly to dreamless sleep.

* * *

He had received an earful from Shepard when he had awoken. Forearms tied down to the sides of the bed. It was a conscious chore not to dwell on the pressure, to slip back into unpleasant memories from the restraints. She had stared at him sadly, 'you gave me no choice'. A prisoner again. He would never be free.

He was kept in a constant state of twilight, drifting in and out of consciousness. Shepard visited as much as she could. Thane and another human woman named Chambers. The happiness oozing off her making him hate her with all that was left within him. He asked her never to return when she had actually showed interest in stripping for him. The joke no longer enjoyable. He had hissed at her in warning when she had tried to touch him after that.

He was never left alone now. Chakwas and her medical staff never out of sight more than a second. His restraints never taken off, his state of twilight never ending. Sometimes he would awaken to Thane's prayer, another to Shepard's hand around his, doing his best to be civil when he pulled it from her grasp. Once, there had even been a salarian scanning him, his voice going a mile a minute when he noticed he had awakened. Feron had never acknowledged him.

Eventually he was moved to Huerta Memorial on the Citadel. Different location, different people, same prisoner, same circumstance. This time however his restraints were removed. It didn't matter though. His will was now gone. That, and there was nothing in the room they had put him in to be creative with. At least the walls weren’t padded.

Physical therapy and psychology appointments. They had changed his doctor three sessions in when his comments finally got to her. His ability to change the subject and thwart her inquiries finally getting to her. That, or she just really didn't want to go out on a date with him. He believed it was the first idea and not the latter. He knew she would eventually give in, if he kept pressing.

“Excuse me.” He heard someone call from the hallway interrupting his busy schedule of staring at the blank wall in front of him. Who the hell did this person think they were for sidetracking him from such detrimental work?

He turned his head glancing at the unknown intruder, a wide grin immediately sliding over his lips cruelly. “I asked for an asari stripper, but if they sent you, I guess it’ll do. Go slow. I like a good show.”

The male drell frowned and took a step back until he was outside the door, his gaze running over the wall next to the entryway. Even from where he was, Feron could see the blue of his irises catching the light beneath his black ocular scales moving from side to side as he read his name and room number. The male eyes narrowed in confusion before he glanced back at him, hesitating at the doorway. Feron grinned in mirth waiting for the male’s apology about coming into the wrong room or some nonsense before he would try to slip away as politely as possible.

_G_ ot to _love the gracious hanar upbringing._

Unexpectedly the male took a step over the threshold back into his room and he blinked in confusion when the drell closed the door behind him, grabbing the chair by the entryway bringing it to his bedside. Dread quickly gripping his stomach.    

“Fuck… you’re from Congregation aren’t you? Look, no one likes a pushy fanatic. I’m not supposed to start until next month. Your making me regret my choice already.”

The male stayed silent a moment longer smoothing his hand down his blue and black leather jacket as he adjusted himself in the chair more comfortably, his smooth liquid voice holding an edge of sensual promises whispered only in the dark.

“I’m not from Congregation, and I’m definitely not a stripper.”

Feron narrowed his gaze as he ran his eyes completely over the male beside him. The typical leathers worn by his species, black and blue bordering turquois. Scales the color of oceans, blue with an undertone of green, a shimmer to them that was almost mesmerizing. Black markings covered the edges of his face ridges, black crescent moons facing outward from the pentagram scale on his forehead. There was something familiar about him, something harsh and carnal about the shape of his mouth. He wasn’t able to stop the lascivious quirk of his lips as he continued to stare. Lewd ideas forming on the tip of his tongue.

“No? That’s actually too bad. I don’t think I would mind watching you strip for me.” 

The male blinked at him slowly, releasing a heavy deliberate breath of irritation. “I’m Kolyat Krios. My father sent me to visit you.”

Feron could feel every single thought leave him as his insides turned to ice. “Krios?” He frowned letting the name leave his lips with a sour taste. “Your Thane’s son?”

Kolyat purred in confirmation nodding his head politely. Feron sucked his teeth and chuckled without joy. “I thought his son was a child.”

“It’s ironic that you would say that.” Kolyat started, catching Feron’s gaze as he looked back at him. “The way father spoke about you. I expected a child as well. Maybe he wasn’t wrong after all.”

“Wow… yeah your definitely Thane’s son. You’re an asshole just like him.”

Kolyat laughed gently, the smooth rumble making his stomach tighten. “He has his moments.”

“Yeah? A whole lot of them. So, are you going to start praying too? Should I start snoring now or later?”

Kolyat shifted in his seat and glanced away thoughtfully. “I thought I was the only one he tortured with that.”

“Well it’s your unlucky day. You’re not as special as you thought you were.”

“No… you’re the unlucky one.” Kolyat corrected him.

Feron shifted himself against his pillows tilling in confusion, a conceited smile spreading across the male’s lips before he leaned slightly towards him lowering his voice.

“It’s too bad for you, because whatever you did to land yourself in this wing, you were put in as unfit to make your own decisions. Shepard released you into my custody… and right now… your life belongs to me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**_Several days prior..._ **

 

"Again."

 

Kolyat shifted on his feet and took a deep measured breath, moving back into his starting position before swiftly striking out with his fist. Sliding his foot forward, he twisted himself into a series of perfectly controlled kicks, punches, and alternating actions. Keeping his core tight, he focused on his breathing, on the precise quick movements. Kolyat surged forward, putting all of his strength into each strike before returning to the neutral pose.

 

Alternating his feet, Kolyat started on the second routine, switching offense to defense, the last set of movements more hand positions and shifting weight. Carefully he slid the tip of his toes over the mat while pushing all of his weight onto the ball of his other foot, ending in an outward punch. Waiting for further instruction he held his last position, learning early in his sessions not to move from the last motion until ordered to. That, or end up flat on his ass with a swift kick or punch.

           

The first few times that happened, it had pissed him off to the point of seeing red. His mind and heart clouded with so much hate, his soul disconnected and lost among the undertow. However, now he welcome the challenge and the understanding that came with it. The discipline and strength required in obtaining his new found foothold in his life.

           

Even then, he could feel the weight of his father’s eyes upon him. Judging and gauging. Kolyat didn’t look at him, knowing it would be considered breaking the routine, sensing Thane move in a half circle around him, studying his form. Silent footsteps coming closer, he felt Thane’s fingers touch his wrist. He pushed Kolyat’s fist up, still held in the ending position, just an inch higher and moved away.

 

"Again, and end it here." Thane’s voice sounded, barely a whisper of breath, commanding and stern.

           

Kolyat moved his feet back to the starting point although his muscles and joints ached from the endless strain, his body on the verge of shaking from exhaustion. He slid his foot out to start again but this time Thane moved swiftly into him, a quick strike he barely registered in time to block. Another and another, forcing him to pick up the pace working off of pure adrenaline while he switched the moves to offensive, striking back at the older man.

           

Thane brushed his strikes away easily, forcing Kolyat to drop his weight and twist, trying to sweep Thane's feet out. The older drell dodged and countered with a decoy kick, which Kolyat blocked before righting himself and prepared for the barrage of quick, relentless strikes that came right after. Kolyat struggled as he deflected the blow, trying to find an opening, lashing out with a hit that was easily parried and pushed back at him. Trying a few more times Kolyat attempted to land a hit, his muscles straining from overexertion.

           

"Focus Kolyat." Thane urged. His deep rumble curt and empty, feet switching up, landing a kick to Kolyat’s side.

           

Kolyat grunted in pain, coughing from the blow, wondering if perhaps a charging krogan would have hurt any less. The strike distracted him enough to leave his midsection open, giving Thane an opportunity to force a fist into the moment of weakness. Kolyat gasped in shock from the torrent of pain, the force dazing him enough for exhaustion to completely overtake him. Holding his stomach, he fell to his knees, doubling over in agony until his forehead hit the mats, reflexively holding up a hand to stop Thane from continuing, although he knew his father had probably already backed down with the impact of the second blow.

           

It took him several moments to catch his breath, an uncontrollable cough erupting from his already excruciating chest. "Next time... just hit me with the _Normandy._ "

           

Turning his head to the side, Kolyat glanced up at Thane standing before him. Posture at ease, hands clasped behind his back. Not even a single sign of exertion after his relentless beat down on Kolyat.

           

"You think it will hurt less?"

           

"Eventually you'll get tired of kicking my ass." Kolyat wheezed, watching his father.

 

Thane's lips quirk slightly, a quiet snicker of air flowing into a soft chuckle. "Perhaps eventually, you will grow tired of falling on it."

           

Kolyat grinned and sucked his teeth, another round of coughs escaping while he slid his hands beneath his chest, pushing himself to his knees and steadily to his feet. "Again?"

           

Thane blinked slowly, eyes studying; assessing. Kolyat could feel the weight of his judgement. He knew his father could tell how exhausted he was but he would continue if Thane really wanted him to.

           

"We will end it here."

           

"Are you sure? I can continue if you wish, father."

           

Thane smiled gently, nodding in understanding. "Indeed, and you can keep falling. Strength also means knowing your limits."

           

Kolyat snorted but tilled respectively, bowing in acceptance to end their session, laughing softly when pain shot through his side making him wince; another cough, a soft groan. “Did you have to kick me so hard?"

           

"No, I could have kicked you much harder." He stated plainly, tone neutral and flat.            

 

_What?_

           

Sighing, Kolyat righted himself and followed after his father as they moved off the mats and through the apartment, nursing his side as they went. It really did feel as if he had been struck by a car rather than an actual person. He still couldn't comprehend how fast Thane was, especially since he knew his father was still holding back.

           

Turning down a long hallway, they made their way through the oversized dwelling and towards the main living area, passing by his father’s room and a large bathroom. At first, Kolyat had been a little uncomfortable moving in with his father, rather than sticking to hotels and rented rooms. He never liked staying in one place too long, nothing ever feeling like it was a right fit. His jaw had hit the floor when he had seen the apartment his father had acquired for them to share. An overly large living room, open kitchen, and dining room area occupied the first floor along with a dojo in the back. A metal, railed, spiral staircase lead to a second floor where his master bedroom and bathroom were. The size of was something he could have easily placed three hotel rooms in.

           

The price was ridiculous, too. So much cheaper than a place like it could truly be worth, something he was able to afford on his C-Sec salary alone. Just recently, he had found out that Shepard actually owned the apartment, one of several she had on the Citadel, and offered it to Thane and Kolyat to stay in. All Kolyat had to do was pay the monthly maintenance and utilities.

           

"How long are you staying this time?" Kolyat asked taking a seat at the kitchen counter, watching as Thane opened the cabinet, taking out a container of cinuela leaves, raising an eye ridge in silent question. Kolyat purred in confirmation, and Thane nodded, opening the lid to scoop out the contents to begin the brewing process.

           

"A few days. Siha has some business to conclude, and the ship needs to be refueled."

           

"She doesn't need your help with punching people or whatever else she does?"

           

Thane snorted softly. “Not this time.”

           

"Must be a slow visit."

           

"Shore leave."

 

           "Uh huh." Kolyat purred lightly, not fully believing that Shepard was not there not to cause some kind of havoc. Honestly, he was surprised she wasn't dragging his father or, even, him around somewhere. Especially since the last time they had docked, it had taken him three days to process the paperwork when he was called off of patrol to deal with a bar brawl her crew had started. Since half of her crew had already known him, he had been the one called off of patrol to deal with the disturbance. Most had even listened and calmed down enough for him to work. Mainly though it was because they didn't want to piss off Thane and jeopardize Kolyat's job or safety.

           

Thane placed the cups down upon the counter and sat across from Kolyat, both of them enjoying the calmness between them while they sipped their tea quietly. The sudden silence and way his father stared at the table indicated that something weighed heavily on his mind. Is that perhaps why he was spending extra time with Kolyat and not his future _hara_?

           

"Are you well, Father?" Kolyat asked carefully, suddenly fearful that perhaps his father’s  Kepral's had worsened despite his reassurance.

           

"I am."

           

"Are the treatments...?”

           

Thane glanced up at Kolyat in confusion, quickly blinking it away with realization. "Ah, my apologies. I did not mean to cause you unnecessary alarm. I assure you, Mordin is doing everything he can. I have begun new treatments, and this one is showing progress. It is slow, but Mordin is hopeful, as am I."

           

"Good. I hope Mordin can help, if he's as good as you say he is."

 

"Do not fear, my son. I assure you, we still have much time together."

           

"If you survive the Omega-4 Relay." Kolyat knew his words were harsh. It wasn't that he was upset his father was planning to carry out this suicide mission. Far from it in fact. He was proud of him, even though he might die. Kolyat was more frustrated by the fact that after all this time of thinking Thane was dead, to finally have him back and then lose him all over was hard to process. Especially since they had finally started to reconcile. So much time wasted, and finally a chance to make it right, only to have it threatened with loss once again.

           

"Kolyat, I believe in Siha, as should you."

           

Kolyat nodded and picked up his cup, blowing softly over the surface, the steam wafting from the cup in little puffs of dancing smoke. "She has done the impossible on more than one occasion. I have no choice but to trust that the both if you will return to me. After all, when you succeed, she will be my mother."

 

           A slow smile fell over Thane's lips, the softness in his eyes only ever reserved for Kolyat or now Shepard. "So, you have thought about what I discussed with you the last time we were together?"

           

"I have." He nodded solemnly,

eyes shifting around the apartment. "I wanted to wait for your next visit before I started moving your belongings. Unless you would like to wait until after you return from your mission?"

           

"There is no rush. I will inform Siha later. If you are available, she wanted to have dinner with the both of us."

           

Kolyat nodded and dropped his gaze, unsure how he wanted to approach the subject of becoming Shepard's mate, too. Thane had never asked him, and it was a rare occurrence, but Kolyat knew it could be a real possibility. The life his father lead and his sickness, not to mention his age being much older than the human woman he loved so much... her age much closer to Kolyat’s. Thane would pass before her.

           

"There is something else... just so we are clear, if your treatments fail, or the worse should come to pass.... I do not want Rishka'fahn."

           

Surprisingly Thane smiled faintly again, nodding solemnly. "I suspected. Siha was hesitant when she learned of it. The choice is yours, of course, but may I ask why?"

           

_Because she's Commander Shepard._

           

_Because she shot at me and punched me._

           

_Because you love her so deeply, I would never want to compete._

_Because I prefer men._

           

"Shepard... I could never be what she needs. I would not be able to take your place. I do not believe we would ever be comfortable and…. She kind of scares me."

           

Thane quirked his lips up, humming thoughtfully. "She can be... intimidating at times."

           

"Terrifying, actually."

           

"Inspirational."

           

"Overwhelming."

           

"Breathtaking."

 

Kolyat smiled and glanced up at Thane. "You know, she mentioned the same thing to me about you, once."

           

Thane dropped his gaze towards his cup, frills deepening into a ruby hue as he fell into silence. Kolyat had come to really enjoy those moments. The tiny indications, where he could see the depth of his father's feelings. Although, it had taken him a little while to mentally accept his father's love of another. He was at peace with how he felt about it, now. After his heart had settled, Kolyat had even come to like the Commander. Seeing for himself in stolen moments how much she cared and truly accepted Thane in return.

           

Kolyat had never fully healed from how he had lost his mother but, being with his father again and learning the truth of everything... it finally brought some closure.  For both of them. A closeness beginning to happen between them that never existed before. Thane no longer felt like an unknown stranger, but someone he could actually open up to, accept, and be accepted in return.

           

"Kolyat... there is something I do wish to discuss with you."

           

"I could tell, father. Whatever it is, I will listen."

           

Thane paused for several heartbeats, taking a sip from his tea, staring at Kolyat, the older man’s gaze studying and waiting. Kolyat knew not to press him. His father worked on a different wavelength than most he would ever meet in his lifetime. Never rushed, never pressed or losing his patience unnecessarily. Every move or word precise and never unneeded. It had taken Kolyat a long while to admit it, but he admired his father; Thane’s way of perceiving the world, his unending patience, discipline, and what he was willing to do for the people he loved. One day, Kolyat wished he could be at least half the man his father was.

           

"I have a favor to ask of you.  However, I am ambivalent about how to go about explaining." Thane murmured, his hands clasping the cup while he stared at the cloudy liquid within.

           

“Just… start at the beginning.”

           

“It is difficult to ascertain exactly where the beginning is, but… there is a young man I have come to know these last few weeks, few months actually. Siha and I saved him from… terrible circumstances. He is in a great deal of pain. Not just physically but... mentally. His soul is closed off. He is also the reason Siha is even alive. The one who sacrificed himself, so she could be brought back from Kalahira's shore."

           

Kolyat quietly listened in awe. Shepard had told him once about the Cerberus base she had awakened from after remembering herself suffocating to death in space. Kolyat had asked her questions about how they had even been able to bring her back or retrieve her body. She had simply stated that good friends never give up on you.

 

“Does he need help?” Kolyat wondered, trying to figure out exactly what his father was asking of him.

           

“More so than Siha and I are able to provide.”

           

“What do you need from me, then, if the both of you are not even able to help him?”

           

Thane shook his head and blinked slowly, green eyes filled with conviction. “Because we are not the one’s meant to help him.”

           

“I still don’t understand.” Kolyat shook his head in confusion.

           

"I do not know why, but I believe Arashu has fated for the both of you to meet somehow. For what purpose, though… that is not for me to know."

           

"What kind of person is he?"

           

Thane chuckled and closed his eyes as if taking a moment to think. Finishing his tea, Kolyat moved from his seat and went back to the pot. Refilling their cups, Kolyat placed the kettle back upon the stove and leaned his hip against the counter, patiently waiting for his father to speak again.

           

"He is vocal and loud. Rude and unforgiving when he speaks. He never holds back his thoughts."

           

"Sounds like someone else I know." Kolyat grinned, knowing his father would know immediately who he was talking about.

           

“He is worse than Siha at times.” Thane purred in acceptance hiding a smirk behind a sip of his tea.

_Great..._

           

Kolyat frowned at the prospect of worse things coming out of someone’s, other than Shepard’s mouth. Was that even possible?

_And my father thinks the Gods have fated for us to meet?_

           

"I believe there is a purpose for it, though." Thane spoke, pulling Kolyat out of his inner musings.

           

"So, there is a reason for him to be an ungrateful asshole?"

           

"As were you, once." Thane chuckled again, making Kolyat snicker. "Do not mistake his demeanor for the truth of his character. He has experienced much in his short life, more so than you or I. It is also not over for him. He still has much yet to overcome. He hides his pain through jokes and false smiles, lies and ambiguity. He suffers much, Kolyat. He needs your help."

           

It had to be important for Thane to even ask this of him. Kolyat wouldn't have even brought it up, if the person meant nothing. That fact that he was even mentioning it, and even asking Kolyat to help, spoke volumes. Although he truly didn’t want any extra responsibilities at the moment, in the end this is what he had been waiting for. An opportunity for his father to rely on him. To show Thane that he was capable. That Kolyat could handle anything life threw at him.

           

"What can I do?" The words left Kolyat’s mouth before he could stop himself.

           

Thane looked back up, silent and gauging, before his green eyes locked on Kolyat with a pull that made his stomach feel as if it was clutching the very foundation he stood on. The threat of sinking through an abyss became real and plausible while something in the air shifted around him. Why did it feel as if he had just sealed his fate as soon as those words left his mouth?

           

"Siha wants to appoint you his legal guardian. She wants you to look after him, keep him safe... as do I."

 

* * *

"What?" Feron hissed, voice boiling over into an all-consuming inferno, threatening to burn away all the calm sanity left within him.

           

What the fuck did Kolyat mean? Feron’s life belonged to him? Who the hell did Kolyat think he was, coming into his room uninvited and telling Feron he was being released into this assholes care? What made it worse was the fact that Kolyat had admitted into being the son of one of the most irritating individuals Feron ever had the horror of meeting. Honestly, if Kolyat wasn’t Thane’s son, he would have probably made a lewd comment about how hot that scenario was, and questioned Kolyat’s dirty plans with him. Feron was completely unconcerned with his well being any longer, but… this was Thane’s fucking son! Why did it have to be him of all people?

           

_And now this son of a bitch is staring at me with that same irritating smugness his father has._

           

Feron growled and bit his tongue, watching in escalating hatred as Kolyat leaned back in his chair comfortably, secretly wishing he could stand and kick it out from under him. Licking his lips before they quirked, the turquois man stared back at him haughtily, blue irises blazing behind his dark ocular scales in defiance.

              

“Nothing to say now?”

 

_He’s just like him!_

           

Feron hissed once more in anger, baring his teeth viciously, hands balled into fists upon his lap. He had thought he was having a good day. Of course it was a Krios fucking it up. Already he could feel darkness spreading over his vision like a strangling vine. Obsidian claws swimming across his peripheral, breaths forced out in quick, successive, gasps, while his body started to tremble. Memories of confinement, a blink away from flooding his lips, a physical strain to keep them at bay. Just when he thought he was almost done with this place, with everyone around him- playing the smiling game, keeping his calm composure, doing the tap dance the doctors wanted from him- only to find out everything in his gods forsaken life was nothing but a shitty illusion. He had planned on disappearing as soon as they released him. Finish what he had tried to start several times over. Feron would make sure he wasn't a failure anymore.

           

_A prisoner. Always a prisoner._

               

“I’m a little disappointed. Father said you like to talk a lot of nonsense. I expected you to be more vocal.”

               

“Funny,” Feron lashed out curtly. “Because you’re the only one spewing irrelevant bullshit right now.”

           

Kolyat frowned and narrowed his gaze from Feron’s outburst. “Bullshit? You think I’m lying to you?”

           

_If I kill him, how long will I sit in prison before Thane would come after me? The madness of new confinement sending me over the edge. I could force his hand. Kalahira’s faithful servant lost among the waves, awakened once again…_

           

Feron laughed heartlessly, looking away, fingers rubbing his eyes as he tried to brush away the thoughts that violently took him. This wasn’t like him, and he knew it. Shame peeked through. Thane and Shepard didn't deserve what he was thinking but... something about this man stirred something within him automatically, and he didn’t understand it. Feron never got angry, never cared enough to let anyone get to him. Just stored everything away for later, never showed anyone he gave a shit about anything, but this male… Thane’s son of all the individuals in the universe…. What. The. Fuck.

           

_Kalahira… I beg of you… just drown me already._

          

"Tell me, exactly how was Shepard able to 'release me' into your care?" Feron strained his vocals, doing his best to take shallow breaths through his nose easing his raging emotions choking his lungs in paralyzing despair.

 

The question made Kolyat hesitate. His head tilting to the side thoughtfully, both sets of eyelids blinking in uncertainty before he finally murmured, gaze falling to the floor. "Nothing was explained to you? No one told you anything? I thought-"

              

"Explained what?" Feron pressed, patience waning, suppressing the urge to hiss again while his fingers clamped around the bed sheet over his lap.

               

"You're listed as incapacitated. Your rights... they've been forfeit."

           

Feron felt all the fight leave him, nausea flooding his stomach, mouth filling with extra saliva while he fought to keep the little contents within him. He released the sheets under his palms, shoulders slouching, the void ripping back open within him. Another state of nonbeing. Feron wanted to cry. He wanted to be left alone. He thought... well, it didn't matter what he thought, what he wanted. Nothing mattered.

           

Eight hundred and forty-six days of examples.

           

Fifty-seven days too late. Wasted efforts after he finished demonstrating his threshold for examples.

           

Three failed attempts at reaching Kalahira’s shores by his own hand.

           

Feron tried to talk, his voice struggling, a gurgle before he was able to produce sound, gaze fixated on his legs hidden beneath the white crisp sheets, unseeing. "Shepard... was she the one..."

               

"I don't know who made the decision," Kolyat answered quietly, tone drastically changing to remorse.

           

It had to be Shepard. Who else had that kind of pull? It was also plausible she had went to Liara for help since the asari had taken over as the new Shadow Broker.

_Well shit..._

           

Kolyat suddenly chuckled and Feron glanced up in confusion. Did he just say that out loud? The smooth vocals flowed from Kolyat's lips like liquid seduction. Feron frowned in discontent from the melody, anger slowly slipping back into the darkness within him.

 

"Trust me, that's what I thought when I was asked to be your guardian and..." Kolyat fell silent and glanced away, sighing momentarily. "I really thought I was meeting a child."

 

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Freaking pervert."

 

"What?" Kolyat raised his voice in disbelief, eyes narrowing while they fell back on Feron, blue oceans hidden behind the outer layer of the Krios taint. "Is that really the first thing that goes through your head? Who's the pervert, I wonder?"

 

"I don't even understand how Shepard pulled this off."

 

Kolyat's expression fell, his eyes averting from Feron once more before he turned his head, thoughts far away. Kolyat didn’t even have the balls to look him in the eyes as the damn man signed Feron’s fate, did he? "She's good at pulling strings."

 

"Apparently." Feron growled.

 

"Look, I didn't ask for this."

 

"But you accepted, didn't you? You still had a choice about it. Did you not?"

 

_Unlike me._

              

"Not when my father is involved." Kolyat's voice faltered, expression utterly shutting down. A hidden pain he was trying to block others from seeing. Feron might not have  even caught it if he had not been trained to catch the small ticks in vocals, the subtle shift in vacant facial expressions.

          

_And his father is an asshole, so…_

           

So their relationship was strained, at the very least. Or, Kolyat was being sincere about his own lack of choice in the matter. Perhaps Feron was the reason for tension between them at the present. If that even was the case.

           

_Good._

           

An instant of uncomfortable silence fell for several heartbeats, like a thick fog between them, as they stared at one another. Enough time for Feron to study the man before him. The slight shimmer of his scales inconsistent while he shifted uncomfortably in the lights. Green to blue, to turquoise, teal and back again. Long slender fingers like his fathers but a bulkiness in his shoulders not present on the old fucker. Kolyat was far from the child Feron first suspected him to be, probably around the same age as Feron. At least old enough to be given legal rights, making his life hell and causing chaos if Kolyat so chose.

 

_Shepard sure did like the daddy scene, apparently._

 

"So... if what you said is true. What do you plan on doing to me?" Feron asked carefully leaning back against his pillows, giving the facade of civility.

 

"To you? You mean with you?"

               

"Sure." Feron grinned lewdly, the weight of his fixated gaze causing Kolyat to shift in his chair uncomfortably.

           

Kolyat blinked carefully, his expression closed off and guarded. Feron could tell he was forcing himself not to react. Was this the part where they felt each other out? Two people forced together who knew nothing of one another. It was a setup for a bad movie with disastrous consequences.

           

The taste of ash filled his mouth.

          

"Father said you've been through a lot and needed time to heal. So it is best if you remain here for now. I still have to look over your medical records, speak with your doctors, and most importantly… I would like to get to know you. After all... I am responsible for you now."

          

Feron just sat there and glared at him suspiciously for several heartbeats. The sound of blood rushing his ears, the sour smell of futility wafting around him. "So what? You want to be best friends? Paint each other’s nails? Stay up all night and share stories about our first time?”

           

“I just want to talk.” Kolyat sighed, shaking his head, returning Feron’s glare.

               

_Thane’s scowl is so much more intimidating, and he called me the child..._

"Talk?”

               

"For now."

               

"So, you do like foreplay." Feron snickered, grinning without warmth.

 

Kolyat remained impassive to his comment as Feron licked his drying lips and sighed. He had gotten a rise out of the aqua man before, but in the end he was probably uptight and boring, just like his father. Adjusting himself against his pillows, Feron glanced up at the ceiling momentarily for a mental reset. Sighing heavily, he took in a deep breath and stared evenly at the man before him, growling threateningly.  “I’m just warning you… if you start praying, I swear- let’s just say, you’re lucky I won’t be able to strangle you with these IV lines.”

           

Kolyat grinned and flashed his teeth. Kolyat’s smile and soft laugh lit his face up in delight, instantly making Feron’s grin falter, staring at him in astonishment. A sinking feeling hit his stomach, nausea sweeping through like a desperate plague from the pitch of Kolyat’s vocals, how amazing his voice sounded, how much Feron hated how it actually made him feel something more than emptiness. Forcing air into his lungs, Feron focused on the push and pull of breaths, keeping his gaze steady, face void of any emotion, grasping at the fall of desolation.

           

“How much exactly did my father torture you with his prayer book?”

               

“Enough to drive me crazy,” Feron answered bitterly, closing his eyes to keep himself from slipping into one of the nights Thane had read to him, while all he wanted to do was die and be left alone. Feron swallowed roughly, fists bunching the sheet on his lap, the whisper of his past, a brush away from escaping. He tried to fight the strangled sound from breaking free, a constant strain, while he bit his lip and forced his words to remain silent, breaths picking up speed.

           

_I want you to leave..._

_I want to be left alone..._

           

_I want..._

           

_To be forgotten._

       

“Yeah… he did it to me in the beginning, too… when I was lost.” Kolyat's voice faltered, the joviality slipping into solemn quietness.

 

Feron forced his eyes open and glanced back at the man before him, Kolyat’s blue  irises washing over him, falling upon Feron’s knuckles. His hands wringing the fabric over his lap like a life line.

              

"Talk to me, so you don’t fall. If you concentrate on speaking… where were you born?”

               

“Kahje.” Feron fought to say, grimacing through the pain. The weight of his chest feeling as if it wanted to cave in, his body shook with every struggled breath.

           

“What was your favorite thing to do as a child? Give me a memory.”

               

“Hiding… and running.” Feron took a deep, shuddering gasp, trying to center himself on a moment from his early days. He focused on the first thing that came to mind. The smell of _ba’haut_ fruit, and his mother’s gentle scent filled his nostrils, laced with the smell of the _ari’ney_ flower she had loved so much. Feron let himself fall, the past slipping from his lips, memory relived once more.

           

_“Voice melodic and soft.’Play with them. Don’t stay by yourself.’ I grimace and look up, golden eyes studying me from head to toe. Worry and disappointment. Always a disappointment. ‘I like being alone. They don’t like to play with me anyway.’ I confess to her, sadness tightening my chest. ‘Who told you that?’ Her dress shifts, golden silks like perfect waves as she sits on the stairs next to me, laughter in the courtyard drifting towards us. Children playing, pushing, giggling, squealing, joyful sounds. I glance up at her, smiling bitterly. ‘They can never find me. Say I run too fast. I can always find them. Fah’la said the only reason they even play with me is because of who I am.’ Her arm wraps around me pulling me close, lips brushing over my forehead, the scent of ari’ney filling my nose. She whispers in my ear. ‘Come catch me and then go hide. I promise I’ll find you.’ She pushes me away and laughs, voice like prayer bells, gathering her skirt and bunching it at her knees, she runs swiftly through the courtyard. The children stop and stare at her in astonishment. Adjusting my headpiece, my heart speeds with joy. I take off running.”_

               

"Who was that?" Kolyat asked gently, expression softening, leaning just a little closer, his hand reaching forward but hesitating as he caught himself and pulled it back.

           

“My mother.” Feron felt his frills heat at the intimate memory, the shame he felt at allowing that particular moment to slip free. Blinking slowly, the sheets fell free from his grasp, the cotton crinkled and disrupted from the result of his shifting emotions, manifesting beneath his palms. Emptiness taking over again, a weariness slipping through his muscles, exhaustion settling in. Taking a deep, slow breath he held it in for a long moment before releasing it smoothly, a slight tremble past his lips. Feron’s eyes opened to glance at the man before him when Kolyat’s gentle voice drifted back to him.

           

_"My fingers slide against the doorframe, breath held in check as I watch her in awe. The music is fast and filled with joy, the words of lovers reunited. She sways side to side, her crystal voice singing the words, matching every perfect pitch. I watch her entranced. Emotion fills her voice. My foot comes forward, the floor squeaks. I hesitate, and she turns towards me. Bright sunset eyes staring back. ‘Do you want to join me, or are you not done hiding?’’ I grin widely and step forward once more, her hands reaching for me eagerly. She yanks my arm playfully and spins me, her laughter fills my ears."_

           

Kolyat blinked rapidly and pulled himself from the memory, his pupils constricting when they zeroed back in on Feron. "I liked to dance as a child. It was one of the few things that made me happy."

           

"So dance, while you strip for me. It might be enough to distract me further." Feron tilled seductively, brow ridges rising in challenge.

           

Kolyat snorted and shook his head, but unlike the first moment of meeting, this time, a faint smile quirked his full, sin-carved mouth. He hated to admit it, but Thane's son was actually not bad looking.

           

He still didn't like him though.

           

The monitor beside Feron let out a quiet click before a silent pulsing light began on the side of the panel. An indicator alerting him that the timer had ended. Any moment, a nurse would come through his door and administer a benzodiazepine. A drug they had started to give him  when his third psychiatrist had not been successful at getting him to talk. Just like the first two. He was actually surprised they didn't whip out the coloring books and dolls yet. 'Did anyone try to touch your no no spot?' So far, he was still able to fight through the drugs and thwart most of the questions, after all, he had been through much worse than anything they could offer. This place was a vacation spot compared to the last two and a half years.

           

"Did your medication run out?" Kolyat asked, motioning with his chin towards the sensor.

           

"It's letting me know my date is about to arrive."

           

As if on cue, an asari walked through the doorway, holding a small tray. Nurse Amari, the early-evening regular, unfortunately married and refused to suck him off, was nothing but a waste of a pretty face. Feron had started to despise her after every visit, and even though he was lewd to her, he only did it to get under her skin.

 

He didn’t care how angry she would get at him, he wouldn’t have wanted that nasty bitch’s mouth anywhere near his dick anyway. One night, he had heard an argument between Amari and, what he assumed, was her wife. Amari had accused her ball and chain of cheating on her, just as Feron was coming out of a previous forced twilight. It was just enough for him to know to piss her off passive-aggressively. She was one of those that enjoyed watching pain in others, and he had called her out on it after observing her mannerisms.

           

Every time she got rough with him after, he would subtly suggest that maybe if she was gentler, her wife might like her more. Or if she smiled, she might get a chance of getting laid, instead of coming home to an empty house. She always made the treatments hurt after that.

 

He knew people like her, more than he would care to admit. Those that took an enjoyment in having power over someone unable to defend themselves. To cause pain and relish another’s misery. She enjoyed given him the drugs that made him docile, drowning him in non being. He hated falling asleep while she watched him, it was worse than the people who had put their hands on him,and he only saw poison in her eyes.

           

_Just like everyone else._

           

"You have company today, Mr. Takai?"

           

"I do?" Feron snickered, blinking in mock surprise, shifting his gaze between Kolyat and nurse happy-go-fuck-herself. "You mean you can see him, too? Shit. I thought he was just my dirty fantasy. So then you have no choice..." He turned back to Kolyat. "You have to keep your clothes on. She doesn't deserve the show. Try not to show her how disappointed you are."

           

"I'll refrain from indicating the tragedy of it all." Kolyat deadpanned.

           

Feron grinned widely and purred at Kolyat in coy delight. "Are you sure you’re Thane's son? You almost made an enjoyable retort. You might not actually be related, then. I hope you realize that."

           

The nurse shook her head, missing the frown Kolyat gave Feron, resting the tray next to the table by the bedside, Amari quickly checked the monitors, making notes on her omnitool. "Are you planning on being receptive to Dr. Bennet today?"

           

"Bennet is just upset he can't cream his pants because I refuse to kiss and tell." Feron snickered, turning his gaze from Kolyat back to the woman

           

"I see you’re being your enjoyable self today. We will see how you feel in a few minutes."

           

"I love it when you talk dirty," Feron murmured, the humor no longer reaching his voice as he steeled his nerves, watching as she checked his IV lines and grabbed the open line, waiting for the burn of the medication. He knew it was pointless to fight it anymore. His first few attempts ended with several people putting their hands on him, sending him into blind panic and turmoil, painful restraints keeping him down while they forced the shit into him anyway.

           

_It would have been easier if I had just died._

           

_Kalahira must have forgotten my name._

           

"What is that?" Kolyat spoke up, eyeing the syringes on the tray, Amari's face, and then her hands as they pulled on the line to make sure the drip was clear; just enough to cause Feron discomfort.

           

"Something to keep Mr. Takai calm."

           

Something flashed in Kolyat's eyes, a hardness Feron had yet to see. "He seems pretty calm to me, is that really necessary? What kind of medication is it?”

 

"I am not at liberty to discuss Mr. Takei's treatments with you."

 

“It’s midazolam,” Feron answered dryly, averting his gaze momentarily until Kolyat’s silence pulled him back.

 

Frowning deeply, Kolyat opened his omnitool, gaze darkened further when he, most likely, read what it was used for. Sucking his teeth loudly, Kolyat rose from his seat, lips harsher and more defined while his displeasure grew. “How often do they give you this shit?”

Feron hesitated with the sudden emotion in the other man’s voice. The passionate way he asked, seizing Feron’s tongue, as he stared up at the death dealer’s son. Traces of Kolyat’s father peeking through his son’s persona. It had to be a facade. He didn’t actually care, did he?

 

“Every day,” Feron forced himself to admit, the disclosure causing shame to well within his chest.

 

“This is ridiculous.” Kolyat shook his head in aggravation, switching screens on his omnitool, turning his arm around for Amari to see. Signed documents filled the device while Kolyat transferred them from Rhaka to Galactic common for her to read. “As of last night, Feron Takai is no longer a ward of the Citadel, he belongs to me. I have legal rights as his proxy and guardian, and I will not have him subjected to any non-vital medication. I wish to speak with his doctor.”

 

“It doesn’t matter if you speak to the doctor or not. It doesn’t matter if you’re his guardian. Dr. Bennet requires him to have this drug for safety reasons.”

 

"Whose safety? His? Yours? The Citadel's? I think you give him way too much credit."

 

"Says you." Feron deadpanned, leaning back against his pillows, purring aggressively towards Kolyat. He glanced at Feron and grinned haughtily, eyes shifting back to Amari as she spoke again.

 

"We've had issues with Mr. Takai in the past. He tried to escape once when he became anxious. He also has a tendency of violent outbursts.”

 

Kolyat raised an eye ridge quizzically to look back at Feron, like he was trying to assess the truth of her words. Without answering, Feron snorted rudely and crossed his arms over his chest. There was no use denying the truth of the matter. Although, he had only grown anxious the first time, when Amari had grabbed his wrist to give him pain medication, he had hissed and hit her on reflex, his body and mind sometimes unable to tell the difference between phantom pains and friendly concern. In the end, she was a bitch though, and he wasn’t sorry in the slightest.

 

“He needs it for his treatments,” Amari pressed further, her words caused Kolyat to narrow his eyes in suspicion while she continued to prepare Feron’s injections.

 

"First you say it's a safety precaution, now it's for treatment. What is the actual story, or perhaps your staff is just inept at handling him, and abusing your authority?”

.

“I'm just doing my job,”  Amari replied dryly, her features shutting down mechanically. “If you have any complaints, take it up with his doctor. Otherwise, you have no right to be here. Visiting hours are over."

 

"Kolyat-"

 

"Shut up." Kolyat snapped at Feron who tried to cut in, leaving Feron to suck his teeth in surprised displeasure, before Kolyat turned back towards Amari in seething annoyance. "You’re joking right? You're about to try and pull that authority bullshit on me? I'm about to turn it back on you. I'm C-Sec, and now I'm giving you a direct order; hold off on the medication, until I review his charts."

 

Amari laughed loudly, an annoying high-pitched banshee sound, that made Feron wince. She waved her hand before her, as if to brush off Kolyat’s words. "You’re so full of it. There's no drells in C-Sec, everyone knows that."

 

Feron watched all the warmth leave Kolyat's face, a coldness settling over his features while his muscles tensed, a warning till vibrating from his throat, fists tightened at his sides. Amari ignored his growl and continued chuckling, shaking her head to disregard Kolyat.

 

Feron exhaled dramatically, highly disappointed by the man before him. He would have figured Thane's son to at least be a good liar like Feron expected Thane to be. "If you're going to lie, at least make it believable."

 

"Again, you think I'm lying?" Kolyat pressed in rising animosity, teeth clashing together, lip raised slightly in disgust.

 

"Of course.” Feron shrugged indifferently. Kolyat did realize Feron wasn’t intimidated by him in the slightest, didn’t he? “I might not piss on the woman to help if she was on fire, but her words are true."

 

"So, you would believe a woman you clearly hate, over someone trying to help you?"

 

"What can I say? I have trust issues." Feron purred, the sound only meant for Kolyat to hear, solely to let him know, rudely, that he was done with the conversation.

 

"You can trust me," Kolyat murmured, their eyes quickly meeting, Feron's breath froze momentarily as the sound of Kolyat's conviction held him in place.

 

_Why does he sound so sincere?_

 

Amari's movements brought both of them back to the present, using their distraction as an opportunity to push the syringe into the open line. Kolyat moved quickly and grabbed her wrist, side stepping to twist it behind her back. The sudden movement startled both of them, but Amari had it the worst as she gasped in alarm, the needle dropping to the ground between them with a quiet clank.

 

Feron hoped it shattered and stabbed her in the foot.   

       

"Are you crazy? Let go of me!" Amari raised her voice in alarm, using more strength than necessary to try and pull herself free, causing her to fall back and lose her balance, stumbling onto the monitors when Kolyat released her. The whole situation made Feron's jaw drop, eye ridges rising in surprise.

 

_Oh shit..._

 

Feron blinked slowly in disbelief from Kolyat’s quick movement, Amari’s loud, erratic screech’s, turning his stomach to the throes of full blown nausea. Gods he hated her voice.

 

"How dare you!" Amari seethed, gritting her teeth, rubbing her arm where Kolyat grabbed her, biotic energy flowing over her skin. “Leave, or I’m having you arrested.”

 

Feron grinned and tilled in interest, sitting back against his pillows when the excitement had him leaning forward in delight. He was very interested now in how this would play out. Would she try to strike out at him in return? Throw his ass out of the room with a biotic push? Call C-Sec and report him? Although, let's be honest, how boring would that be?

 

Feron shook his head in mirth and chuckled loudly. “You are so getting arrested.”

           

“Seriously?” Kolyat frowned, crossing his arms over his chest.

 

“What?” Feron answered defensively.

 

“You’re acting as if you don’t care that I’m trying to help you.”

 

“I don’t care,” Feron admitted. “They don’t allow me to have a tv, at least I’m getting entertained.”

 

Kolyat narrowed his eyes in uncertainty - was he surprised by Feron’s disregard? “I’m not here for your entertainment.” Kolyat’s voice now held an edge of hollowness.

 

Feron’s eyes ran over Kolyat fluidly before he licked his lips again and grinned lasciviously. This poor man was surely mistaken if he thought Feron was going to make it easy for him. “You sure about that?”

 

Movement from the doorway caught his attention as his pudgy, red-faced, out of breath, doctor came barreling into his room accompanied by a turian C-Sec Officer. They both stopped to assess the situation, the dark grey skinned turian assessing every inch of the room, probably trying to figure out exactly what was going on.”

 

“What is going on in here!” The human man demanded, gaze wildly glancing between all of them. “A distress signal sounded from your omnitool, Lisaiya. Is everything ok?”

 

_My, my, my, first name basis now, are we?_ Feron grinned propping his elbow up on the bed rail to rest his cheek upon his knuckles, waiting for everything to unfold. He wondered if Amari was sleeping with the human man for him to come in overly alarmed. That sure would explain a lot of things. It would also give a reason for Amari not to care about how much Feron tried to insinuate things about her wife lately. That had to be the real reason she didn't want to blow him then, he wouldn’t accept any other reality.

 

“This man assaulted me! He also impersonated a C-Sec Officer. I want him arrested immediately,” Amari spoke up quickly, viciously motioning towards Kolyat.

 

Feron sucked his teeth and shook his head sighing heavily from the whole situation now, gaze falling on Amari in discontent. “You disappoint me Amari, I thought your balls we’re bigger than that.”

 

Not only did Amari actually call C-Sec, but now she was most likely going to exaggerate the tale. Feron hated to admit it, but he would do his best to try and help Kolyat if he could. However, two facts did remain, and what nurse-go-fuck-herself said was indeed true. Kolyat did assault her, and he did try to impersonate an officer.

 

Feron wondered how long Koyat would have to sit in holding now until Shepard or Thane had to bail him out. Imagined him sitting in a cell, staring at the walls, contemplating his life choices. Would Daddy Dearest be mad at having to pay off all those credits? Maybe spank him for good measure? Would Shepard scold him like the the wrathful deity Thane pet named her for?

 

“Mind telling me your side of the story?” The turian asked Kolyat who, to Feron’s surprise, showed no sign of nervousness about being charged with assault.

 

“I’m Officer Krios, badge number 79854,” He answered, reaching into the breast pocket of his jacket to produce a gold badge. “After identifying myself as C-Sec, she failed to comply to a legalized direct order. After she disregarded my instructions, I had to momentarily restrain her from continuing her actions.”

 

The C-Sec officer glanced at Feron and then back to Amari who took a step back in unfathomable horror. Feron couldn't hold back the laugh that suddenly erupted from his throat, cutting across the thick fog of 'take that bitch!' that filled up the uncomfortable atmosphere. Well, not for him. However, Amari was probably shitting her pants now. The irony of the whole thing making his shoulders shake as the laugh continued, the situation absolutely phenomenal and incredibly awkward, and so wonderfully perfect.

 

_He didn’t lie after all. Kolyat Krios actually is a cop, and his father..._

_Goddess, this is priceless…_

 

_“_ Is this true?” The officer asked Feron, giving Amari a quick, scrutinizing glare and telling her to be quiet when she tried to speak up.

“Yes.” Feron caught his breath from his laughter, still on a high from the irony. “She didn’t believe him, disregarded his instructions as… my legal guardian.” The last words left his throat on a wave of rising bile, avoiding Kolyat’s gaze, knowing he was probably staring at him in shock since he had helped him without urging.

_Don’t get any funny ideas. I still don’t like you._

           

“This is outrageous!” Amari raised her voice to the point of shrieking, once again making Feron cringe in disgust from the annoying sound. “He was interfering with medical precautions. He refused to let me do my job - he put my patient at risk.”

 

“Lisaiya, we have talked about this.” Dr. Bennet tried to interject, raising his hands to calm her, glancing at Kolyat carefully.

 

“Are you kidding me? Why are you acting as if I’m in the wrong Edward? This man assaulted me. He tried to prevent me from administering Takai’s medicine.” Amari raised her voice again, eyes glancing quickly between everyone.

 

“I gave you instructions to hold off on the medication until I viewed Feron’s medical charts and spoke to his doctor, you blatantly disregarded my wishes.” Kolyat crossed his arms over his chest, calmly interjecting the lovers quarrel that seemed to be happening between the lines. “You also threatened me, and you failed to comply to a police officer. Perhaps I should have you arrested, have you see how it feels when the tables turn.”

          

Amari blinked and stared at Kolyat in bewilderment. Smirking from her silence, Kolyat clicked his tongue, a wide grin spread across his lips before cruelty entered his features, something dark and carnal, his eyes brightening momentarily, halting Feron’s breath. _Shit, he has nice eyes._ Feron glanced at Amari with the best, go-fuck-yourself smile and purred in delight.

 

_Maybe this could have a perk or two after all…_

 

“I guess he told you,” Feron murmured at Amari, really hoping Kolyat went through on his threat.  

 

“Oh no Takai, you are going to keep getting the midazolam, there is no negotiation in that,” Dr. Bennet spoke firmly, narrowing his eyes at Feron, leaving no room for argument.   

 

“Why?” Kolyat asked, all of his attention turning on Bennet.

 

“Because, Mr. Takai has tried to commit suicide several times. He is a danger to himself, and I refuse to have him die on my watch.”

 

Feron licked his lips and took a deep breath chancing a glance at Kolyat who turned his eyes back on him. The aqua man’s features completely shutting down again while he stared at Feron head on, features stoic and empty. Feron knew the illusion of civility he might have had, would now be lost. Returning Kolyat’s stare with one of his own, Feron steadied his gaze and attempted to purr at him in mirth. “Would you believe me, if I said he was lying?”

 

Kolyat never answered him, nor did his dark expression change for the remainder of his visit.

 

           

           

 

        

 


	3. Chapter 3

"He's suicidal, Mr. Krios.” 

“You mentioned that already,” Kolyat replied, forcing himself to remain impartial to the information. His whole meeting with Feron still left him feeling off guard, with a hundred different questions circulating in his mind, he felt he should've been prepared for at the very beginning.

_ That is, if Father wasn’t so cryptic when he asked me for this liability. _

Did Father, or Shepard, know that Feron tried to kill himself, or better yet, still remain with the motivation to do so? If they knew, why would they give him custody over Feron? Didn’t they realize Kolyat wasn’t equipped to deal with that kind of responsibility? He really had no clue how he’d be able to help someone with that kind of mental health issue. Shit … he barely even knew what to do with himself half the time, just finally getting his own life together.

_ And now, I’m someone’s legal guardian…. _

_ Would it be better if he was a child? _

_ No … Goddess, no…. _

Kolyat sat back in his chair silently, crossing one leg over the other and made sure to keep the best stolid expression he could muster. Not that it mattered, Dr. Bennet and he were alone in the human’s office to discuss Feron’s medical history. Although there was something about the human doctor that just didn’t sit right with Kolyat, and he didn't want to give the man any leverage against the uncertainties he possessed over Feron.

“Yet, you still request for him to remain off the midazolam?” the human asked, almost critically, like he was accusing Kolyat of something.

Dr. Bennet made it sound as if he was signing Feron’s death warrant. In truth though, that could actually be the case. How many attempts did Feron already initiate? What was the provocation? What happened for him to feel as if Kalahira’s Shore was the only solution? Should he really be taking him off the anti-depressants? Maybe he could just keep Feron asleep until he figured out what to do with him.

_ Yeah, like that’s ethical... _

_ Fuck, I really need to see his medical charts. _

“Do you realize the dangers and consequences of that kind of decision?” Dr. Bennet stressed, probably getting impatient with Kolyat’s silence and lack of rise. “What if he tries again? What if the next time, he succeeds? Could you live with that guilt? Of failing someone you are trying to protect?"

Bile rose in Kolyat’s throat. Acid residue burned his tongue and ignited his lungs. The human knew nothing about failing to protect someone, helpless and afraid and forced to watch. Not like him.

Not many did.

“Trust me,” Kolyat finally spoke, “If Feron wanted to kill himself, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Bennet shook his head and sighed. “Mr. Krios. Have you ever been suicidal?”

_ Is he really asking me this? Who agrees to that? _

“Most individuals who are suicidal-” Bennet started. 

_ Ah, rhetorical. _

“-or have attempted suicide, remain suicidal or harbor their longing to die for extended periods between attempts. Sometimes months or even years. They are good at hiding their emotions.”

Kolyat snorted, “Feron doesn’t seem like he’s capable of hiding anything, if we’re being honest.”

Father did warn him about that after all.

“Yes, well … Mr. Takei is a very … vocal individual, but he also lies and tries to sweet talk his way into getting what he wants.”

Kolyat grinned without meaning to. Only a half hour with the man, and he could already tell Feron was a handful.

“How well do you know Mr. Takai? Enough to bet his life on it?”

Kolyat blinked stoically and remained quiet. He shouldn’t admit that he’d spent generally the same amount of time with the drell as he did with the human doctor, right? Maybe he should just keep Feron on the medication until he reviewed everything? 

Kolyat just didn't like the desolate look on the other drells face as the nurse came in. It was brief, barely noticeable, but it was there. The look in Feron’s eyes stirred something within Kolyat. Some kind of innate urge to protect the man from anything that would’ve made him unhappy.  His subtle smell, drowned out with antiseptics and medicine, tightened his chest with a defensive backlash when the woman showed a tendency to cause Feron harm.

The automatic response even confused Kolyat, but by the time he thought about his actions, it was too late to turn back.

Another sigh, another disapproving shake of Bennet’s head. “Mr. Krios-”

“His medical charts.” Kolyat interrupted, growing tired of hearing the man's endless questions and clear rejection. “Forward me all of his records. I want all of the psychological reports, too, and a list of every medication you pumped into him and why.”

“Mr. Krios, I think-”

“I heard enough of what you think.” Kolyat cut the doctor off again, growing impatient with Bennet’s tangent. “I will take into consideration everything you have told me, once I review all of his records, I - as his legal guardian- will make the decision on what I want done with him.”

Bennet frowned deeply, his pudgy cheeks flushed crimson. Adjusting his glasses on the bridge of his nose, the doctor turned towards his computer, fingers moving rapidly over the keys. Kolyat stared at him in perfect civility, even managing to force a smile, which probably didn’t come out as friendly as he planned, but it was all he was able to muster.

He didn’t like that Feron was on the midazolam. Didn’t the human doctor take into consideration that the drug had a side effect to make his symptoms of depression worse? If he really suffered from that? The drug also caused a problem with breathing, and the cold air in the hospital would not help Feron if he started developing Kepral’s as a result.

Kolyat’s omnitool beeped with an incoming message, and he looked down at the interface to see the flood of documents begin to fill his screen. Opening the first file, he glanced at the reports of an incident that happened when Feron first came to the hospital. Apparently - according to the document - he became hostile, injuring one of the nurses and cut himself with his fingernails. After he was restrained, Feron was given twilight and midazolam to keep him calm.

The next report was dated a week later. Another bought of hysterics when a physical therapist tried to help him from the bed. Feron had lashed out and fell to the floor, the doctor stated that he was trying to make a break for it and alerted security. Afterwards, he was restrained and wasn’t able to be subdued until given tranquilizers. A day later he spiked a fever and became very ill.

Kolyat took a deep breath to calm his racing heartbeat. There was a lot of information here, and he needed time to sort through all of it. Looking up at Dr. Bennet, Kolyat closed his onmitool and began to rise, the human doctor following his lead.

“Please see me when you are done reviewing all of the files. You will understand my concerns.”

Kolyat let his gaze drop in uncertainty. Even though he didn't want to, Kolyat knew he lacked any other choice, but to listen to Feron’s doctor. As far as he knew, the files were fact. Only two documents in, and he already saw why the staff treated the other drell the way they did.

Did Feron bring this on himself?

“Dr. Bennet,” Kolyat started, turning back to the man just as he made it to the doorway before leaving. “Perhaps it would be best, for now, to leave Feron on the medication, but I would prefer it, if his nurse is changed.”

Bennet smiled and nodded, motioning to shake Kolyat’s hand. “Of course, I wouldn't allow Lisaya anywhere near Mr. Takai now. I assure, you are making the right decision, Mr. Krios … Feron is a danger to himself. You want to keep him safe, as do I.”

“Thank you,” Kolyat said, with a numbness starting to envelope his lungs. Was he really making the right decision? He didn’t know what else to do.

Stepping into him, Dr. Bennet shook Kolyat’s hand and placed his palm on the drells shoulder. Glancing at the human’s hand, Kolyat narrowed his eyes, not appreciating being touched in such familiarity. Did he not know drells at all?

_ Touching…. _

Wait … were they touching him? Maybe he didn’t want to be touched? Most drells avoided contact, unless comfortable with the person.

“When you come back, I think we should also discuss the possibility of transferring Mr.Takai to a psychiatric ward.”

Kolyat stood frozen. His eyes snapped to Bennet’s, unable to process what the doctor was telling him. Surely Feron wasn’t that far gone, was he?  

“I …” Kolyat blinked several times as he tried to wrap his mind around the scenario. How the hell did he end up having to make these kinds of decisions? No … Feron didn’t need a psychiatric ward. He had lost himself for a moment, it was true, but it was nothing that couldn’t be avoided with the proper intervention. A distraction.

He said they didn’t even allow him a tv.

_ He’s bored…. _

“I need to think this over,” Kolyat shook his head. “but I need something done before I come back.”

“Of course, Mr. Krios.” Bennet smiled. One of those slow, over-confident, smiles. The ones where someone knows they have you right where they want you.

Kolyat knew he was a master of those smiles, because he was the one normally giving them. Licking his lips, Kolyat narrowed is gaze and turned, making sure Bennet’s hand was jerked from his shoulder. “I don’t want anyone touching Feron from now on. You can give him his medicine. You can take his blood, if you need it, but … do  _ not.  _ Touch him.”

Bennet stared at him for long time, his gaze turned stern and flashed with something Kolyat associated with defiance. “How do you expect-”

“Do you know drells are territorial?” Kolyat cut in. He would make sure the man knew exactly the possessiveness they were capable of.

What he was capable of.

“Territorial?” Bennet blinked, shaking his head in rejection.

“Feron belong’s to me now. If anyone touches him, I will know, and you will be the one held responsible for harassment on your patient. If he has another episode, before I get back, contact me. If not …” Kolyat squared his shoulders, curled his lip back, and flashed his teeth on instinct. A low hiss released from his throat in warning as he bent down to stare into the human’s eyes threateningly.

“I better not smell anyone else on what is  _ mine _ … do I make myself clear?”

 

* * *

 

Kolyat’s heart was racing a mile a minute, and his knees felt weak. Resting his hand on the metal paneling, he dipped into an empty corridor and caught himself as panic overwhelmed his senses. Resting his back against the wall, Kolyat bent over and placed his hands on his knees, taking in deep, steady, pulls of air, to calm the frantic pounding in his chest.

_ Why in Arashu’s name did I say that? Why … why did I say that? _

Rubbing a hand over the top of his head, Kolyat let his palm run over the ridges before letting it fall to his stiff neck. He forced himself to stand up, despite his muscles threatening to lock into place with the weight of his regret. Dr. Bennet probably thought he was an overbearing, jealous, lover now. What possessed him to lash out like that? Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut - nod and smile, like a normal person?

Kolyat groaned and pushed himself off the wall. Opening his omnitool, he checked the time and tried to decide whether he should see Feron before he left. If he even maintained the mental fortitude to do so.

The things that came out of his mouth - the unabashed teasing and sexual innuendos  … Feron was definitely worse than Shepard.

Sighing deeply, Kolyat shook his head in frustration. No … he needed to make sure the man was okay before he left. He owed Father and Shepard that much with what he promised.

Kolyat steeled his nerves and made sure to force one foot in front of the other, making  his way back towards Feron’s room, almost on autopilot. If their positions were reversed, Kolyat would’ve hoped someone would give him a chance, too, and not just throw away the key. Like they were trying to do to Feron.

Wait … was that why Shepard wanted him to help? Because Kolyat experienced this in his own way? It was a possibility.

The voices were unexpected when he arrived. Not taking into consideration that this was a hospital and Feron would’ve expected doctors to visit throughout the day. Feron’s voice flowed towards Kolyat, the smooth, lively, pitch, with a melodic ring, hard to ignore. Kolyat wasn’t pleased that he actually liked the sounds the other man created.

Approaching slowly, Kolyat hovered right outside the doorway, not wishing to disturb the conversation that unfurled within.

“Is there anything that can be done?” Feron asked quietly, his tone flat and empty.

“We will give you all of the possible treatments available,” the person answered.

A female. Maybe a doctor from what they were discussing? Kolyat peeked around the corner briefly to verify, seeing a human woman before he pulled back and pressed himself against the wall once more.

“For now, we need to take it slow, but you have to be aware of the possibility that the treatments might fail.”

“My, aren’t you optimistic,” Feron answered almost heartlessly.

“We will do everything for you, Mr. Takai. Just think of this as a stepping stone.”

“That I have to drag myself across,” his voice strained. Kolyat could hear the curtness of his subvocals.

“You need to stop fighting your physical therapy. You need it to get stronger. After a few months we will start with spinal injections but … You. Must. Do. Your physical therapy. If you ever want to walk again, you will take my advice.”

There was silence for a moment and Kolyat peeked back around the corner. Feron grinned wide and true, his eyes sparkling with something Kolyat couldn't decipher. Something just didn’t sit right in Kolyat’s stomach with his detached expression.

“Do you feel sorry for me?” Feron purred. His throat releasing a seductive trill. “Will you sit on my lap to console me? It might make me feel better.”

“Mr. Takai,” the doctor huffed, clearly not happy with Feron’s response. “I suggest you listen to my advice. We will not be able to begin treatments until you have completed the sessions with the Physical Therapist.”

“How about a kiss, then?”

“Do you take anything seriously, Mr. Takai?”

“Oh, I take kissing very seriously,” he purred again.

Kolyat frowned from Feron’s antics. Did the other man know how lucky he was that the staff wasn’t slamming him with sexual harassment charges?

The doctor shook her head and released a huff of annoyance before she turned towards the doorway. Pushing himself back against the wall, Kolyat watched the human leave and storm away in the opposite direction, too preoccupied in her annoyance to notice him.

Waiting several heartbeats, Kolyat pondered on Feron’s overly callous attitude. Maybe the doctors weren’t wrong? Maybe Feron was just too far gone to care about anything anymore? In his C-Sec training, Kolyat learned that individuals who showed no interest in their own well being, were more susceptible in taking their own life.

The warning signs for Feron were very real.

Waiting another moment, Kolyat peeked around the corner again, expecting Feron to be smiling, or most likely laughing about the doctors reaction. What he saw instead, stopped his heart mid-beat.

The colorful drell was staring at his lap, as if unseeing. His throat contracting while he fought to keep his vocals and trill silent. What got Kolyat though, was the anguish on Feron’s face. The utter despair as he grit his teeth, bottom lip quivering while tears filled his eyes. Feron’s chest heaved and he choked back a silent sob, covering his face with one of his hands, his shoulders shook rapidly as he began to cry. Clamping his mouth shut, Kolyat could tell Feron was doing everything to prevent himself from making a single sound. Even his subharmonics were completely cut off.

Kolyat pulled himself back, his gaze dropping to the ground, as his chest swelled with emotion and regret for the other man. His father’s words and Feron’s demeanor, making more sense now.

_ He hides his pain through jokes and false smiles, lies and ambiguity. He suffers much, Kolyat. He needs your help.’ _

Sighing deeply, Kolyat let out a long, steady, breath and leaned his head against the wall to stare up at the ceiling. What could he possibly do right now? Should he even be here? Why did his father think Feron and he were destined to meet? Kolyat just didn’t understand how he could go about helping the other man. What could he say? What could he do? What the hell did Shepard and his father hope for him to accomplish? 

“Fuck….” Kolyat mouthed silently and grimaced, before he turned and walked away.

 

* * *

 

“And then he just burst into song!" 

"Song?" Kolyat tilted his head in interest, listening to Shepard tell a story about the Normandy’s genius, yet eccentric, resident doctor.

“Song,” she deadpanned. “We were talking about the protheans and collectors, and then the subject veered towards arts and culture, and then he lets it slip, that he did some singing. So I backtrack and ask him about it. He nods, smiles, and then bursts into song … and I’m not talking about a little tidbit, I’m talking, a full-glory song, and chorus.”

Kolyat smiled widely as he listened to Shepard. He always enjoyed the wild stories she would tell him about their adventures, missions, or the colorful crew that lived on the Normandy. Shaking her head, Shepard lifted her water glass and rolled her eyes, letting her gaze fall back on Kolyat.

“I had no words, Kol. I stood there dumbfounded.”

Kolyat laughed into his fist to keep his voice low, noticing the human waiter who slipped himself silently beside him, handing out their menus. “What did he sing about?”

“He was in a musical - did some acting. He performed Gilbert and Sullivan”

“Seriously?”

Shepard grinned and reached her arm across the table mischievously. “I had Edi save the conversation and forward it to me.” Pressing a button on her omnitool, she let the short segment play grinning widely as Mordin's voice came over her replay.

“Holly,” Thane said, brushing his hand against Shepard’s elbow to gain back her attention.

Turning her gaze towards him, Thane tilted his chin up to bring her focus on the waiter who stood patiently next to them.

“Oh, sorry,” she grinned towards the tall human man, as she pulled her arm away from Kolyat.

“No need to apologize, Madame. I am here at your convenience tonight. Take your time and enjoy yourself.” The human man smiled back gently. Light brown eyes, soft and serene stared at her, before he nodded politely and placed the leather bound menu down in front of her, opening it to the front page. Readying the next one, he moved fluidly beside Thane and repeated his actions until making it to him.

Placing the last menu down in front of Kolyat, he felt the human’s eyes linger on him, before he drifted them back to his father. “My name is Adam, and I will be your personal server tonight. If you require anything, please do not hesitate to ask.”

“Personal server?” Kolyat quirked his eyeridge at Adam, who moved his gaze to focus solely on him. He figured the request to dress up was because they were going someplace expensive. He didn’t realize the extent Shepard extended herself for their outing tonight.

“I booked us a private gig kiddo. I thought it would be a nice change from the usual dine and dashes we normally do.” Shepard blinked rapidly and turned towards Adam. “Not that we’d run without paying or anything. I only did that in my college years, honest.”

“Holly,” Thane said sternly. “Perhaps we should leave those details out.”

Kolyat covered his mouth and turned his face, doing his best to keep his chuckling to a minimum. At first he wasn’t sure about Shepard - minus the fact that she punched him in the face the first time they met - the woman was someone Kolyat never would’ve imagined his father to fall in love with. To be honest, he wasn’t happy in the beginning. His father disappearing for all those years, only to resurface with this human woman in tow, wanting to reconcile.

Sometimes, he still wondered if the peace he found was forced or truly genuine.

“I understand Madame, playing adult is not always as exciting as we hoped it would be in our youth.” Adam licked his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth quirked stiffly as if he was trying to prevent himself from grinning.

Kolyat blinked up at Adam in surprise, the witty comment making Shepard snort and laugh in delight. The human man’s eyes flashed mischievously and he glanced at Kolyat catching his gaze longer than considered polite. Kolyat couldn’t help himself, and tilted his head to the side in interest. Narrowing his eyes in curiosity, he returned Adam’s smile with a slight one of his own.

“While you look over the menu, would like to order a bottle of wine for the table? We have an exquisite collection of,  _ vale’sht  _ and _ hiss’vass, _ or if that is not for your taste, we have an extensive collection of Thessian wines, and of course a thorough vintage selection from Earth. All can be found on the selection pad.” Adam reached towards his side and pulled a small datapad from his belt and placed it down beside Thane. “Take your time, I am here at your convenience.”

Adam bowed politely in the usual drell custom, and turned to leave. Kolyat kept his gaze on the tall human, his tight back muscles flexing -  just barely visible beneath the cut of his tuxedo - his movements graceful and fluid. He was impressed by Adam’s perfect pronunciation of the words he spoke in Rhaka, and Kolyat did his best to contain his surprise at the leather bound menu in front of him - also in his language.

“You want wine?” Shepard asked Kolyat, taking the datapad from Thane as he passed it to her. “What kind do you like?”

Kolyat glanced between them wondering if his father would drink, too. “What would you prefer?”

“I’ll drink anything.” Shepard grinned. “But Thane and I are in the mood for fish. So, let’s pretend we’re sophisticated and get a corresponding wine.”

“I don’t know what this pretending is, I am completely sophisticated.” Kolyat sighed dramatically and closed his eyes, turning his nose up at Shepard.

Her laugh was pure and joyful. The sweet melody her howl produced always made him have trouble stifling a grin from the sound. Kolyat opened his eyes and glanced at her, and then his father, the corner of Thane’s mouth quirked up in his own automatic response to Shepard’s cackling.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard pressed a few buttons on the datapad before she rested her elbows on the table and linked her fingers together. Placing her chin upon them, she flashed her teeth in mirth at Kolyat. “You think so? Your hot shit now that you finished Academy? Congratulations by the way.”

Kolyat purred and nodded. “Thank you. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve never been presented with an opportunity.”

Shepard let the smile fall but grinned at him coyly, her eyes darkening with something Kolyat couldn’t place. “You made that decision on your own, Kolyat. I just opened a door. You were the one who walked through and followed it’s path.”  

Thane brushed her arm in that moment and Shepard turned to stare at him, his hand reaching below the table which grabbed her attention. Mouthing something barely audible towards his father, Kolyat turned his head to give them privacy, catching Adam’s gaze as he came through the door and towards their private table.

Kolyat couldn't help but stare at the human as he approached, his tall lean frame, light tanned skin, dirty blond hair - slicked back, nice and neat, - perfect posture and slow sure stride’s.

_ Now that’s sophistication. _

A small black box slid across the table and caught Kolyat’s, eye and he turned towards Shepard just as her fingers fell from the rectangle package, housed within a gold ribbon, and motioned for him to take it.

“For me?” Kolyat asked in uncertainty, looking between his father and Shepard, losing focus off of Adam who started to set up small plates and an elaborate bread basket.

“A gift, Kolyat,” Thane spoke. “From the both of us.”

“Why? I mean …” Kolyat shook his head to clear his thoughts, picking up the package in trepidation. It wasn’t his name day, and even then, gifts were never usually given. “What is the reason?”

“Jesus Kolyat,” Shepard huffed. “It’s a graduation present. Stop staring like it’s going to bite you, and open the damn box.”

Blinking at the human woman, Kolyat snorted and stared at his father in disbelief who only shrugged at his future  _ hara’s  _ forceful way of speaking. Grinning, Kolyat slipped a finger below the fabric tie and proceeded to remove the covering. Once it was off, he lifted the lid and glanced inside, noticing a tiny data chip and a small card. Confused, he placed the box on the table and lifted the chip within. Pinching it between his thumb and forefinger, he picked up the card and flipped it over to see if there was writing on the other side.

“Holy shit,” Kolyat gaped, staring at the text in wide-eyed shock. 

“Uh, oh. I think I’m turning into a bad influence on him.” Shepard grinned wickedly, flashing her teeth at Thane, who grinned softly and met her eyes briefly before they both stared back at him.

Kolyat couldn’t find his voice, and he fell back against his chair while he read the card three times in a row, expecting the words to change. “This … this is a Zenovo ST9.”

“I sure hope so. I’d be pissed if the salesman mixed up the registration with something else.” Shepard shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I hope you like Cobalt Blue. If not, we could always get the color changed. Thane was going to get you black, but I think that was just him being boring.”

Kolyat’s jaw dropped and he looked between his father and future mother, shaking his head again.  _ This has to be a joke. There's no way….  _ “This is a X3M-” Kolyat held up the chip towards his father. “Zenovo ST9?”  

“Do you like it?” Thane asked.

_ A car … they bought me a car … but not just any car … a car worth over a million credits!  _ “I … holy shit….”

“Hm?” Shepard hummed, tilting her head to the side. “If you don’t stop cursing, Thane is going to get really pissed at me.

Kolyat jumped up from the table and in three strides was throwing his arms around his father who already moved from the table to swiftly accommodate him. “Thank you! Thank you!” He short of yelled in excitement, pulling away enough to see his father smiling widely, before he went around the chair and hugged Shepard as well. “This is crazy … why would you spend so much money?”

Pulling away, Kolyat righted himself and looked between them in disbelief. Shepard only shrugged and glanced at Adam who kept his gaze down and worked around them as if he was trying to be invisible, even though Kolyat was aware of every single movement he made. The man’s subtle masculine cologne hit his nostrils like temptation in the form of a soft slap to his senses. The human continued to work as he set up a metal stand with an ice bucket attachment.

“Don’t worry about the credits. I cashed it out as a work expense. I’m making that fucker really pay for my services.” Shepard huffed, and picked up her water glass, drinking deeply.

“Kolyat,” Thane called to him. “I am incredibly proud of you - of the man you’ve become - and I know the gift will not replace the time we lost … but I am hoping it’ll be a start. You deserve so much more than I can ever give you.”

Kolyat fell silent and stared at his father in surprise. He experienced so many years of anger and hatred, misinformation and lies. Dropping his gaze, Kolyat thought about his childhood and adolescence, of thinking he was never wanted, his failures and misperceptions. “Father …” he started. “I don’t want anything, but you.” Kolyat noticed the breath catch in Thane’s throat, his father's body completely still as Thane stared up at him without blinking. Smiling slowly, Kolyat suddenly felt as if he was a little boy again, clamoring for his father’s approval. “I don’t want a gift if it means you won't be there to share it with me.”

Thane swallowed thickly, his gaze dropping momentarily. Shepard remained silent and glanced at Thane, her hand reaching beneath the table, most likely to give him a touch of reassurance. “The future is uncertain, Kolyat, but I promise … I will be there every moment I am able.”

Kolyat released a trill for his father to hear -  reassurance and love. Lifting his head again, Thane looked at him, expression softened into emotion he didn’t see too often on the older man’s face. Returning the trill, Kolyat smiled and nodded in understanding.

“Don’t worry, Kolyat. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to get us back home.” Shepard reassured.

Kolyat nodded solemnly and took his seat again. “That’s all I can ask.”

For several moments they sat in silence while Kolyat inserted the chip into his omnitool and registered the car under his identification. A stupid grin on his face as he logged in all of the required information. When they finally looked over the menu  and finalized what they wanted to eat - their menus closed to signify their completion - Adam took a step forward as if on cue, and listened to their orders. Never once did he open his omnitool or write anything down, only nodded periodically and asked questions to make sure any changes to their meals were done to their liking and offered suggestions in response.

What really caught Kolyat’s attention about him though, was when he handed the menu to Adam, a slow heated smile curled over the human’s mouth as their eyes met again. Kolyat couldn’t help but glance away and grin, unsure if he was being friendly, or trying to hold his attention for some alternative motive.  

Was Adam trying to flirt with him?

Out of the corner of Kolyat’s eye he saw Shepard nudge Thane and wrinkle her nose playfully at his father, who glanced at her and returned Shepard's smile with a soft chuckle.

"I will be back momentarily with the wine." Adam bowed and excused himself.

Kolyat kept his head down, but lingered his gaze on the attractive, refined human, staring almost transfixed as his tall, thin, form, disappeared around the corner.

"So, what did you think of him?"

Kolyat lifted his head and snapped his attention towards Shepard, his frills heating with the guilt of possibly being caught checking out the human man. Did they notice?

"Who?" he asked as casually as possible, observing his father stare at him with a penetrating pull. Although his expression gave nothing away.

"You know who. Did Feron give you a hard time?" Shepard pressed, picking up her glass to sip at her water again.

Kolyat grimaced thinking back on the colorful drell and everything he experienced and witnessed in their short time together. “Feron … he’s .…”

"An experience?" Shepard finished.

"Yeah … “ Kolyat trailed off, unable to think of another phrase to sum up the man and his over the top attitude. “That’s a word for him. I … don’t know what to make of him. At least … not yet.”

"I imagine Feron was not happy to hear the news." Thane added, his gaze studying Kolyat carefully. 

"What did you expect?” Kolyat frowned. “No one told him he was registered as incapacitated and that someone was now his guardian. You have no idea what I walked into there. I should’ve been warned a little more about the situation.” Kolyat huffed in irritation, wondering why he was given such a task in the first place.

"Kolyat-" Thane started.

"I got it." Shepard cut in, her hand resting over Thane’s upon the surface of the perfectly-pressed, crimson tablecloth, urging him into silence. “Kol ... Feron was in no shape to listen to anything when we brought him there. He needed time to heal."

“I understand that, but what can I do for him?” Kolyat almost spat succumbing to frustration. “I accepted to help, but I still don’t understand why you asked it of me to begin with."

Adam came around the corner in that moment with a small tray, carrying two bottles of wine and three large goblets. He moved towards the table and placed the glasses down, dropping one of the bottles in the bucket and proceeded to uncork the other.

"Kol..." Shepard started again, letting Adam work, while her focus fell back on Kolyat. "You can blame me, if you want. Feron is my responsibility, but the Normandy is just not capable of supporting what he needs right now.”

Kolyat scoffed. So they did know about his condition. Did Feron try and off himself on the ship, and that’s why they brought him to Huerta? As soon as he got home tonight he would read the documents and get a good idea of what he was really dealing with moving forward.

“I wouldn’t have agreed with Thane’s suggestion, if I didn't think you could handle it … or if I didn't trust you.” Shepard added the last part softly, expression filled with deep emotion. “Thane and I truly feel that you can help.”

And there it was….

The faith and reliance that Kolyat wanted since his father and he started healing together - finding a relationship again. Thane’s trust in him, and now … his future mother’s, too.

Kolyat’s frills heated and he dropped his gaze bashfully, anger slipping away. “I appreciate your faith in me ... but I think your just trying to get on my good side because you’re about to be my mother." He looked up at her towards the end and grinned.

“Kolyat is more like you, than you might realize.” Shepard laughed and tapped Thane, leaving Kolyat to share the lopsided grin with his father.

Adam’s presence distracted him in that moment, and Kolyat was barely aware of Thane and Shepard share a gentle look, his father's palm turned up for the red headed woman to lace her fingers through his. The human man leaned closer than normal, wood and some kind of foreign spice hitting Kolyat’s nostrils as he watched Adam pour their wine.

When he finished with Kolyat’s glass, Adam grinned almost coyly and whispered, “enjoy” towards him.

"Thank you," Kolyat murmured, their eyes meeting again briefly, finalizing in his mind that the human man was indeed trying to flirt with him.

A polite smile and Adam pulled away fluidly, making the closeness seem natural and needed. Placing the bottle to join its counterpart in the bucket, he left once more. Kolyat turned his head as he left, unable to stop himself from watching the human walk away, that time not caring if anyone caught him staring.     

             

 

* * *

 

The rest of the meal went well, with Father and Shepard telling him of their explorations and experiences with their fellow crew mates. They spoke to him about the collectors, the protheans, and the reapers. Kolyat asked questions when he could, realizing in the end that they were close to their final course.  

Their suicide mission.

Conversation ended with something more pleasant, drifting away from Feron and probable doom, towards wedding plans - if they survived, or course. They wanted to do something simple and small, close friends and family beside them. Possibly on the Citadel. Earth, or a tiny resort planet nearby.

By the end of the dinner, Kolyat excused himself to use the restroom, not surprised when he emerged to see Adam waiting for him on the other side of the dark corridor. He didn’t need to look around to know that he was finally alone with the human man.

“So, your name is Kolyat?” Adam asked, his gentle smile inviting and almost playful.

Kolyat mirrored the look and took a step towards him, the man’s presence comforting and filled the air with a pleasant richness that made Kolyat’s hands itch with the desire to touch him. “So, is that going to be your pick up line?” 

Adam’s smile grew into a full blown grin, dimples appearing while his cheeks flushed pink. He pushed himself from the wall he leaned against, and glanced away as if he was being bashful. “I’m not good at witty one liners. I was trying not to make it too obvious before, but I wanted to make sure I got your attention. I know it was unprofessional … but I really wanted to see if I was reading you right.”

Kolyat hesitated in responding at first, touched by the sincerity in Adam’s voice. “I hope you don’t make a habit of it at work. Do you normally reserve your flirting for the bar’s instead?” Kolyat asked, hoping that Adam wasn’t into the party scene, or that he made a habit of the behavior at the job. Kolyat knew it was a direct question but games -when he was interested in someone, which was few and far between - was not his thing.

The look on Adam’s face fell, and he met Kolyat’s eyes with trepidation. “No … I don’t make a habit of it and I don’t really drink. Never got a feel for the stuff. It just leaves me groggy and disrupts my studies.”

“I don’t like to drink, either.” Kolyat licked his lips, his mouth felt parched and his breath grew heavy in his chest.

“Really?” Adam returned, eyebrow arched like he was challenging him.

Chuckling, Kolyat shook his head. “Tonight was a special occasion, but I rarely drink, too.”

“You're celebrating your graduation and your father’s coming marriage. Why shouldn’t you drink?”

“Yeah, well … my future mother enjoys it, she can be very persuasive to my father and I when she wants to be. What do you study?”

“Engineering.” Adam narrowed his gaze and tilted his head like he was thinking about something.

"You go to University or are you Alliance?"

Adam took another step closer and grinned again before saying, “you know, you're asking really direct questions. Shouldn’t that be saved for a first date? Your not a cop or anything, right?” He laughed.

Kolyat’s smile dropped along with his gaze, saddened by the human’s joke. Maybe he didn’t like cops? Maybe Kolyat’s profession would be a deterrent? “Actually … I am.”

The human stopped laughing and paused, his eyebrows rising while his jaw dropped slightly. “Really? That’s actually… pleasantly surprising.”

_ Pleasantly? _

Kolyat raised his gaze back to Adam’s, the human’s sly smile coming back as he inched a little closer and lowered his voice.

“Well, Kolyat … if you would allow me to, I would really love to take you out for lunch … or maybe tea? Get to know you a little more.”

Another step closer, another seductive smile from Adam, and Kolyat’s heartbeat sped up in excitement.

“I’ll even let you continue drilling me.” Adam smirked and then blinked as if catching himself. “Wait, that sounded a lot better in my head.” Shaking his head he sighed quietly. “That wasn't as suave as I thought it was going to be.”

Kolyat licked his lips and grinned, glancing around to make sure no one was listening before he leaned even closer to Adam. So far, really liking this human. “I would like that, and if it leads to an opportunity to drill you … than I’m up for it. And that probably didn’t come out as suave, either.”

Another smile and Adam’s dimples returned. “I didn’t think drells were anything but reserved.” Opening his omnitool he hit a button and tapped it against Kolyat’s, sending his contact information to the device. When he clicked on the link and accepted, Kolyat sent his information in exchange.

“Send me a message later. Let me know the next time you are free.” Kolyat purred his sentence in the end, earning him another appreciative look from the human.

Taking a step back, Adam nodded politely before bowing in the customary drell etiquette. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Kolyat. Enjoy the rest of your evening.” Turning, he left in the opposite direction of the exit, disappearing back into the restaurant.

Kolyat stared at Adam’s back as he left, excitement gripped his chest with the possibility of a date with the man. Opening his omnitool he glanced at the humans contact info and extranet address.

_ Adam Mason. _

Kolyat grinned widely and walked around the corner, smacking staright into something hard and unmoving. Startled, Kolyat jumped back and looked up. “Goddess.” He breathed heavily, surprised to see his father staring at him calmly.

Thane eyed him slowly, a slight smile curling the edges of his mouth, hands linked behind him, eyes flashing with some kind of hidden mischief before he asked, “Making friends?”

Kolyat’s voice died in his throat, frills blazing as he clicked his omnitool closed to hide Adam’s contact info, unsure how to respond.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

 

Three attempts on the ship.

One attempt at the hospital.

A batch of glass shards confiscated last week.

Kolyat sat in the darkness of his apartment, reading over the novel-like log of medical reports he received from Shepard and Dr. Bennet. He started with the condition Feron was found in. A full body diagnostic revealed an extensive history of injuries - tissue, bone, and muscle - healed and reinjured. Signs of burns, scales ripped off, bones broken with structural evidence of mending and rebreaks. There were even signs of sexual abuse, tissue torn and healed, along with traces of semen still on him when he was brought on the Normandy.  

“Goddess....” Kolyat breathed out in a hiss, his chest cavity feeling as if it wanted to collapse from the shock of what he was reading. Was the report for real? There was even evidence and traces of scar tissue left from the use of electroshock trauma, according to Mordin’s analysis.

_Feron didn’t just experience injuries … he was tortured._

Kolyat felt sick while he forced himself to continue reading about Feron’s day to day behavior. Staff found him face down in the shower in the midst of trying to undress, another, he fell from the bed and became violent when approached. He was quiet and withdrawn when the crew first found him, not speaking nor wanting to hold any conversation - telling everyone that came near to ‘fuck off’ - hissing and growling venomously.

The first attempt - when Feron tried to take his own life - happened as soon as he’d been brought onto the Normandy, he tried to use a scalpel. Traces of blood and scale were found the next day on the pillow and sheets. Mordin’s report mused about the reason for failure being the inability to maintain normal functions. Feron would end up with violent shaking from drug withdrawal and severe malnourishment.

_Traces of red sand were found in his blood._

_He was either an addict, or he was forced to take it._

The second attempt, Feron tried to break into a large stash of opioids. He was restrained immediately and kept in twilight. The third, he almost succeeded, using the IV needle to slash open his wrists and cause a bleed out. Feron’s heart stopped for forty-three seconds, close to the ‘no return’ zone, and luckily his father was on board at the time to donate blood after resuscitation.

Severe Depression and PTSD. Severe nerve damage caused radiating pain throughout his lumbar region and the nerves to his legs, making it almost impossible to support his body.

Despite that, he was also thirty pounds underweight.

Dr. Bennet’s notes were a lighter version of Mordin’s initial. Feron thwarted all physiatrists assigned to him, being unresponsive and hard to manage, unwilling to open up or speak about anything that pertained to his injuries. He refused physical therapy, he gave doctors a hard time, fought medications and harassed everyone that came near him … goddess, help me. He even tried to break off a piece of the bed, most likely to use as a self-infliction weapon.

A bundle of glass shards was discovered wedged between the monitors. How he got them, no one seemed to know, and they were only discovered when an orderly knocked over a glass of water and needed to move the machines to clean the spill.

He was kept mostly in a state of ‘twilight’. A term doctors used to describe the complacid effect of the drugs used to keep him docile and drowsy, making him sleep. The last line of Dr. Bennet’s analysis made Kolyat grit his teeth in anger.

_Pending confirmation of transfer to Huerta Asylum._

Kolyat tossed the datapad he was reading to the side and dropped his head back onto the couch. Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply and thought about the man he was now responsible for.

_They think he’s beyond saving. Broken…._

_Just like I was._

Kolyat stared at the ceiling and let all of his thoughts drown the world away, all of his insecurities, failures, fears and missed opportunities. Things he did and things he shouldn’t have done. Was this Arashu’s will for further redemption? Thinking back on Feron, Kolyat used his eidetic memory to recount his encounter with the colorful man, wondering if perhaps he missed something he didn’t notice before.

The subtle hint of his venom masked beneath alcohol swabs and antiseptic. The golden specks in his irises … despite his less-than-perfect attitude, Kolyat noticed that Feron was really striking to look at. He possessed those rare iridescent scales that melded flawlessly from one color to the next whenever he moved, and it kept you guessing at which color would appear next.

_Beautiful actually…._

Kolyat pulled himself from his memories and stared at the ceiling again, feeling tired and worn out. Between work, studies and training, his plate was already full. Now to add the complete care of another individual? Someone who’s seen the worst of life and lived to deal with the repercussions.

It was a lot to handle.

Kolyat’s omnitool signaled an incoming message, and he held his wrist up in the air without moving his head from the couch. When he saw Adam’s name flash across the screen, Kolyat smiled in eagerness and pushed himself upright, his stomach doing that flutter effect that had him quickly opening up the chat in excitement.

“I hope you don’t think I’m being pushy, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since we spoke.”

Kolyat grinned as he read the message several times, trying to decide on what he wanted to reveal in return. In truth, he was really into the human man but hadn’t gotten a chance to think about him since reading over Feron’s reports and going over his own work.

“I’m glad I made an impression on you. Did you find out when you are free?” Kolyat typed back, waiting a few moments to see if Adam would reply.

“Oh, you definitely made an impression. I’m really looking forward to seeing you again.”

Kolyat’s stomach did a somersault from Adam’s quick answer before replying, “When can I see you?”

After a slight pause, Kolyat’s omnitool vibrated with Adam’s message again. “The day after tomorrow. Let me take you out for breakfast if you’re available.”

Opening up his schedule, Kolyat saw that his shift didn’t start until the afternoon that day. His grin grew impossibly wider and he notified Adam that the time would work. After a few more exchanged sentences, Adam told him to meet at Sun Drop on the Presidium at 0900.

Closing his omnitool, Kolyat dropped his arm down again and let his head fall back on the couch. Feeling the heavy droop of his eyelids he sighed loudly and reached out for the datapad he threw to the side. Despite his happiness at the prospect of seeing Adam he just couldn’t get the other drell out of his head. A gnawing, nagging feeling, constantly urged him to keep the man on the forefront of his mind. Picking the pad back up, he opened the program to another one of Feron’s file’s and stared at his profile picture for a very long while. Kolyat wanted to make sure every detail of him was etched in his memories.

_What the hell am I going to do with you?_

 

* * *

 

“How did Feron end up on the Normandy?”

Shepard placed her coffee cup down as Kolyat asked his question, her gaze drifting towards Thane who sat beside them silently sipping his tea. She was quiet for a long while, staring at his father as if he was communicating with her telepathically.

_Good luck with that. I never know what he’s thinking._

She sighed and looked down at her coffee cup, her vibrant green eyes hardening before she simply answered, “We saved him.”

Kolyat waited for several heartbeats for her to elaborate. When he realized she had no intention of continuing her vague response, Kolyat shook his head in annoyance and growled in frustration. Couldn’t they even fathom that he was losing sleep over this shit? “Don’t bullshit me, Holly. I’ve read every single one of his files. It’s a little bit more than ‘we saved him’. I know every detail about the injuries he sustained and everything that occurred on your ship. I also read everything from Huerta Memorial. I deserve to know the whole story. I deserve to know the truth.”

Kolyat did his best not to raise his voice, but sometimes he knew his passion got the best of him. Unable to keep the fervor from his trill, he took a deep breath to force himself into calmness. Shifting in his seat he sighed and dropped his head and purred in apology, taking a moment to catch his bearings before rising it back up. The last thing he wanted to do was cause any kind of wedge in the stable relationship he finally established with Shepard and his father.

She stared at him blankly, her impassive expression turned his stomach and threatened to force a rise out of him. Already he could feel the churning in his gut, hating how in the dark he felt with the lack of knowledge about Feron. Something about the questions Kolyat asked made him feel as if whatever information she’d be willing to share, could be the missing link to make him feel more connected to the beautiful, despair filled man, he was forced to be responsible for.

_Give me something. Anything at all to make me give a shit and not lock him away so he doesn’t become my problem._

Eventually, Shepard spoke, her voice turning gentle but filled with warning. “Are you sure? You’re C-Sec now, his past will be considered a conflict of interest.”

_Conflict of interest? What the hell is she…_

“Holly … please.” He breathed out through clenched teeth, his palms pressed flat on the table, a tremor of frustration boding right at the edge of his muscles. “His medical charts were too extensive to indicate an injury from a mission … and his mental state … where did you save him from? He was … tortured. What happened to him? I need to know.”

“Feron won’t want your pity. That won’t help him,” Holly stated, picking up her coffee cup to take a sip, forcing them into silence until she put her cup back down. “Why should it matter where he came from? He’s here now, alive, and in need of your help.”

“What help can I possibly give, if I don’t understand what he’s been through?”

“Siha,” Thane spoke up, his gaze focused on Shepard, a frown etched on his lips. His expression was intense but filled with question. Maybe he was trying to figure out what she was thinking, too? By the use of the intimate name he called her, Thane was most likely trying to soften her up.

Shepard looked at Thane and sighed, waiting patiently for him to speak again. Moment’s like the one happening between them always showed Kolyat the intensity of their attachment to one another. The love that they shared. Her exhibition of emotion in the depths of her eyes eased as she met Thane’s gaze.

Thane’s expression softened, his lips forming into a sad smile. “He needs to know. For too long I’ve kept him apart from my life. That needs to change. I trust him, Holly. Just as you put your trust in me. I will no longer hide from, Kolyat.”

Kolyat leaned back in his chair with hesitation, staring at his father in disbelief. Was his father finally saying that he would completely open up to him now? Turning his eyes back on Shepard, Kolyat licked his suddenly dry lips and forced himself to stay on track. “The main doctor wants me to put him in Huerta Asylum.”

“What?” Shepard hissed, her eyes narrowing in slow ignited anger, but falling silent as if she was waiting for him to elaborate.

Kolyat knew that was his opening, a way to show them that this wasn’t just about curiosity on his part, but a reason to try and understand how Feron ended up the way he did. Violent and detached, uncaring and filled with doubt. Maybe the information would help him in finding an approach when he saw Feron later that day. “The doctor thinks he’s a danger not only to himself but everyone around him. I want to prevent that, but I need to make the right decision if this is true.”

“What do you think, Kolyat?” Thane asked, his weighted stare penetrating Kolyat right to his soul. “Without the answers, you seek - without the doctors … suggestion. What is your honest opinion?”

Kolyat grew silent, his thoughts drifting to his only encounter with the man so far, the medical notes and what he observed when Feron was speaking with the doctor about his physical therapy and hopes of walking again. Feron was in anguish, and he was forcing himself not to appear as if he was. That alone showed Kolyat just how incredibly strong and brave he perceived the man to be. If Feron could just find some hope … if Kolyat could just give him something to prove his life was still worth living than maybe … “I don’t want to do that … but I am still worried Feron might hurt himself. I am taking his guardianship seriously, and I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’t at least consider placing him in Huerta Asylum.”

“Feron’s not crazy … he’s just lost himself in the moment.” Shepard said before taking a deep breath as if she finally decided on something. “I died, Kolyat.”

“What?” Kolyat blinked, almost doing a double take as he brought his full attention to Shepard. “I don’t understand.”

“Those two years that I was reported MIA, I was actually dead. I didn’t survive the crash of the original Normandy. I was sucked into space while saving my crew members and I suffocated to death.”

Kolyat shifted in his chair in disbelief, his mouth dropping slightly while he glanced at his father to see if this was some sort of test. Was she being serious? Thane’s face held no deceit or refusal of Shepard’s words. He simply nodded and waited for her to continue.

“Feron and my friend Liara were the ones who saved me. Originally, my body was found by the Shadow Broker, who was going to sell my remains to the Collectors.”

“Why?” Kolyat choked out, bile rising in his throat at the thought of someone defiling her body after she went to the sea. “What did the Collectors want with your … body?”

“Fuck if I know.” Shepard shook her head, sucking her teeth in clear disgust. “I don’t even want to think about it, but Feron is the real reason I’m not rebuilt as some monster or sitting in a test tube somewhere.”

Kolyat remained silent, almost mystified by what she started to reveal to him. Thane and Holly spoke to him several times about the Collectors and Protheans - even the Reapers - but never anything close to what she was admitting.

“Feron was the ticket in. He worked for the Shadow Broker - was actually one of the top agents for information trading. When he found out his employer started working with the Collector’s, he betrayed the Shadow Broker. Unfortunately, Feron and Liara were under attack when they tried to escape, and Feron sacrificed himself - stayed behind to provide a distraction so Liara could make it out with my remains. She delivered my body to Cerberus. They were the ones who rebuilt me and brought me back to life and Feron … Feron was captured.”

Shepard dropped her gaze to her coffee, her thumb rubbing back and forth over the rim of the cup. “Instead of killing Feron, the Shadow Broker turned him into an example of what would happen if anyone else betrayed him. He was held prisoner … and tortured … for two years. Eventually, Liara was able to locate him and came to me for help. Thane was with me when we found him. Feron was … he was in bad shape when we brought him onboard.”

Kolyat had no voice. The information felt overwhelming. Shepard was alive because of Feron. Feron tried to give his life, so she could live again. From their first meeting, Feron didn’t seem like the type to believe in anything to the point of self-sacrifice. He seemed so lost, so fragile, so … broken.

_No … not broken. He let himself believe his life is no longer needed._

_Beautiful and strong._

_At least that’s how I’m starting to see him._

He was tortured for two years straight and survived. Feron wanted to live, he just needed a reason to hold on. Kolyat was starting to think that maybe they were meant to meet after all. Shepard saved his father - Shepard saved Kolyat. In return … Kolyat would try to save the one who saved her.

“Please,” Shepard continued, pulling him from his thoughts, her eyes darkened with the intensity of whatever thoughts still haunted her. “Help him, Kolyat … I can’t help but feel responsible for what happened to him.”

“Holly,” Kolyat tried to start, his throat feeling dry and his voice weaker than he meant it to be. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do everything that I can for him.”

She stared at him for a long moment, her deep stare penetrating him down to his soul as if she was weighing the sincerity or truth of his words. He meant it. He didn’t know how, but he would do what he could. Finally, when Kolyat guessed she found what she was looking for, Shepard nodded several times in succession before her gaze dropped to dark liquid in her cup. “That’s all I can ask for.”

 

* * *

 

Feron stared at the ceiling, the remnants of dreamless sleep made him feel groggy and left his body with the weight of concrete. He shook his head and tried to concentrate, forcing himself to be cognizant of himself. The shadow of non-being slipped into the gray world of his reality as he felt the drugs diminish in his system.

_How long did they put me out this time?_

Feron glanced around at the monitors and tried to locate the time, the indicators missing from the corners of the screens. _Fuckers really want to keep me in the dark._ Snorting in distaste, he twisted and got ready to pull himself up, only to get thwarted the moment he tried. Sucking in a sharp pant, Feron felt the pressure on his wrists and the restraints tied to the bed. He felt his hands pinned to his sides, and immediately the phantom pressure pushed against his chest as dread filled his lungs from being held down. Panic rose in his throat and blinded his thoughts as his breaths started to come out fast and shallow.  

_Hospital - I’m in the hospital. Not a cell. The brokers dead. I’m in a hospital. Hospital. Hospital. The brokers dead-_

Feron chanted over and over, but he lost it while the restraints tightened further around his wrists the more he tried to writhe his hands free. A memory tumbling from his lips…

_“Again.”_

_Eyes clamped shut, the detached voice echoes in the darkness. Chest on fire, the acrid smell of burning flesh fills my nostrils. My stomach rolls with nausea, pain, and sickness forces me to gag. The knowledge of the burning flesh being my own, the contents of my stomach spill. I spit and choke, rolling my head back to catch my breath, my raw and bloody scales straining against the metal bands on my wrists._

_Fire touches my chest again and I scream in agony. Fresh burning skin wafting in the smoke coming from my body. Blisters and boils bubbling on my side. I can’t get away, I can’t move. ‘Kill me. Just kill me. Please, stop.’_

_The metal rod is pulled away and I am left crying, my body hanging limply from the metal restraints, arms stretched painfully above me. Feet barely touching the floor. The torment is unbearable. I try to force my swollen eyes open. ‘Just kill me, already.”_

_“He doesn’t want you to die, Feron. He wants you to suffer. You will feel every second of your betrayal.”_

_A pause before the voice says, “Again.”_

_The metal rod hits my skin once more. I scream in anguish, my throat raw, the taste of metal coating my -_

“Feron?” A voice called from the present.

Feron gasped and pulled himself from the memory, his mind still feeling muddled as he glanced around, trying to place himself and the sound he heard.

_It’s not real. It’s not…._

_Hospital. I’m in the Hospital. The brokers dead. It’s not real…_.

His vision was blurry, unable to see past the phantoms that haunted him. Feron grit his teeth and closed his eyes, a frustrated grunt left his throat when he tried to move his hands again. Moisture falling from his eyes in exasperation. Panic rising once more.

_He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s-_

“Feron,” the voice called again, this time stern and commanding.

Feron’s eyes snapped open, a loud gasp escaping his throat when he sensed the presence in the doorway of his room. He blinked both sets of eyelids in rapid succession, desperate to gain some clarity and place himself. The shimmer of teal and blue helped him stabilize and pulled him from the bowels of the ghosts that ripped at his mind.

_Focus on the color. He’s dead. Hospital. Turquoise…._

“Kolyat,” Feron stated, his mind finally grabbing roots at the moment, clawing their way from the muck of his subconscious. His shallow breath’s stabilized, the quick rise and fall of his chest evening out while the terror started to subside.

Kolyat took a step forward into his room and out of the threshold of the doorway, his dark gaze fathomless, but surprisingly free of any judgment. Not that Feron cared anyway, despite the fact that he was grateful for the focal point Kolyat’s scales provided, keeping him momentarily grounded and rooted in the present.

_Beautiful actually…._

“So,” Feron began, licking his dry, cracked lips, coughing to clear his parched throat. Lifting his head from the pillow, he stared at Kolyat and forced a lascivious grin to his lips, doing his best to hide the terror from moment’s prior. “You changed your mind? Are you going to strip for me after all? I don’t have any music, you’ll have to improvise.”  

Feron let his head drop back to the pillow but tilted his head so he could keep eye contact with Kolyat, ignoring the fact that Feron knew Kolyat would pick up on the panicked expression still on his face. Feron tried to move his hands again and his chest rose in rapid sequence when a tremor brushed against his nerves.

_Focus … turquoise … hospital…._

Kolyat grabbed the chair by the door with one hand and lifted the furniture to bring it closer to him. Once he right at Feron’s bedside he dropped the chair and moved to remove his jacket from his shoulders.

“Go slow,” Feron smiled, noticing Kolyat hesitate and eye him carefully. “I like a good tease.”

Frowning, Kolyat ran his eyes over Feron, his gaze lingering on his hands before they drifted up to his face. Clear disapproval etched upon his features. Feron felt a brush of amusement caress his insides, a snicker about to be released until Kolyat unexpectedly asked, “What did they give you this time?”

Feron faltered, a spark of surprise rendering him momentarily speechless. Kolyat wasn’t upset by his comment? Surely he didn’t actually give a shit about the state he was in, did he?

_I won’t let you fool me. You’re a prisoner of the circumstance … just like me._

Forcing the lecherous grin back to his lips, Feron purred in an attempt to beguile the other man. “A date rape drug. I think the new nurse has a crush on me.”

Kolyat blatantly ignored him and dropped his jacket on the arm of the chair before moving across Feron’s vision towards the furthest monitor. Pressing the indicators he scrolled through several screens before his signature frown - at least that’s what Feron was starting to think he was only capable of - appeared back on his full pouty lips.

“Haloperidol,” Kolyat mumbled, barely audible. Lifting his hand Kolyat opened his omnitool, most likely looking up whatever the drug was.

All Feron knew was that it knocked him the-fuck-out, fast. “I don’t know what that is,” he answered, although he knew Kolyat wasn’t actually looking for an answer from him.

Closing his omnitool, Kolyat looked up at him and then went back to the chair before he turned to him and crossed his arms over his chest. He didn’t say anything at first, only glared with penetrating force. The sweep of Kolyat eyes over his body caused heat to rise up to Feron’s frills, but he couldn’t pinpoint whatever emotion Kolyat was making him feel in the moment.

“They give it to people who experience psychosis,” Kolyat said. He closed his mouth and frowned again, taking a deep breath. “Did something happen last night?”

Feron could feel all the emotion leave him with Kolyat’s question. Cold emptiness filled his lungs back up as the drugs left his system in close entirety. He turned his face away and remained silent, unwilling to share how out of control things became the evening before. The night nurse, trying to be courteous to his struggle in sitting up, had placed her hands on Feron’s shoulder and wrist, and with her touch, the phantom lashes made him lose himself in terror. Nightmares, memories, and reality, ended up crashing together, forcing his mind to perceive the nurse as an active threat. He tried everything in his power to get away from her, and in the end, he thought he might’ve shoved her accidentally. He remembered tumbling out of bed though, and orderlies coming in to hold him down, which made things escalate until someone jabbed a needle into his neck.

Darkness swallowed him a second later.

“Feron, you can talk to me. I want to help you. I want-”

“Shhhh.” Feron interrupted Kolyat, tilting his head and slipped his eyes closed as if he was hearing something. “Do you hear that?”

Kolyat fell quiet and looked around. He dropped his head and froze as if he was concentrating on finding the source of the sound that Feron claimed to hear. After a few moments of silence, Kolyat looked up and purred at Feron in question, obviously not hearing anything.

But that was the point.

Grinning maliciously, Feron opened his eyes and narrowed his gaze at Kolyat, returning his purr with an edge of rudeness. “Always better when a Krios just shuts the fuck up, don’t you think?” Feron had to force the laugh out of his throat when rage entered Kolyat’s features, his nostrils flared and his frills slightly swelled.

_I don’t want your help. Take the hint._

Another moment and Kolyat unexpectedly grinned, his eyes lighting up with amusement while he shook his head slowly in denial. Leaning back in his chair, Kolyat huffed and glanced away, and much to Feron’s surprise, stayed silent for several long minutes. Kolyat’s smile slowly disappeared, his gaze growing distant and filled with thoughts Feron hated himself for wanting to know.

Was he pushing enough button’s for Kolyat to take the hint and just leave him the fuck alone?”

Dropping his head back onto his pillow, Feron stared at the ceiling for a long while. Kolyat didn’t leave nor did he make any other sound. Just sat next to him just like Thane would sometimes do. An unwelcome presence.

_Fucking Krios’. Doesn’t Kolyat have a woman to occupy his time or something?_

“Do you want to sit up?” Kolyat finally spoke, his voice gentle and filled with warmth.

Turning his head, Feron stared at Kolyat for several heartbeats, trying to read the man who was now more of a mystery than before. Any normal person would’ve already kicked Feron to the curb. Stormed out and cursed back at him. Everyone at the hospital paid him no mind anymore, and just brushed him aside as a lost cause. There was no way Kolyat was any different than the rest. Feron spent almost his whole life seeing the worst of people, the greed, the cruelty … the betrayals. Kolyat was here by force. It was just a matter of time before his true colors were shown, too.

“I thought you were going to stay quiet? You’re interrupting me from planning my run away. Or have you come here to break me out - oh great powerful legal guardian?”

“Hard to run when they have you in restraints.” Kolyat quipped without missing a beat.

Feron growled in anger, but the mention of the bands brought him crashing right back down to the awareness of the tightened pressure on his wrists. Balling his hands into fists Feron tried to pull - as inconspicuous as possible - at the cuffs around himself. He felt his throat tightened again, and Feron forced a deep pull of air into his lungs to try and starve off the dread that sat on his chest like a sinking boulder upon him.

Movement from Kolyat caught his attention, and his gaze stayed fixated on the turquoise scaled man. Something dark passed over Kolyat’s features, something Feron had trouble deciphering as Kolyat pushed himself to the edge of his seat and slowly reached out towards him. Feron sucked in a sharp breath as he watched Kolyat’s hands approach, instinct kicking in automatically which made Feron pull away and grunt in distress when he was pinned in place by the restraints.

_Don’t touch me. Don’t. Don’t do it. Don’t…._

“Please,” Feron whimpered on the verge of a beg. His teeth grinding together as his body trembled in fear of Kolyat’s touch. It was too much. Between last night and now. Feron’s mind was exhausted. Couldn’t Kolyat see how tired he was? “Please….”

Kolyat froze in mid-motion, his hands held palm up for Feron to see. A soothing purr before he whispered, “Easy.” Just loud enough to be heard within Feron’s budding terror that deafened his mind. “I know you have no reason to, but trust me, Feron. Watch my hands. Just keep breathing. I’ll go slow”

Feron’s breaths picked up speed, but he swallowed thickly and took deep pulls as he watched Kolyat’s hands inch forward like the poisoned fangs of a demon. Eventually, one hand reached the remote, just out of reach of Feron’s fingertips that controlled the motion of the bed. Kolyat pushed the control so Feron could grasp it just before Kolyat’s fingers brushed over the restraints. Feron hissed on instinct, another tremor wracked his body, causing pain to flair over his spine and force him to groan in pain.

“Listen to my voice, Feron. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m not going to touch you. Trust me. Just breathe for me.”

Kolyat’s voice was calm and quiet, and he purred again in a soothing manner trying to coax him into tranquility. Every muscle was tense, every nerve ending aware of Kolyat’s movements. Feron didn’t want to, hated himself even worse for how weak he was, but he begged Kolyat again, tears welling his eyes when he tried to pull free once more and failed.

“Breathe, Feron. Breathe. In and out. Take deep breaths. I’m not going to touch you,” Kolyat insisted again. “I promise.”

Feron tried to do as he was told, sucking in large amounts of air and expelled them slowly. He did everything in his power to slow his frantic heartbeat, to push down the anxiety that wanted to drown him. He kept his gaze on Kolyat’s fingers as they brushed over the restraint again. His long, slender digits, slipped beneath the lip of the strap and languidly pushed it through the loop, just enough for the buckle to give and slip off Feron’s wrist. Kolyat quickly pulled his hands back and held them palm up for him to see. Kolyat purred again soothingly and sat back in his chair, his eyes fixated on Feron’s free, exposed wrist, and the scars that wrapped around the entirety of it.

When the blue male moved away and the band released from one of Feron’s hands, the relief that hit him was enough to choke Feron to the point of tears. With one of his hands free, Feron immediately reached for the other strap and removed the restraint from his scales, a sound of alleviation escaping from deep within his throat.  

Feron yanked his arms to his stomach, his hands twisting to allow his fingers to rub at the scars on both of his wrists held against his body. Panic slowly subsided, and he stared at Kolyat in surprise, who turned his head and gaze away, as if to give him privacy.

Kolyat was silent again for a long while and Feron studied the turquoise man in confusion. There was no way the doctors wouldn’t have told Kolyat about everything that transpired in the hospital. If Kolyat was smart, he would've asked for Feron’s medical charts and history. He was a cop after all, didn’t they have an innate ability to ask questions and become overly annoying? Why would he take the restraints off?

_You’re trying to trick me. You’re trying to-_

“You don’t like to be touched, do you?” Kolyat asked, his gaze falling back to Feron languidly as he pushed the rise button on his controller, pushing the back of the bed up to a sitting position. “Is that what happened last night? Did someone accidentally touch you and it sent you into a panic? Did you lose yourself in a memory like …” Kolyat shook his head and huffed in clear annoyance. “I told them not to touch you.”

_Don’t you dare fucking pretend you give a shit about me._

Feron felt himself start to lose it, his body shaking on the verge of rage. How dare Kolyat come back like he suddenly wanted to be friends. He didn’t want his help … his pity….Gritting his teeth, Feron growled low and feral. “Leave … I want you to leave.”

He saw the confusion enter Kolyat’s features because of his demand. Narrowing his eyes, Kolyat shook his head vehemently. “I can’t … I won’t,” he answered in uncompromising sternness. “My father thinks-”

“I don’t give a shit what your father thinks.” Feron interrupted him, hissing with defiance. “Thane needs to mind his own fucking business and shove his face between Shepard’s legs or something. I don’t want to hear anything he has to say. Or you.”

Kolyat closed his mouth, a painful expression taking the place of the determination he projected a moment prior. Feron growled in anger, waiting for Kolyat to finally get up and leave him be.

“How could you say that?” Kolyat finally rose his eyes to meet Feron’s after another round of silence between them. Feron growled again to reply, but Kolyat’s raised voice forced him into muteness, surprising him with the passion that Kolyat projected as he continued to speak. “After everything you did for her? All that you endured? What about everything she did to save you? Are you trying to tell me it means nothing to you? The sacrifices experienced on both sides!”

“I never asked to be saved!” Feron yelled back. “She was supposed to get away and I was supposed to die! She should’ve just gave up on me. I was supposed to die … I thought he would just kill me … I thought …” The tears welled in his eyes and Feron couldn’t hold back the despair from flowing over the edges. Balling his hands into fists he turned his palms over and covered his eyes with his closed hands, his cries unable to be contained, the floodgates breaking open.

_I shouldn’t even be alive. This pain is too much. I’m not right anymore. I’ll never be right. I just want the pain to stop. Just please, make it stop._

Kalahira, goddess of inscrutable depths-”

He heard his name being called several times through the thick fog around his mind, a kind purr of soothing intention peeking through the dark clouds. Wearily he lifted his head, blue turquoise so close, he thought he would be able to taste the oceans of Kahje. Kolyat moved closer, right at the edge of Feron’s bed, but kept enough distance to show he wouldn’t touch him. Feron felt tired and so ashamed of losing himself like he did - of acting out the way he did. It was the first time since being free, that someone finally raised their voice back at him. The first time someone tried to get him to see something other than pity, dismissal and bother, hushed voices and sympathetic looks.

_I’ll never feel whole again. I just want it to end._

“Feron ... I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been through, of what you might be feeling or going through in your mind … but I….” Kolyat purred remorsefully and looked down, his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasping together as he rested his forehead on his knuckles for a moment before raising his gaze to look at Feron once more. “I know what it feels like when you think the world is about to swallow you whole, and everything around you feels like a dream that only creates shadows and gray. You feel like a bother, and you think you would only be better off dead, too.”

Kolyat sighed and glanced away, and Feron remained quiet staring at the stranger before him. The man responsible for his life. Thane’s son … and he listened. Feron couldn’t speak because he felt so exhausted, but curiosity seeped through his inner obscurity, and for brief flicker, he felt something other than despondency.

He felt like maybe…

“What’s going on here?” A voice pulled both of their attentions towards the doorway. Dr. Bennet stood in the threshold with all his red-faced, pudgy glory.

Feron frowned and looked away, unable to pull his resolve in enough to deal with the unwanted visitor. The judgment was clear in the human’s eyes. His gaze narrowing and moving rapidly between Kolyat and himself, Feron’s free wrists and the monitors showing Feron’s elevated heart rate and stress levels.

“You took his restraints off?” Dr. Bennet accused. “Did you listen to anything I explained yesterday? Mr. Takai is a threat to himself and-”

“Your staff is a threat to him.” Kolyat cut the doctor off rising from his chair. Bennet puffed his cheeks and glanced at Feron again as Kolyat turned and made his way towards the human man.

Feron was silent as he watched them with a sense of detached numbness. Leaning back against his pillows, he turned his head and stared at the wall, not caring about anything anyone decided to do to him. He heard Kolyat whisper to the doctor, sensed them leave the room and go into the hall, and for a long time he was left alone with his thoughts.

Closing his eyes, Feron fought against the memories from resurfacing, from slipping back into the day he decided to sacrifice himself on a split second decision of madness, allowing Liara a chance to escape. Faintly he could recall the taste of blood on his lips, Tazzik’s hands around his throat, the struggle for his gun.

_‘After everything you did for her.’_

He had turned his world upside down for a woman he never met, just for the possibility of her saving the galaxy.

_When did I become such a dreamer?_

“Feron….”He heard Kolyat call his name.

Turning his head just a fraction, Feron glanced at Kolyat, his gaze slipping behind him to see the human doctor standing close behind. Dr. Bennet reached into his pocket and took out a small tube and bottle, a syringe housed within the clear package.

_I guess it’s time to go back to sleep._

“Dr. Bennet thinks I caused you too much stress, especially after your … mistreatment last night.” Kolyat turned to glance back at Bennet who frowned and refused to meet Kolyat’s eyes. “He wants to give you more haloperidol, but I don’t-”

“Just let them do it.” Feron cut him off without care, his voice low and empty of fight, but Kolyat fell silent regardless. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t have to take it. I can tell them not to give it to you.”

Feron blinked up at the other man, the emotion in his voice hard to miss. Feron felt like crying again. He didn’t want anyone to show him any kind of warmth, any kind of friendship or care. He wanted to be forgotten. Didn’t anyone understand it hurt too much to feel? “Just leave me. I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep now.”

Kolyat hesitated and took a step towards him and Feron felt anger start to well up within his chest. What the hell was with this guy? Feron growled in warning and Kolyat froze, a deep breath releasing before his gaze drifted away. “Ok. Fine. If that’s what you want.”

“So you’re going to finally leave?” Feron asked, Bennet using that moment to move around Kolyat and head to his IV line. He wondered how long the doctor would wait before he put the restraints back in place. If he was smart, he would do it after he was put to sleep.

“You want me to stay?” Kolyat rose an eyeridge in interest.

“You really are a pervert if you do. First, you think I’m a child. Now you want to watch me sleep. What else gets you off?”

Kolyat snorted and sucked his teeth, their eyes meeting, and this time, neither looked away. Kolyat smiled faintly, a slight quirk of his full pouty lips that unexpectedly made Feron’s heart miss a beat. His eyes lit up briefly, a blue shimmer just caught beneath his black ocular scales. “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

Feron frowned at the tightness in his chest, not liking whatever the fuck emotion this man was making him feel. “Fuck off,” he answered, already feeling the pull of sleep on his body from the drug.

The last thing he saw was Kolyat’s smile grow wider and the hint of color take over as dreams surrounded him in forced slumber.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

“I was wondering when you would show.” 

Kolyat blinked in uncertainty and hesitated at the threshold of Feron’s room. Glancing in warily, he looked at the colorful man laid out on the bed in the middle of the room. His gaze zeroed in on Feron’s wrists - which remained restraint free - and then to the drells multi-hued face. A peaceful, tired look, staring back at him.

“I’m bored. Play a game with me.” Feron smiled.

Kolyat stepped in slowly. The pleasant, soft purr of urging - not to mention the serene smile on Feron’s face - made Kolyat more suspicious and cautious than ever before. Kolyat reached for the chair near the entryway and brought it over to Feron’s bedside, before shifting out of his C-Sec jacket. “What kind of game do you have in mind?”

_ 'How fast can you strip? How long can you shut the fuck up for?’ Wait for it. _

“ _ Ba’ket _ . Do you have any cards on you?”

Kolyat narrowed his eyes in confusion as he threw his jacket over the arm of the chair and took a seat, not expecting anything less than a snide remark. He ran his eyes over Feron with scrutiny. His playful, kind expression, something Kolyat never witnessed before.  

It made his stomach hurt and his ass itch.

“You play  _ ba’ket _ ?” Kolyat asked in peaked curiosity. His whole body felt on guard just waiting for Feron to change his attitude and verbally attack him.

“I used to make a lot of enemies as a kid. No one wanted to play me after I kept stealing their money.” Feron tilted his head up and closed his eyes, leaning his head against his pillow.

Kolyat snickered and grinned. “Yeah, that sounds about right for you.”  

“What about human poker?” Feron asked. “Do you know how to play that?”

“Poker? No.” Relaxing in his chair, Kolyat could practically feel his muscles easing under the dissipating tension. Maybe today was a good day with the other man?

Feron hummed and smiled before opening his eyes and turned to stare at Kolyat. His head nestled upon the pillow. “Come on. Let’s play a game.”

Kolyat swallowed roughly, his lungs seizing for a moment, unnerved by the, pure, enjoyable look, on Feron’s face, making his stomach bubble uncomfortably.

_ His irises are hazel…. _

Kolyat caught himself from staring and sucked his teeth, a slight grin tugging at his lips. “You sure you’re not a child after all?”

Feron wrinkled his nose in mirth, a smile raging over his voluptuous lips. “Even in my dreams you’re an asshole like, Thane.”

“Dreams?” Kolyat looked around the room, his eyes falling on the monitor at Feron’s bedside. The whole situation finally making sense. Cursing, he rose and went over to the consoles, clicking on the drug administration log. “What the hell did they give you this time?” No wonder Feron was so pleasant. He was high.

”The giant _gra’lak_ said she liked my fingers. Should I be worried?”

_ Now he’s talking to fish? _

Kolyat sighed and frowned, looking back over to Feron who was glancing over the side of his bed warily, after Kolyat checked the long list of side effects on his omnitool. “Do you feel sick at all?”

Feron blinked up at him, a generous smile and brightening eyes. There was no pain or turmoil, just a boyish, impish delight.

_ Arashu, please be merciful. He has golden speckles in his eyes. _

_ “ _ A little dizzy, but I think it’s from too much sun. Can you pass me my water?”

Kolyat took a shaky breath to bring his thoughts back to the moment at hand and reached for the water pitcher, pouring Feron a glass and handed him the cup. In curiosity, he watched the other drell take a deep drink before handing it back to Kolyat, his gaze falling back over the edge of his bed.

What exactly was Feron seeing right now? The extremely long list of side effects stated that the drugs could cause hallucinations, erratic behavior, nervousness, nausea, dizziness or sleep. At least Feron wasn’t getting violent, but he stated he was dizzy. Hopefully he wouldn’t throw up. At least not on Kolyat since he was due to see Adam for breakfast and then go to work.

Circling back around, Kolyat took a seat in the chair and studied Feron. “Where are we right now?”

Feron looked up at him and narrowed his eyes in clear confusion before glancing around. “What is your problem? Can’t you just enjoy yourself? I just don’t like that you can barely smell the sea.”

“Feron,” Kolyat called his name sternly. “Try to focus. You’re not at the beach.”

Blinking slowly, Feron looked around, a slight sway in the way he moved before he leaned back against his pillows and stared at the ceiling. His gaze was thoughtful before it slipped into solemn contemplation. A long silence before he finally spoke. “I really don’t like you.”

A slight pain went through Kolyat’s chest from Feron’s words. The feeling unexpected as his gaze dropped to his lap momentarily and he sighed. Was he starting to care about what Feron thought of him? “Yeah … I get that feeling,” he said, feeling like there was a distance forming between them further.  

“I can’t stand that you’re so good looking. I hate your face.”

Kolyat quirked an eyeridge at Feron in interest. “That was … very contradictory.” Feron either thought he was attractive or he wasn’t, but everything with the colorful man just ended up confusing him or setting his dial to twelve.

Why did he even care if Feron thought he was attractive or not?

Feron purred in laughter and turned his head to look at Kolyat. His features suddenly looked tired and a quiet yawn escaped his mouth, giving evidence to the sleepiness that took Feron over. “Why did you have to be Thane’s son? I might’ve actually liked you.”

Kolyat snorted as Feron gave him a soft smile, a slow blink, another little yawn, more of a deep sigh as he shifted himself deeper against the blankets.

“Funny ... you don’t seem like such a jerk when you smile, even if you’re saying shitty things,” Kolyat murmured, barely audible.

Feron chuckled as his eyes fluttered closed, his voice coming out in a whisper as he dwindled on the precipice of sleep. “Build a sand castle with me again?”

Kolyat tilted his head thoughtfully, purring in question, but Feron’s breathing had already evened out, his chest rising and falling in peaceful sleep. Did Feron insinuate he dreamed about Kolyat before? That he thought Kolyat was good looking, but hated him for being Thane’s son? Propping an elbow up on the arm of the chair, Kolyat turned his head and dropped his forehead into the palm of his hand, massaging his eyes and the budding migraine that was starting to flourish.

He sat with Feron for a long time, making sure he slept soundly. Watching a human nurse smile at him with friendly warmth when she came in to check Feron’s IV drips and vitals. He didn’t return the sentiment, and Kolyat’s whole body was on guard until she left. An involuntary response to protect the sleeping man. His bodies own reaction confusing him further.

‘ _ Now you want to watch me sleep? What else gets you off?’ _

Kolyat chuckled, despite himself, thinking about Feron’s antic’s. Under normal circumstances, perhaps if they met differently - if Feron was a little more pleasant - maybe Feron was right. Maybe they would’ve liked each other.  

_ That could still be a possibility … if I can get Feron to trust me. If my patience doesn’t wear out. _

Kolyat checked his omnitool for the time and rose from his seat. Moving the chair back near the entryway, he grabbed his C-Sec jacket and threw it over his arms, closing the buttons at his waist. He turned to leave, but a nagging feeling tugged at the pit of his stomach, everything Feron said turning over in his head and he made his way back toward the sleeping man.

His colors were beautiful - different - than most drells. Where the majority of his species consisted of one color with different shades on the face, chest and stomach, Feron had a wide range of gold and yellow on his face, pink and red upon his lips, his crest covered in burgundy, cobalt, and the green of the deep seas on Kahje. Kolyat studied his cerulean frills, his throat and the green of his neck, more pink and gold disappearing beneath his hospital garb. He looked at Feron’s hands, the gold and yellow tone’s mixed with green created a swirling pattern and perfect blends. The scars around his wrists disrupting the scales but not the colors.

And his eyes …

_ Simply beautiful. _

Kolyat swallowed roughly, feeling his frills engorge as he chastised himself for leering down at the man asleep. Especially since Feron was a victim of sexual assault. But there was just something about Feron that pulled at him from the moment they met. Even if all he did was piss Kolyat off and test his patience.

He knew he was about to be the biggest creep ever, but Kolyat leaned his hand on the railing, and stared at Feron’s scales, giving him another once over and sniffed the air around him. The smell of antiseptics and medicine were overwhelming, but something unseen bade him to bend further. Kolyat was careful, watching Feron’s expression for any change or hint that he would awaken, and inch by inch he leaned into him, his nose a breath away from the juncture of his throat, where his frills ended on his neck. Kolyat closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.

The scent hit him like a slap across his face.

Kolyat jerked back, almost stumbling as he lost his footing, forcing himself to twist and not ass plant on the floor while he tried to scramble away. Feron’s scent was spicy and strong, erotic and heady. Kolyat could almost taste the full-bodied aroma on his tongue like a decadent wine. Pure and flavorful.

Simply perfect.

Feron smelt like a compatible mate ... and Kolyat felt panic well in his chest as he raced out of the room without looking back.

 

* * *

“You seem a little distracted,” Adam chided gently, a soft smile on his lips as he tilted his head to the side and leaned forward as if he were searching Kolyat’s expression. 

Kolyat lifted his head up, tearing his gaze away from the cup of tea he stared at unseeing. His mind was an utter mess from what happened earlier. Thoughts and understandings thrown off balance. He should have never moved close to Feron the way he did. Kolyat just couldn’t wrap his head around and fathom that _ that _ man was attractive to him. There was no way. No possible. Fucking. Way.

Biology be damned. Feron could never be what he wanted in a compatible mate.

“Sorry,” Kolyat dipped his head in apology. “I have a lot on my mind. Work, but …” Kolyat let the lie slip out easily and forced a smile to his lips to ease the human man. “Let’s start over. Good morning.”

Adam’s soft display flourished into a full smile, dimples appearing on his cheeks as he picked up the tiny milk carafe and poured a little into his coffee cup. “Good morning, Kolyat. I take it you have to go to work after breakfast?”

Kolyat glanced down at his uniform shirt and silently chastised himself. Maybe he should’ve changed when he went to work? Maybe showing up in his uniform would make Adam think he wasn't interested and only in a rush? Maybe he felt uncomfortable that he was having breakfast with a cop? Maybe….

“I can see your panic forming. I was only making an observation.”

“I …” Kolyat tried to think of something to say, failing miserably. “I should’ve worn something else.”

Adam laughed joyously, putting a spoon of sugar into his coffee cup, stirring the dark liquid to a soft brown. “You don’t go on many dates, do you?”

Kolyat smiled in embarrassment and ran a hand over the ridges on the top of his head. “Am I that obvious?”  

“You have a great smile, you know that?” Adam said softly, but the comment only made Kolyat’s smile fall away, his frills heat, before Adam continued, “And now I’ve embarrassed you.”

“No … it’s just … sorry.” Kolyat shook his head, letting the smile slowly return. “It’s been a long morning. You have a really great smile, too.” 

“I think you’re cheating now. Compliments will get you everything.” 

Kolyat chuckled at Adam’s flirtatious joke, his attention falling to the oncoming waiter, breaking the awkward bubble that appeared and popped by the time they placed their orders.

“Let’s start simple, ok?” I’ll spare you an interrogation.” Adam started as soon as the waiter turned to leave. 

“That will be a change,” Kolyat purred in jocularity. “Usually I’m the one asking the questions.”

“You drilling people?” Adam rose an eyebrow shamelessly, picking up his coffee he smirked behind the cup before he took a sip.

Kolyat doubted the human was trying to hide his lewd expression as Kolyat retorted, ‘Every once in awhile.”

Adam rewarded him with a pleased hum as he placed his coffee cup down on the saucer before his expression turned serious. “So, Kolyat … tell me about yourself. All I know about you is that you recently graduated from C-Sec Academy, you don’t drink much liquor, and like most drells, prefer tea over coffee.” Adam motioned towards his  _ soryu _ tea. 

Kolyat hesitated, not exactly sure what to say. Not sure where to even begin. “What exactly do you want to know?”    
  
Adam blinked and gave him a soft sigh. “How about your childhood?” 

_ No. Definitely not my childhood.  _ Kolyat could literally feel the walls building around himself. All joy leaving his system.

“Where were you born?” Adam continued, oblivious to the inner battle raging inside Kolyat’s mind.

“Kahje. The hanar homeworld.” He hoped his voice didn’t come out as guarded as he felt.  

“And what brought you to the Citadel?”    
  
Kolyat glanced down and grabbed his teacup, running all the different scenarios in his head on how to answer. Should he tell the truth?  _ What are you crazy?  _ A version of the truth?  _ Maybe. _ Or a lie?  _ Probably better.  _ He liked the human so far and knew any hopes of seeing Adam again would eventually lead him with opportunities to open up more, but ... why chase him away so soon? “Opportunity. Mostly work,” he stated simply. “I needed a change, so I came to the Citadel and ... my future mother helped me get into C-Sec.”    
  
_ Not a complete lie.  _   
  
“I still think it’s amazing you’re about to be the son of Commander Shepard. Your dad seemed really nice. Calm ... compared to the Commander.”   
  
“Holly can be ... vocal.” Kolyat nodded solemnly. His thoughts automatically thinking about the punch to the face he received at first meeting. 

“I bet. I’ve heard the stories.” Adam laughed before raising his hand and waving it as if he was trying to dismiss something. “I’m more interested in you though, not Commander Shepard.”    
  
“That’s good to hear. Reassuring that you’re not using me to get to my future mother.” Kolyat quipped without thinking. Mentally groaning when he realized he actually said that outloud. Kolyat’s shoulders fell and he shook his head trying not to grimace from his own remark. 

_ Why did I say that? _

“Whoa, that got dark fast.” Adam raised his eyebrows, leaning back in his chair. 

“I...”

_ Am fucking this up, big time.  _

Kolyat despaired, trying to find something to save himself. At this rate, he wouldn’t be surprised if Adam turned around and stated he was no longer interested. “Sorry. It’s just that …”  _ Be honest!  _ “People treat me differently when they find out I know her. Like the only reason they’re tolerating me is because they don’t want to piss her off.” Swallowing down the rocks forming in his throat, Kolyat shook his head and took a sip of his tea. He sighed deeply knowing their breakfast was probably at an end. 

_ Yep, I fucked it up. _

“Well …” Adam paused as if he was trying to think of what to say. Running a hand through his dark blond waves as he glanced around.

_ Looking for the escape route. _

Adam finally smiled serenely and stared at Kolyat as if making a decision. “It probably doesn’t look good that I’m registered with the Alliance, then.” Adam said unexpectedly. “But let me assure you, Commander Shepard wasn’t on my mind when I was trying to get your attention the other night.”

Kolyat placed his cup down again and met the human’s soft, brown eyes. Adam’s calm, collected expression, caused a fluttering feeling to spark in Kolyat’s gut with hope. Adam wasn’t making a break for it. “You’re Alliance?”

Adam nodded and gave Kolyat a coy grin. “That’s why I said you being in C-Sec was pleasantly surprising. I’m Alliance Reserve. You’re not the only one that looks hot in a uniform.”

Kolyat smiled, suddenly feeling shy, a lighter feeling taking up the space between them. He did everything in his power to push his thoughts of Feron and work away, his insecurities and fears, and focused solely on the - extremely attractive - man before him. “You look exquisite in a suit, too.”

“Thank you,” Adam replied, the slight ball in his throat bobbing as he glanced away and licked his lips. His mannerisms and grace, captivating. “Tell me what you like to do for fun.”

“Fun?”

“Fun,” Adam repeated. “You know, a thing you do when you’re not working. You do have interests don’t you?”

Kolyat paused to think about what he usually did. Most of the time he just stayed by himself, went home, relaxed, spent time with his father - if he was around - sometimes went to a museum or something. He didn’t have much free time because of studies, and now that he was a full-fledged officer, he started studying again to prepare himself for a promotion … and now the responsibilities over Feron….

Do NOT. Think. About. Him.

“I read. Sometimes I’ll watch a movie. I’ve only been on the Citadel a little over a year. I don’t really know a lot of people. I don’t get to go out much. Plus my studies took up all my free time.”

Adam nodded in understanding. “Tell me about it. I’ve been a victim of multiple all-nighters while having to go to work the next day. Have you been to the movies on the Citadel yet?”

“No, and Kahje didn’t really have any.” Kolyat shook his head watching as a bright smile took over Adam’s features.

“Really? Please tell me you like horror. There’s a new movie I just have to see, but no one wants to go with me. No one likes scary movies apparently.”

Kolyat chuckled, feeling himself completely relax as their conversation took off. “I guess I didn’t mess this up as bad as I thought I did. You want to see me again?”

Adam quirked an eyebrow and leaned forward, resting his cheek on the palm of his hand. The look he gave Kolyat was anything but innocent. “I’ll forgive you for your awkward starting point this morning … but no, I didn’t think this was going to be a one-time thing. That’s not what I was looking for.” A reassuring smile, and Adam had him right then and there. “Just don’t get shy on me. I liked your confidence when we first met, like you knew what you were looking for, too. That turned me on the most.”

Kolyat returned his smile, liking how suave and smooth Adam was being. Leaning forward, Kolyat placed his hands on the table, sliding himself to the edge of his seat in interest. “Tell me more about yourself, Adam. I want to plan where we can go next. I have a full day off coming up.”

 

* * *

“Don’t you have a woman to fuck?”

Feron watched Kolyat hesitate in the doorway, his normal frown blanketing those full thick lips before he decided to come through the door and pick up the chair by the entryway.

_ Shit, he’s planning on staying. _

“I see you’re back to your normal self,” Kolyat remarked, pulling his jacket off as soon as he placed the chair down by Feron’s bedside.

Feron growled in warning, although he was confused by what Kolyat was talking about. He watched him carefully, eyes drifting over his tall, lean stature, blue scales, captivating and beautiful, muscles flexing as he pulled the article of clothing off and draped it over the back of the chair. Feron hated to admit it, but for some reason he liked Kolyat’s hands. Long and slender fingers that looked elegant and strong.

“I brought some cards,” Kolyat stated, reaching into his back pocket, pulling out a small deck, showing it to him. “I thought we could play some  _ ba’ket _ . Or you could teach me to play poker.”

Feron narrowed his eyes in suspicion when Kolyat held out the pack to him. Did Kolyat like  _ ba’ket _ ? He eyed him warily, slowly reaching out his hand to take the offered pack, making sure his fingers grasped the edges and not brush against Kolyat’s fingers accidentally. Even the slightest form of contact making him uncomfortable.

Kokyat purred in urging when Feron had a good grip on the offered gift and let go, moving to the side table, rolling it between them. “Start up the set, and go easy on me. I haven’t played in a really long time.”

Feron opened the cards and stared down at them. “How did you know I played  _ ba’ket _ ?”

_ Is this a dream? _

Feron glanced around trying to see if something would trigger his mind and force him awake. How did Kolyat know he liked  _ ba’ket  _ and poker?

“You told me yesterday you played.”

“No, I didn’t.” Feron snapped. “You never came yesterday.”

Kolyat narrowed his eyes in confusion and looked towards the monitors on the opposite side of Feron’s bed. “You don’t remember?”

Feron growled in irritation catching Kolyat in his lie. They were drell, they remembered everything at a breaths touch, unless - Kolyat’s pupils dilated, his words coming out low and fast. A memory spilling forth in perfect recollection.

And Feron could feel his frills blanch in horror.

He listened in sick suspension. Frozen. As if in a trance. He thought he was at a beach? Fish were talking to him? His eyes widened as he listened to Kolyat’s memory, the turquoise drell cutting it off when he tried to get Feron to focus and snap out of his drug-induced haze. Gritting his teeth in aggravation Feron let out a huff of annoyance and rubbed his eyes in rising tension. “What the fuck did they give me that time?”

“They mixed a few drugs. Other than dizziness and apparent memory loss, you were actually quite pleasant. I see why they gave it to you.” The edges of Kolyat’s lips quirked as he apparently tried to fight a smile.

Feron huffed and looked away, heaviness seizing his chest, turmoil squeezing his throat. Kolyat thought it was funny? He didn’t understand the truth of it. Feron tried to control his breathing, tears welling in his eyes. He hated this feeling the most. Being helpless, unable to fight back.

He was never rescued from the base. Still a prisoner. Different jailers.

_ They did it because I told that fat fuck, Bennett to ‘suck a dick and go fuck himself’ after he ridiculed me and told me you were going to admit me into Huerta Asylum. _

“After I leave I will speak to your doctors. I will make sure they don’t give you the drugs again.”

Feron glanced back at Kolyat, his hard features solemn but calm, his eyes dark and seemingly fathomless, as he assessed, Feron. He looked serious, but Feron didn’t trust him for a second. He was just another pretty face that spewed nothing but false promises and perfect lies.

_ And what is that smell? _

Feron inhaled sharply, a deep heady scent - faint - but noticeable enough to cause him pause, permeated the air around them. Like something just out of reach. He looked around the room trying to pinpoint the source, or where it could be coming from, but couldn’t locate anything substantial.  _ Food? Cologne? Bennet’s lifeless corpse _ ?

_ Fuck, I hate that man. _

“Are you, okay?” Kolyat asked, noticing Feron scan the room.

“I’m fine,” he bit out, taking the cards and dealing them out just to distract Kolyat enough for him to shut the fuck up.

They stayed in silence for several long moments, Feron’s eyes staying fixed on Kolyat in anger. He watched him carefully, waiting for more deceit to spew from his mouth like poison. He waited as Kolyat studied his cards, trying to decide what to place first, throwing down a three of coins.

“Do you even know how to play?” Feron frowned, placing a two of swords, taking Kolyat’s card.

“I remember. It’s just been a very long time.” He placed the king of swords.

Feron shook his head and drew from the deck, Kolyat was throwing out his highest card right in the beginning. “You’re supposed to save the highest cards for the end.”

“There’s no rule for that in  _ ba’ket,  _ everyone has their own playing style.”

“And yours is clearly to lose,” Feron quipped, capturing two more of Kolyat’s cards.

They placed cards back and forth and after ten more sets, Feron won the round. Kolyat grabbed the deck and began shuffling, dealing the next set. That one lasted fifteen sets before Feron won.

“When was the last time you played?” Feron asked, shuffling the deck.

Kolyat paused and closed his eyes as if searching his memories. “I was fourteen. I used to play with my aunts a lot before I ... “ Shaking his head he met Feron’s gaze. “What about you?”

Feron could see the walls going up but didn’t comment. He didn’t really give a shit about Kolyat anyway. “Definitely not fourteen. Explains why you’re so bad.”

“I asked you to go easy on me.”

Feron smiled without care, placing the queen of swords to take the round. “Maybe you’ll learn not to suck if I keep winning.”  

Kolyat took the deck to shuffle and Feron expected anger or a frown, but instead, a soft smile enveloped those luscious turquoise lips. For a split moment Feron felt his heart stop mid-beat as he stared.

_ No, seriously. What the fuck is that smell? _

“Tell me something about yourself. Something you like.” Kolyat asked.

Feron glanced around the room again, sniffing the air as discreetly as possible while he scanned every crevice. Didn’t Kolyat smell it? How did Kolyat not smell that? “A bad, bad man liked to touch me at night as a kid. He kept me locked in a glass cage - liked to watch me dance and do naughty things.” Feron looked back down at the cards on the table and did his best to ignore the smell, placing a card to capture Kolyat’s suit. “Sometimes he would be nice and let me out. I got to pick a big breasted asari from his personal harem when I was obedient.” Feron snickered, tossing down the ace of swords, winning the hand.

Kolyat stared down at the table, his eyeridges scrunched together in uncertainty as he shifted his gaze from the cards on the table to the ones in his hand. “How the fuck did you win so quickly?”

“Again?” Feron grinned, picking up the cards on the table and motioned for Kolyat to drop his hand so he could shuffle once more.

Kolyat nodded and placed the cards down on the table, waiting for Feron to pick them up and start sifting them. “Now that your done with the lie, are you going to tell me something substantial?

“The big, burly, hairy chested human - no, let’s make it an elcor - was very fond of my dancing. You’re just mocking my pain.” Feron wiped away a fake tear. “I loved when he touched me as a kid. It made me feel grown up. Like I was trying to please daddy.”

“That’s not funny,” Kolyat snapped, anger flashing in his eyes.

_ So child torment is a soft spot? Interesting. _

“The point of the story-” Feron sighed dramatically. “-is that I like big breasted asari’s. You didn’t pay attention to the main aspects.”

Cold darkness was still on Kolyat’s face and he dropped his cards on the table and rose from his seat. “Please tell me none of that story is even remotely true.”

Feron smiled maliciously, knowing he found Kolyat’s trigger point. “Which part? The dancing? I really do like big breasted asari’s. I like their hips. The way they gyrate them when they sit on my face.”

_ No reaction? _

“Oh, “Feron laughed heartlessly. “You must mean the kiddie porn he made me do.” Shrugging, he leaned back against his pillows and purred uncaringly. “You know, he had this thing with hanar’s, maybe it was all those tentacles that slid over my scales. He always used to tell me how beautiful he thought I was.”

Kolyat remained silent for a long while, his eyes roaming over Feron slowly. He wasn’t sure if he liked Kolyat’s eyes. Shit, he wasn’t sure if he even liked Kolyat at all. There was just something about the guy that just didn’t seem to sit well with him. Something Feron couldn’t place.

“It’s my turn to talk now,” Kolyat stated, moving around the tray table between them, coming closer.

_ Wait … why is he coming closer?  _

“You were held prisoner. Tortured. Beaten. Raped. Why would you joke about that?

Feron narrowed his eyes, rage filling his chest. How much did Kolyat know? And what the hell was he getting at? “Go fuck yourself. What does that have to do with anything? That’s none of your business.” 

“They think you’re a lost cause,” Kolyat blurted.

“Maybe I am. Maybe they’ll get it through their heads to leave me alone, then. Maybe  _ you  _ will.”

Kolyat sighed and frowned, but he only moved closer. Taking several steps until he was right at Feron’s bedside, angling over him.

_ He’s leaning. He’s leaning! Why is he leaning? _

Feron shifted in discomfort, not liking how close Kolyat was getting to him. He held his breath in uncertainty, unable to do anything but wait and see what Kolyat was trying to pull. Bending down, the turquoise man placed a hand down on the beds handrail, a dark look passing over his features. Swallowing roughly, Feron forced himself to keep his gaze locked with Kolyat’s, unwilling to show any discomfort or hesitation.

A rich, musky odor, reached his nostrils, and Feron could practically feel horror swallow up his existence.

_ Fuuuucccckkkk … the smells are coming from him! _

Kolyat peered into his eyes as if searching for something, his gaze roaming over his face and languidly down his throat and chest, nostrils flaring.    
  
_ What the shit? Is he checking me out or something?  _ __   
  
Eventually his eyes snapped back to Feron’s and he smiled. Not a good smile, something more sinister and full of himself, and it did nothing but spark defiance in Feron’s soul as stared down Kolyat and growled in dissent. 

“There we go. There’s the real you. Stop your bullshit stories. Stop your lies. Just show them your fire. Your will to survive. You’re a fighter Feron. Your stronger than this bullshit web you try to surround yourself with. Don’t. Let them. Give up. On you ... I won’t.” 

“You’re a liar,” Feron hissed. “You don’t know me. Stop pretending like you give a shit.

_ And stop smelling so fucking good!  _

_ Goddess ... please … give me some strength back in my legs ... just for a second ... so I can kick him straight in his stupid, conceited, asshole face! _

Clear confusion entered Kolyat’s gaze, the blue of his irises peeking through as he searched Feron’s face. His hand fell off the bannister as he leaned back.

_ That’s right. Back up, bitch. _

“When did I lie to you? How did I give you any indication which made you think I don’t care?” Kolyat demanded an answer more than asked. Righting himself, he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned on one leg, his hip moving to the side. Kolyat’s tall, lean, perfect frame -

Feron growled again in warning, “Huerta Asylum. You’re just going to throw me there in the end. Just do it and get it over with. Enough of this ‘trying to show me friendship’ bullshit.”

His hands dropped from his chest. Shock and dismay. “Feron - I never - where did you hear this? Dr. Bennet suggested-”

“That fat fuck,” Feron cut him off. “He said you were going to sign off on the papers.”

Kolyat growled in denial, the first real anger finally sparking to life on the tall, beautiful man.

_ Good. Maybe Kolyat will finally stop lying and pretending he- _

“I’m not putting you in Huerta Asylum. I don’t care how many times, Dr. Bennett asks me. I told him ‘no’. I just told him to make sure no one touches you.”

The resolve on Kolyat’s face caused Feron hesitation. Wait? Kolyat wasn’t going to sign off on the papers like Bennett said? Kolyat told everyone not to touch him? Feron did notice that his nurses changed, and all of them stayed away for the most part, but he thought that was because they heard he could get violent. He thought they were just scared of him.

“Feron,” Kolyat purred soothingly. “Please. I’m telling you the truth. Yes, Dr. Bennett approached me about transferring you, but I never signed the papers. I’m not going to do that to you. You’re not crazy, you’re just …”

_ Worthless. Nothing. A nuisance. You should just do it. _

“You’re in pain … and you need time to heal. I want to help you,” Kolyat finished. His features filled with sincerity.

Feron didn’t know how to react. He just sat there and stared at him until a soft smile blanketed Kolyat’s lips. Another soft purr released from Kolyat’s throat. “Fate brought us together. I really believe that, now. Give me a chance to show you life is worth living.” 

Feron licked his dry lips, his throat feeling sore and parched. Air caught in his chest. He didn’t believe Kolyat. Knew there were a million reasons against it, but suddenly he felt … “And how do you plan on doing that?”    
  
Kolyat smiled. A real. Genuine. Smile. And Feron froze in awe, his heart hammering against his chest. The scent growing stronger. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”    
  
Feron was silent for several long moments, hating the reactions Kolyat was pulling from him. Hating himself for allowing this attractive - No! Asshole guy, to make him feel something other than despair.  _ And he sucks at ba’ket. “ _ Do me a favor next time you decide to see me?”    
  
Kolyat purred in question, his helpful sound rolling Feron’s stomach with waves of nausea. 

Fixing a cruel smile into place, Feron trilled in disrespect and snickered, “Take a shower before you see me next time. You smell disgusting.”    
  
Kolyat blinked in blatant shock and gasped, clearly taken aback by Feron’s comment. Kolyat had the audacity to look genuinely hurt, and although part of Feron felt bad for the look on Kolyat’s face, he forced himself to chuckle heartlessly. Although he really wanted to apologize … because it was far from the truth. 

He smelt amazing.

_ Don’t show him that you care what he thinks. _

_ If you do … _

_ You will only get hurt in the end…. _

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

"You okay?" Adam asked in amusement, a sly grin on his face. Kolyat frowned and shook his head as he moved his gaze from a darkened alleyway towards the street they walked down.

"Why did I agree to see that movie with you?" Kolyat sighed, eyeing another dark area across the street. "Now I'm going to look at every dark crevice and corner in anxiety."

Adam laughed and pulled ahead of him, releasing his hand and placing it on Kolyat's lower stomach when he spun to move in front of him. Kolyat stopped walking. His breath caught in his lungs. Muscles tightening as Adam slipped his body close. Hand trailing up his chest, meeting Kolyat's gaze. The cedarwood smell of Adam's cologne, teasing his senses.

Adam smiled seductively. Sultry brown eyes dancing in mischief. "Because you're trying to impress me, so you put on a brave face."

Kolyat shook his head. "I think my bravado is going to cost me a week of restful sleep."

Adam laughed again and pulled back, grabbing Kolyat's hand and guided him forward. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I promise it'll be well lit and no dark corners."

Kolyat chuckled and let Adam lead him on. The day so far nothing but perfect. Calm and enjoyable. Adam, playful and kind. Unlike their first date, Kolyat wasn't a nervous wreck when they met up. He felt more at ease with the human. Adam's face lighting up the moment their eyes caught the others in the vestibule.

The movie theater was crowded, surprising Kolyat since he didn't think horror movies were so popular. Adam explained that it was a new physiological horror that was a spinoff from another series of movies that were cult classics. The one they were seeing was the origin story of how the events in the other movies were possible.

They found seats towards the back, mostly reserved for couples because of the love seat design of the chairs. Adam held no hesitation and automatically leaned against Kolyat after placing their popcorn and drinks down, asking Kolyat if he wanted to put his arm around his shoulders. Adam was reassuring and polite in the way he asked, making sure Kolyat didn't feel pressured or felt uncomfortable in any way. Something about Adam made him unable to say no.

Adam was direct, but not demanding. Considerate, but not a pushover. He knew exactly what he wanted and wasn't afraid to express it.

Kolyat really liked that about him.

He was even kind and subtle in his comfort. Never calling him out or making him feel awkward whenever Kolyat tensed or turned his head away through intense moments. Even when his anxiety spiked during one particular scene. Adam's hand rested on his knee, stroking it soothingly. Halfway through the film, Kolyat was brave enough to offer his hand, their fingers adjusting as they intertwined and accommodated the other.

"Are you in the mood for anything in particular?" Kolyat asked, intertwining their fingers together again as they started to walk down the street.

"Pancakes. I'm always in the mood for pancakes."

"A favorite food I take it?" Kolyat smiled, their pace slowing to more of a leisurely stroll when Adam looked in one of the shop windows they passed.

"I'm a breakfast guy. Not hard to please. Mind if we go in here?" Adam paused outside of a clothing shop.

Kolyat glanced over at the store. An upscale boutique with leather jackets, shoes and cologne in the window. "Versace? Did I say it right?"

"There's a 'chi' sound at the end." Adam grinned. "Just for a moment. If you don't mind."

Kolyat smiled and dipped his head. "I don't mind." He moved to open the door for Adam, releasing his hand, waiting as his date gave him a look of approval and walked through the threshold. A soft chime going off the moment they entered.

"Look. It's well lit." Adam stated playfully, earning him a slight shake of his head from Kolyat. Adam chuckled and moved to one of the clothing racks, smiling at a human man who greeted them and offered assistance, if needed, before moving back to the main counter.

Kolyat let him browse, looking over some of the dress shirts as they passed. A really nice teal colored garment catching his eye. Sifting through the shirts to find his size, Kolyat unhooked the hangar from the bar and examined it more closely. A lean cut, button-up shirt, that felt incredibly soft to the touch. The price tag making him freeze on the spot.

_One hundred and fifty credits? What the hell kind of store is this?_

"I think you would look really hot in that." Kolyat heard Adam say as the human approached him.

Kolyat snorted and placed the shirt back on the rack. "Me paying my rent would look really hot, too."

Adam chuckled and picked the shirt Kolyat just placed back up. "You should get it."

Kolyat hummed thoughtfully, lips thinning out. He did really like the shirt, but in the end, he shook his head in denial. "It's a little out of my price range. I wouldn't spend a hundred and fifty credits on a dress shirt."

"You're buying the brand name."

"Well, the brand name must not be that popular if I've never heard of it." Kolyat shrugged looking at a pair of leather shoes.

_Wait … does that say twenty-five hundred?_

Adam took a step towards him, a thoughtful look on his face, cheeks tightened as if he was trying to fight a smile. "Kolyat … I know we haven't known each other long, but please. Let me buy it for you. I really think you would look good in it."

"I know I'd look good in it, but that's not necessary. It's really expensive."

"You think this is expensive?" Adam quirked an eyebrow, glancing down at the price tag in his hand.

"Isn't it?"

"Actually. No. Not for me."

Kolyat tilted his head perplexed by Adam's lackluster in regards to the number of credits he was eager to spend on him. Taking a step forward, Kolyat lowered his voice in confusion, "How … how much do you make in a year?"

The inquiry was more out of curiosity on how Adam was able to blink away one hundred and fifty credits, and he watched as Adam's eyebrows shot up in blatant surprise. His direct question making the human's eyes widen in shock. Mumbling an apology, Kolyat realized his folly. The rudeness of the question way out of line. Shaking his head he moved to turn away. "I didn't mean … that was rude. I - I'll tell you how much I make. I mean … if you …" Kolyat groaned and shook his head again in self-aggravation. "It's only fair."

_What is the matter with me? This man makes me second guess everything I say or do._

"We're having the salary conversation? This is getting serious between us."

"No - no. I shouldn't have asked. We - we don't have to have that conversation," Kolyat short of stuttered, his frills heating in embarrassment. Shoving his hands in his pockets, Kolyat glanced away hoping the man didn't get upset by his accidental inquisitiveness.

Adam slipped in close again, catching him off guard, his ease with touching Kolyat alarming, but not unwelcome. His hand was warm as he touched Kolyat's stomach, fingers spread, trailing up almost teasingly until Adam brushed over his left pectoral. A sultry, playful look in his eyes. "How much did your father leave me that night?"

Kolyat swallowed roughly and tried to focus on the memory of Thane paying the restaurant bill. The closeness of Adam hard to concentrate past. His cologne, intoxicating. The warmth of his body, so incredibly tempting. Kolyat rose one of his hands in hesitation, his fingers brushing over Adam's hip, heartbeat slamming against his ribs painfully. "Two hundred and fifty credits."

Adam's stare darkened, glancing down at Kolyat's hand and then back up to his eyes in approval. The shirt still grasped in his free hand at his side. "You were only one table. I had another in a separate room. I just stayed in your room most of the time because I wanted to get your attention. I serve between six to ten a night, and that restaurant is not exactly cheap."

Crunching the numbers in his head, Kolyat let out a harsh breath as Adam pulled away. "How many days a week do you work?"

"Three. Sometimes four. Once in awhile five, but that's only if I'm doing someone a favor."

"Holy shit." If Kolyat was calculating the numbers correctly - give or take five hundred credits a week if he had bad tips - Adam could potentially make between two hundred to three hundred and fifty thousand a year.

Adam must have understood the look of shock on his face because his smile fell and he turned to glance at a shelf. Taking his hand off Kolyat's chest, he took a step back and examined the material of another shirt, feeling the sleeve between his fingers. "Do you feel a little bit more confident now in the fact that I wasn't interested in you because you were Commander Shepard's son - son-in-law - soon to be -" Adam chuckled and released the sleeve, letting the shirt fall back, before meeting his gaze with a grin. "Whatever you want to call it. I meet a lot of rich and powerful people, but I don't like to get mixed up with them. Besides, they view me as the 'help'."

"Why  _did_ you show interest?" Kolyat blurted the question before thinking better of it. "I'm just an entry level C-Sec officer. I barely make sixty thousand."

"I'm not interested in money." Adam stood up straight, his tall, chiseled grace, enticing. Kolyat prayed he wasn't fucking this up again. "You weren't one of them," he stated plainly. "You might've been there, but you didn't belong there … there was this humbleness about you, an innocence. All I could think about … was how much I wanted to corrupt you."

Kolyat snorted, unable to hold in his grin. "Corrupt me? How do you plan on corrupting me?"

Adam flashed him a smile and glanced around. "That's a discussion for another place, without an audience." He motioned his chin towards the man at the counter who pretended he wasn't listening to their conversation but clearly was. "So, are you going to let me buy you the shirt now?"

Kolyat bit his lip as if thinking and nodded. "Only if you agree to let me take you out again in a few days."

"Is that a bribe?"

"My trained negotiation skills," Kolyat joked back. "I'm confident you're going to say, yes."

Adam licked his lips and raised an eyebrow as if in challenge. "No," he replied sternly.

Kolyat's jaw dropped in surprise. A pain spiking through his chest from Adam's straightforward rejection. Kolyat felt sadness creep through his stomach, spreading out as his lungs grew heavy. His gaze fell to the ground. "Oh … I … I understand."

Adam reached his hand out for Kolyat's, slipping their palms together, his voice low and sensual, as he laced their fingers. "I want tomorrow night."

Kolyat rose his gaze, letting out a slight gasp of relief, a half smile. "I - I can't tomorrow. I have a double. The day after?"

"I can switch my shift," Adam agreed, giving him a reassuring squeeze of his hand before he smirked with care. "You looked worried."

"I was," Kolyat agreed, keeping his voice low, intimate. "I thought … maybe …"

Adam moved a little closer, gaze dropping to Kolyat's lips and then up to his eyes. Adam's woodsy smell filling his lungs. "At least I'm convinced nothing about this is one-sided."

Kolyat couldn't breathe, his chest ready to explode. "It's not." He inched in, taking the silent urging, Adam's eyes slipping closed.

"Gentlemen, you're wrinkling the merchandise." A stern voice pulled them from the moment.

Adam took a step away, an exasperated sound releasing from his nose as he glanced over Kolyat's shoulder towards the cashier. "You just ruined our first kiss, thanks for that!" he shouted in annoyance.

The sales representative mumbled an incoherent apology, actually looking regretful as Adam moved past Kolyat and placed the shirt down by the register. The moment obviously over.

Taking a deep breath to calm his racing heart, Kolyat licked his lips and grinned, pushing down the giddiness he felt inside and walked over to Adam. "What did you need to come in here for anyway?"

"My cologne. I was running low." Adam glared at the salesman pointing to the bottle behind a display cabinet. "I need one of the Eros."

"The one you're wearing?"

Adam smirked and leaned against the counter, a smile slipping to his lips as he turned to Kolyat and gave him a flirty look. "Why? Do you like it?"

"I think you already know the answer to that." Kolyat shrugged looking at the cufflinks showcased in the glass beneath his hands, trying his best not to seem affected by Adam's simple presence or his sexy cologne. He knew he was failing miserably.

"Now I do," Adam answered coyly, turning back to the cashier and handing them a credit chit.

* * *

"I can't believe you've never eaten a pancake before."

"That's a human dish, we have something similar but much thinner, usually served with fruit or jam." Kolyat smiled, enjoying the slow stroll Adam and he were having. Their hands once more joined as they walked.

"Like a crepe?"

"I don't know what that is."

Adam stopped and opened his omnitool, balancing the small Versace bag on his wrist, showing Kolyat a picture of what he was referring to.

"That looks similar, but not so much cream or sugar."

"So boring and bland," Adam joked, taking Kolyat's hand and giving him a slight bump of his arm playfully.

"Like your pancakes," Kolyat quipped.

"Hey! No one told you to eat them without butter or syrup. That was your loss. Mine were perfectly covered in bananas, strawberries and fatty deliciousness."

Kolyat chuckled and nodded his head, his whole body feeling light and comfortable. "I don't really like sweet foods."

"That's fine. I don't find you boring and bland," Adam replied cheekily.

Kolyat grinned and nudged his arm back gently, giving his hand a light squeeze in return as they continued walking, falling into a comfortable silence for several blocks.

"This is me," Adam eventually said, stopping in front of an older model apartment complex, pulling Kolyat slightly back to a stop.

Kolyat glanced up at the architecture of the complex. A human design with an almost rustic feel of the building. There were wood panels and iron rails that gave the entryway a menacing appeal but added character to the structure. Glancing back down, Kolyat was about to tell Adam goodnight, but the human turned suddenly and dropped his bag. His hand pulled from Kolyat's roughly.

The thud of the cologne bottle hit the sidewalk and Kolyat was alarmed, uncertain whether the glass shattered, but Adam paid it no mind. Gasping in shock, Kolyat was about to question the human only to be silenced as Adam sealed their mouths together.

The kiss was a surprise, so the initial angle was bad, but Adam wrapped his arms around Kolyat's shoulders to quickly accommodate and slipped perfectly against him. Kolyat was more than willing to embrace the moment. Dropping his own bag, he leaned into the human man and placed his hands on Adam's hips, sliding them over his sculpted back and pulled him closer.

That was the moment he was waiting for. An opportunity to get a chance to taste Adam's mouth. Taste his passion. Feel his strength and chiseled body against his own.

He didn't disappoint.

Pulling back, Adam adjusted his position before planting him with another series of heated caresses, his lips skilled and soft, sounds gentle but full of heat. One hand slid down Kolyat's shoulder. His arm. His waist. Beneath his jacket. Over his hip. The touch like fire, urging him closer.

Turning his face away, Kolyat took a steady breath to ease the passion that threatened to spill over and consume him. "Easy. We should go slow. My venom-"

Adam chuckled and pushed against him harder, forcing Kolyat to stumble through his resolve, giving the human an opportunity to explore. Another moan of delight rumbled from his chest as Adam stroked the ribbing on his cheek. Kolyat's head falling back on instinct, only to be rewarded with Adam's soft kiss over the frills on his neck.

"I took a drell anti-venom supplement before I saw you." Adam smiled against his scales before planting another soft kiss over his ribbing.

"You were expecting this? We should still be careful until you get acclimated to me. To be safe."

Adam hummed thoughtfully and ran his tongue over Kolyat's bottom lip. Moving back to give some space, a lascivious look flowed over his features. "So you're saying I shouldn't lick you, kiss you … suck you off?" Adam made a mournful sound before adding, "that's too bad, I'm really good with my tongue."

Kolyat squeezed his eyes shut and growled in frustration before he smirked and made a regretful wheeze through his nose. "You're making this really hard."

"Am I?" Adam pushed against him, brushing a hand over Kolyat's semi-erect member. Adam hummed in approval and brought both hands up to rest on his chest. "Not nearly hard enough yet, but it has really good potential."

"Not what I meant." Kolyat smiled and shook his head, his hands slipping over Adam's hips, planting a gentle kiss on his lips. Adam was playing on a completely different level then what he was used to. "Why do I have a feeling I'm going to have trouble keeping up with you?"

"Don't worry," Adam started. "I promise I'll be easy for you."

One more kiss and Adam pulled away, desire easily recognizable. He smiled and picked up the bag's, handing Kolyat his shirt and glancing within the smaller to check the box of cologne.

"Did it break?"

Adam shook his head and gave Kolyat another smile. "Worth it either way." A deep breath and small round of silence before Adam licked his lips, eyes dark and seductive. "Good night, Kolyat. Unless of course … you want to come up?"

* * *

_I_ _think I might've really upset him._

Feron stared at the wall for what seemed like hours. His sour mood drowning him into an abyss of ambiguity, thoughts clashing - no - fighting each other to the death as they raged in his head.

On one hand, he was still so angry at the world for his predicament. So angry at himself for lacking the strength to end it all. He had a perfect opportunity last night to kill himself. The new nurse who administered his pain medication walked away to check his monitors, leaving several syringes within arms reach. He could've easily swiped one of the needles. Easily slit his wrists as soon as the nurse left. Instead, he stared at them with hesitation. Some unknown force freezing his motions … and then he thought of Kolyat.

It was a brief flicker. The turquoise drell who kept showing his stupid face. A man - who Feron hated to admit - smelled like a perfect fuck on a hot summer night.

It was only a moment, but he didn't want to see Kolyat sad or have any regret if Feron followed through. The damn man was starting to grow on him. Saw right through his bullshit.

Even called him out on it…

' _You're a fighter, Feron. You're stronger than this bullshit web you try to surround yourself with.'_

It was the first time since he was rescued that someone had the actual balls to speak to him like another person. Not someone to be pitied, belittled, ignored, or whispered about.

_Actually … Thane did, too._

_Shit … fucking Krios'._

Feron laid there for a long while in silence. Ignoring his breakfast, lunch and dinner - except for the water cups. He never neglected the water cups. They had exactly what he needed. He ignored the orderlies though - always questioning if he was hungry. Like a fucking pet. If he didn't touch his food, shouldn't that give some kind of indication he wasn't hungry?

It wasn't until his dinner turned cold that Kolyat surprisingly showed up.

Feron heard murmurers in the hallway. Kolyat's distinct, liquid voice, barely audible, but fully identifiable flowed towards him like those imaginary human-fish things. The ones that had the enchanting voices. Siren's, he remembered they were called. Beautiful creatures you wanted to fuck and please, only to be dragged down into Kalahira's oceans as they ate your heart - and maybe a leg. Possibly an eye.

_That's what Kolyat is! He's going to try and seduce me with his smell and eat my intestines!_

Kolyat was hesitant as he came around the corner. His body hovering in the doorway for a brief moment before entering. Feron tilted his head to stare at the turquoise man, remaining on his side while Kolyat purred in greeting.

_Always trying to be polite … right before he turns into an asshole._

He looked good. A little too good. The color of his frills were vibrant, indicating health and alertness. His tall, lean stature seemed well defined and strong, and Feron wondered how much taller Kolyat was then him.

He'd probably never be able to stand again to know the answer.

Turning on his back, Feron reached for the banister, his grip faltering. A hushed gasp escaping when a lash of pain shot through his lower back in retaliation from the movement. Kolyat was at his side in a span of a second. His hand hovering on the verge of assisting but pulled back harshly a second later to prevent himself from touching.

They stared at one another for several heartbeats and Feron pondered silently as he realized his body didn't tense automatically from the man's impending touch.

"Do you … do you want some help?" Kolyat asked, his voice low. A purr of inquiry.

Feron swallowed thickly when the fresh and clean scent of soap hit his nostrils.  _Shit, he actually showered before he came to see me. I really did upset him._

Feron waited a moment, still wondering why his muscles didn't spasm with Kolyat's close proximity before he - with extreme hesitancy - reached out his hand for Kolyat to take. The man probably had no idea how much trust Feron was putting in him at that moment. Honestly, he was trying to ponder why he even reached his hand out in the first place.

_He's going to eat it!_

"Go slow. If I tense, just let me go."

Kolyat nodded rapidly, eyes widening slightly, taking a slow step closer. "I'm going to give you my hand. You touch me at your own pace. I won't move until you tell me to."

Feron nodded. The world drowned out by the pounding of his heartbeat as Kolyat reached his right hand forward, palm facing out for Feron's. He swallowed thickly, lungs tightening in dread when he tentatively reached his right hand further.

"It's ok, Feron. It's just me. Breathe." Kolyat must have seen the budding terror on his face.

Sucking in a deep gulp of air, Feron held it and pushed his hand forward those last few inches grasping Kolyat's open gesture. Doing his best to focus on feel of his long, elegant fingers. Clenching his eyes closed, Feron waited. He waited for the sharp pains. The phantom lashes. He waited for the tremors to run up his spine. He waited for the clash between mind and body to throw him into terror and shove Kolyat away.

Nothing.

Nothing but the scent of Kolyat easing his mind.

He opened his eyes and stared up at Kolyat in unconcealed shock. Feron's fingers curling around his hand almost naturally. A perfect hold.

_I did it._

_I did it!_

Kolyat purred soothingly, a gentle expression taking hold of him. The blue of his irises shining through in soft happiness. A compassionate smile curling his lips. And then Kolyat's scent grew stronger. His real scent. Not soap. Not water. Hot sex on the beach.

Feron felt the first wave of terror unfurl in his chest like an unraveling ball of yarn. He gasped. The sound snapping Kolyat's expression into severity laced with determination, and Feron's grip faltered.

"It's me, Feron. Breathe," Kolyat insisted, not letting go.

_Why isn't he letting go?_ Feron began to despair.

"Take deep, steady, breaths," Kolyat continued. "Focus on the sound of my voice. I will never hurt you. Just breathe. Please, Feron. Focus."

Feron forced himself to swallow several times in an attempt to push down the spiraling fear blanketing his mind like a thick, impeding fog. He focused on Kolyat's eyes. Beautiful blue. Cerulean waves. Perfect.

_He's going to drown me! He's going to eat my hand!_

Feron's panic intensified.

Kolyat let his hand go and Feron gasped. A violent tremor wracked through his body as he hugged his arms around his chest to gain back some control. It took him several moments to bring himself back, pulling in deep gulps of air to force his oxygen intake back to normal.

"You did really well," Kolyat stated, as he turned and walked toward the chair by the entryway.

Feron growled, ready to lash out with a vicious comeback … until he realized he was sitting up. He was actually able to hold Kolyat's hand long enough to get himself up! Feron smiled in relief, feeling proud in his tiny accomplishment. His gaze moved towards Kolyat's lean form, watching as he picked the chair up and brought it over to his bedside.

Removing his C-Sec jacket, Kolyat threw the material over the arm of the chair before he sat down and gave Feron a reassuring smile. "How are you feeling?"

Feron took one last deep breath and righted himself, pushing away his remaining agitation, adjusting the sheets around his legs while he pressed the button for the back of the bed to rise. "I'm surprised you didn't come by yesterday to harass me. Was it work? Or were you getting laid?" Feron asked, ignoring his question. Doing his best to pretend his asshole remark the other day couldn't possibly be the reason for the disruption of Kolyat's daily appearance.

_Not like I was expecting him or anything…._

Kolyat turned his head away, frills darkening. His expression turning almost ... shy? "I … no. I didn't get laid. I had some stuff to take care of."

Feron could see Kolyat's discomfort with the question and a smile immediately quirked his lips into a coy grin ready to push the subject. "No? What kind of stuff then? A blow job?"

"I don't like that term." Kolyat wrinkled his nose in clear disgust.

"What term? Stuff?" Feron raised an eyeridge perplexed, wondering what wording Kolyat preferred when conducting his extracurricular activities. Or getting laid.

Kolyat averted his eyes momentarily before looking back with purposeful intent. "Blow job. It's derogatory."

Feron wasn't able to contain his surprise, both eyeridges shooting up. "Alright … so what do you call it, then?"

"It's a gift. Something is being freely given, so, 'giving head'."

Feron pursed his lips and snorted, unable to contain the laughter that erupted through his chest like a freighter. His howl was loud and he didn't give a shit if anyone out in the hall heard him. What made the joviality of what Kolyat said even better was the ridiculously serious expression on his face.

"You've got to be kidding." Feron wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard. "I didn't think you would be such a romantic. I took you for a prude honestly."

Kolyat shook his head. "I'm sorry I gave you that impression, but I assure you that is not the case." Adjusting himself in his chair, Kolyat crossed one leg over the other and smiled.

He noticed with Kolyat he didn't always get the responses he expected, like other individuals. Almost as if Kolyat was on another wave length sometimes. "Why are you smiling?" Feron asked suspiciously

"Your laugh. It sounded genuine."

"You bet your ass it was," Feron retorted. "That's the funniest bullshit I've heard in a while."

"It's not bullshit. That just means you've been with too many meaningless hookups."

Feron knew Kolyat was teasing, but given the circumstances, he'd just been through, shame ripped through his chest and his smile fell immediately.  _Cause there's so much meaning in rape._ His gaze dropped and Feron heard the apologetic trill from the other man a second later as he forced his eyes back up to Kolyat's.

"I'm sorry, Feron. I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant," Feron snapped back harshly.

"I was trying to lighten the mood. For a moment I actually felt really comfortable with you. I forgot myself. I do apologize," Kolyat insisted, purring in reassurance. "You weren't always a prisoner. Did you never experience-"

"I've had good blow jobs. Some incredible fucks, too," Feron cut him off bitterly.

"Just fucks?" Kolyat quirked an eyeridge in interest.

_What the hell is he getting at? What else is there? Why does he even care?_

"Big breasted asari's." Feron grinned lewdly.

Kolyat fell into silence, something unknown crossing his expression. "I see," he said plainly, looking around as if he was thinking before he continued, "I went to see a movie. Did some shopping. Got some food."

"What kind of movie?"

He smiled softly again, an ease settling back into his persona. "Why so many questions about my day off?"

"I'm bored," Feron purred indifferently. "And you're here. Being stuck leaves me no choice but to live precariously through others." Not like he would really know what the hell was going on for the last two and a half years. No omnitool and no television really kept him in the dark. He didn't even know the fucking day of the week or current date.

"I saw  _The Autopsy Of Jane Doe, Origins._ " Kolyat finally answered after a long silence.

"That sounds really boring," Feron sighed. It figured Kolyat would be into boring shit. "What kind of movie was it? A documentary?"

"Horror suspense."

Feron purred in piqued curiosity. "Really? You don't seem like the type to enjoy that kind of thing."

_A romantic and a horror fan?_

"I'm not." Kolyat admitted with a sigh, shaking his head in denial. "It was … awful actually."

"How so?" Feron did his best to school his expression and not notice the look of distress on Kolyat's face.

_Cute … actually …_.

Running a hand over the ridges on the top of his head, Kolyat sighed again as if trying to gather his thoughts. "Ok. So … police, on some planet, find a body and bring it to the nearest morgue for autopsy. The body was somehow cursed. Wherever her body turned up, people were violently killed by her entity."

"That's … creepy."

"It really was. I don't like movies like that." Adjusting himself in his chair again, Kolyat blinked several times in rapid succession, his expressions becoming more animated the more he spoke. "There was this part in the movie … the entity got a little boy. The mother was locked behind a glass security door and had to watch as …" Kolyat's throat expanded as if he was having trouble swallowing. Leaning forward he rubbed the palms of his hands over his cargo pants. "I felt like I was about to have a panic attack while sitting there."

"Join the club." Feron smiled, somehow feeling more at ease with the other man than he ever did before. "I get them all the time."

Kolyat made a sound of disbelief mixed with skepticism as he looked up at the ceiling. "At least you're here. Not in a crowded movie theater."

"So, why didn't you leave?" Feron shrugged.

Looking back down at him, Kolyat thinned his lips as if searching himself for an answer. "I … I didn't want to bother anyone or…." Kolyat fell into silence, his expression battling that rawness that occurred when you've seen or experienced something horrible.

_Maybe one of his cases?_

"You shouldn't put yourself through unnecessary stress. Especially with your job. It could be dangerous. Trust me with that. I know first hand."

"I can imagine. Your job was …" Kolyat stared at him for a long moment, his gaze roaming over his face and then slowly over his body. "What was your job exactly?" Voice now dripping with suspicion.

"I was a sex toy tester," Feron deadpanned.

Kolyat just blinked stoically. "Uh, huh. Now, what did you actually do?"

"I told you. I was an exotic dancer for my human daddy."

"Feron," Kolyat sighed. "I want to know you."

Something about the way he said that made Feron hesitate. He wasn't sure if it was Kolyat's face. So earnest and kind. Or his vocals. Gentle and smooth. Feron couldn't pinpoint the source. He did know … that it scared him. Made him feel something he never felt before. Maybe trust. Maybe hope.

Maybe temporary insanity.

Releasing a deep breath, Feron leaned his head back against his pillow and focused on an air vent near the ceiling. His voice feeling distant. "You already know who I worked for. I was an information trader, but my specialty was disrupting transmissions and conducting data breaches. Breaking firewalls and security protocols. Taking over security cameras. Changing numbers on bank accounts and decrypting information people really didn't want discovered."

"You're a hacker."

"I like the term cyber-infiltrator," Feron grinned, meeting Kolyat's eyes.

"A criminal."

"Only if the price was right," Feron trilled playfully.

One side of Kolyat's mouth quirked and he licked his lips in an attempt to hide a budding smile. "I'm not going to pretend my hands are clean."

"Yeah?" Feron returned with a hint of seduction. "You want to share what kind of dirty things your hands can do?"

"Maybe another time." Kolyat grinned back, eyes brightening again.

That time like sapphires instead of crashing waves.

_Is he … flirting with me?_

Feron swallowed thickly in discomfort and glanced away. Trying to adjust himself and the pillow he rested upon. A light tap on the floor bringing his attention to the ground beside him. His heart froze in his chest.

A tiny glass shard tumbled from the tissue, which was presently on the floor, that Feron kept hidden beneath his pillow. Kolyat's attention falling automatically upon it as he leaned forward in his chair to grab it. Feron sighed and clicked his tongue as remorse filled his lungs while he watched Kolyat's expression change. Scrutiny. Anger. Disappointment. Feron wasn't sure. All he did know was that Kolyat was not happy. Opening up the tissue, the turquoise drell sifted through the makeshift pouch of shards. The tiny pieces of glass Feron were able to dislodge on the bottom of the hospital cups that covered the manufacturing logo.

"I read in the reports that a batch of glass shards was confiscated from you previously." Kolyat's voice was empty and matter-of-fact. "I don't know how you're getting them."

Feron didn't answer. Volunteering information to be used against you was never the smart thing to do. Squeezing his eyes shut, he sighed in regret. He didn't know why, but part of him suddenly felt bad for disappointing Kolyat. The stupid … stupid … awful man, who became his legal guardian, was actually fucking trying.

He did notice it.

What the hell could he say in his defense? You know I want to kill myself?

_He's going to tell Bennett. They're going to put me back in those gods forsaken straps. He's going to-_

Feron felt despair fill his lungs, tears brimming his eyes. He hated the restraints. The pressure on his wrists. They would send him over the top. They would send him spiraling back into hell. He knew eventually his mind would break. He stifled a sob. Panic from the unknown that Kolyat would do, filled up his soul with the fear of losing himself.

_I'm broken. Maybe I did go crazy? Maybe that fat fuck is right? Maybe I-_

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Kolyat said unexpectedly.

Feron looked at him in blatant shock. Was Kolyat for real? If he was smart he would tell the doctors. What kind of bullshit lie was this? What kind of fucking weird trust exercise…. "You're not?" He didn't want to hold onto any kind of expectation.

Kolyat shook his head. "Despite your attitude. Your attempts to - very vocally - push people away," Kolyat sighed before a sad smile appeared. "I kind of like you. There's-" his eyes averted as his smile grew. "-something about you. You deserve a chance."

"Kolyat, I…." Feron didn't know what to say. His thoughts like a tornado, threatening to crack the years of walls he kept cocooned around himself. His protective shell.

_Never trust. Never get involved. Never rely on anyone but yourself._

_Don't let it happen again._

"I took on being your legal guardian …" Kolyat started. "So let me protect you. In my own way … but please, Feron. Don't make me regret it. I want to trust you. I ask that you trust me, too."

_No._

_I can't._

_I shouldn't._

_But…._

"I can't promise you." Feron decided on truth for once. "... but I'll try."

_I really will._

Kolyat stared at his expression for a long while and Feron did his best to keep his gaze open and honest. He was trying to be. Even though he couldn't say it. He really hoped Kolyat could see his attempt. See through his bullshit like he said he could.

Eventually, Kolyat nodded. As if he was pleased with whatever he was looking for on Feron's face. Crumpling the tissue into a tight ball, he shoved the batch into his pocket and glanced around before reaching forward and grabbing the set of cards on Feron's bedside table. "How about some  _ba'ket_?" He pulled the tray table between them.

"No … you're terrible."

Kolyat snickered and trilled in mirth. The tense air around them quickly dissipating. "Come on. I'm not that terrible."

"You're awful," Feron deadpanned.

"I have potential." Kolyat finished adjusting the table.

"The potential to suck."

Kolyat laughed and took the cards from the box. His joyous sound leaving Feron to stare at him in uncertainty. What kind of man was this? Someone who smelled incredible. Someone who pissed Feron off because he couldn't figure him out. Someone that caused the atmosphere to shift whenever he laid eyes on him. Invisible but substantial. Just enough….

A crack formed on the surface.

Feron couldn't help himself. He smiled gently and waited for Kolyat to deal the cards.


End file.
